Jeff Kent Is Probably Not Voting for Obama

Jeff Kent gave $15,000 to support backers of California Proposition 8, a proposal on the ballot in California banning gay marriage in the state. Kent, who lists his residence as being "Austin, Texas," has clearly told the world a few things about himself by shelling the bucks to support a ballot initiative against gay marriage in a state he doesn't even live in full-time:

--He doesn't like gay marriage.

--His wife decorates the house all by herself, and not with her special guy-pal "Tristan."

--Probably not TiVo'ing any of the following: Project Runway, Tim Gunn's Guide To Style, or Man Versus Wild. (Has a guy named "bear" who gets naked pretty often in the show. Best to not take chances.)

--Doesn't eat green M&M's out of the same bowl as another man.

--Was really, really happy to be traded from San Francisco.

--Does not exfoliate.

--Does not serve artichoke dip in a bread bowl.

--Prefers female masseuses. Just a hunch.

--Insists wife keeps any and all hair products on her half of their double vanity.

--Can grandfather in a liking for "We Will Rock You/ We are the Champions" due to ignorance of Freddy Mercury's sexuality.

--Closes blinds, locks windows anytime a rainbow forms across the sky.

--Drinks Schmitt's Original Draft, not Schmitt's Gay.

To reiterate: Jeff Kent is not gay. If you see him, though, know that he's confident enough in his heterosexuality to take a good, long hug from a fan. Wrap him up with both arms, dude! He loves it.

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.