This Shall Be Settled Over Tea and Crumpets

Forsooth, sir! Such fooferaw and impudence belongs but to the rabble scrounging for bread in the streets, not among the gentleman of the links!

When Steve Williams said he "hated" Phil Mickelson and didn't consider him a great player in an interview with the Taranaki Daily News on Saturday, Mickelson, oh, that boy, he LAID THE SMACK DOWN. He spat game. He took Williams' remarks behind the woodshed and beat them senseless with a claw hammer, that's what he did! Look!

"After seeing Steve Williams's comments, all I could think of was how lucky I am to have a class act like Bones (Jim Mackay) on my bag and representing me."

You almost killed Steve Williams with your verbal knives, Phil! Take it easy! Men have died over less. Never fear, though: Tiger has his caddie's back. He'll surely defend his longtime looper's remarks like Triple H 'bowing up in a tag team match, right? BRING FIRE, TIGER:

"I was disappointed to read the comments about Phil, a player I respect. The matter has been discussed and dealt with."

... and that's why Joey Porter doesn't play golf, because golf remains a sport where disputes are settled with slapfights while wearing white gloves, and calling someone "the best at being ugly" would probably result in a lifetime suspension and a stern public statement of disapproval. Just watch: the next step will be Mickelson retaliating by refusing to serve Tiger's favorite Cabernet at their next PGA charity event. Woods' tears that night will be sweeter than any other revenge conceivable, Phil -- go for it, you savage golfing barbarian, you.

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.