Hayes vs. Hall: Set to the Key of McLaughlin

Each week, SN NCAA football writers Matt Hayes and Spencer Hall put aside their petty differences to come together via instant messenger ... and argue about their differences.

Spencer Hall: We'll do this McLaughlin Group style this week. Ty Willingham! Matt Hayes! GO.

Matt Hayes: Ty Willingham? Fire Him! Tommy Bowden? Fire Him! Is that how it works? Or should I use ALL CAPS?

Spencer Hall: This is the internet. ALL CAPS ALWAYS WINS.

Matt Hayes: Ty, good man, good role model, and whenever you start to describe a coach with those plaudits, you know what's coming next.

Spencer Hall: “But did not win games.” My argument is that he left the program about 30 percent better than he found it.

Matt Hayes: I don’t know about that, dude. Players? Bad. Jake Locker and that's it ... unless, UNLESS (ALL CAPS, RIGHT?) they’re poorly coached. And as we saw with Brady Quinn, Jeff Samardzija, and about 8-10 other players on that Notre Dame team, they were poorly coached.

Spencer Hall: NEXT! Phil Fulmer! Fired now, or later!

Matt Hayes: Maybe one more season. He's really well-liked with the heavy hitters there.

Spencer Hall: CUTTING YOU OFF! He's leaving after this season in a smooth coup d'etat.

Matt Hayes: The AD Hamilton, who, by the way, won't make the call, may go before Phil goes. Number one and most important -- brace for the ALL CAPS -- THAT’S A TON OF CASH.

Spencer Hall: They have it, though. Per my actual source-like sources.

Matt Hayes: Bull$%#@. 6 mil? Dude, that’s a lot of money. It’s so easy to say “they have the money.”

Spencer Hall: Per my actual sources. His replacement, if it's a big name, will command huge money.

Matt Hayes: So it’s six large to pay off the big man. And another 15 large for a five-year deal for the next guy. That's 21 big ‘uns there.

Spencer Hall: There's a lot of ways they can do that, though. This is a recession. Creative financing is available, if not necessary. Graduated payments, etc. It's essentially his retirement package. Buys a lot of donuts, yes, but they can space it out.

Matt Hayes: I’ll tell you what is really hurting him. It's not necessarily the losses, though they’re bad. It’s the empty seats. The apathy. It’s a program killer.

Spencer Hall: The ennui of Tennessee.

Matt Hayes: Even when [REDACTED] was at Florida, it was still full. When you lose fan support, you’re screwed.

Spencer Hall: NEXT! The cocktail party! MATT HAYES!

Matt Hayes: Love the Dawgs ... and one more thing: what shows less class? Jumping in the end zone, or kicking a late field goal against a rival? To me, the Miami field goal was worse than what Georgia did.

Spencer Hall: What was he supposed to do?

Matt Hayes: Just run it like every other coach does in the same situation does.

Spencer Hall: There's time on the clock. Score. This isn’t croquet. We’re Americans. We play to the echo of the shadow of the whistle!

Matt Hayes: We're not playing checkers either. It was 23-3, Spence. What was Miami going to do?

Spencer Hall: It's positively un-American to take a knee, and perverts the game and the spirit of competition. I’m only half-joking here.

Matt Hayes: I’m actually with you on this. It's just a little unnerving that after the Miami game, after all those emasculations and late scores Spurrier handed out to Georgia over the years, now -- NOW? -- Meyer is mad?

It seems to me like he's trying to find something to get his team fired up, and that’s a bad sign because he knows the other side has the better team. Dawgs, 34-24. All they need is a Texas loss, and they’re in the title game.

Spencer Hall: Florida, 49-42.

Matt Hayes: Holy crap. That’s a ton of points, my friend.

Spencer Hall: Tons, but neither secondary is good, and both offenses are gnarly. This will be like full-contact tennis.

Matt Hayes: Matthew Kingbury and Tim Symons.

Spencer Hall: Take that, Big 12.

Matt Hayes: I cant wait.

Spencer Hall: FINALLY: TEXAS-TEXAS TECH! MATT HAYES!

Matt Hayes: Longhorns. I mean, at this point, how can we pick against them? I don’t know if they’re the best team in the nation, but they’re hot. And Colt McCoy is grease-fire hot.

Spencer Hall: You have to bet anomalies to take the Raiders: McCoy having a bad game; Lubbock being its weird self for opponents; the Tech defense playing the game of its life.

It's an outside shot at best, even though this is my favorite Red Raiders team ever.

Matt Hayes: You know they throw tortillas there, right?

Spencer Hall: Yes. They also have a section of fans who call themselves Mike Leach’s Pirate School. I pick Texas here as well, but crave a diploma in “Buccaneering with a minor in Wench-ing and Skullduggery” from Texas Tech anyway.

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.