What You Need Is A Real Man at QB. A Merman.

I may have gone too far in my criticisms of Vince Young, and for that I apologize. I just get so emotional when I talk about the ENN-EFF-ELL, because it is a man's league, a league for hard men who like hard, manly things. You have to be a man to survive even three seconds on the field in the ENN-EFF-ELL, to be a hard man with rippling muscles, glistening abs, and the ability to man up and play with the big boys like a man. If not, I will come down there and kill you with my bare hands, because I'm not paid to compliment players. I'm paid to flex on camera and insult players. It's what I do. Now, here's a film of someone gaining two yards on a run play, which is everything I love about the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE. GRRRRRRR.

You want to know a real man in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE? What he looks like? Besides Merrill Hoge?

That's a man. Look at those shoulders. The refined cuts of his ab muscles. THAT'S what a quarterback should look like: like a beautiful Merman, leaping from the water. Um, I mean, LIKE A HARD MAN. Yes, a hard ENN-EFF-ELL MAN. To summarize: Hard. Men. Hard. The National Football League. Vince Young still breastfeeds (Merrill's unmanly editor requires Merrill to add this language warning for that KSK link).

I want Brady Quinn to send me a used t-shirt of his so I can sleep with it under my pillow and linger in his scent. Wait, what?

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.