Let's Just All Make Love to Brett: EA Luncheon

The EA Luncheon and Salute to Brett Favre (Who Needs Just a Few More Salutes So Let's Just Give Him Another One, Shall We?) serves as the perfect appetizer for the NFL draft tomorrow: lots of video, guys in uniform New York business suits (black, blue or red tie, and hair gel), and very little actually occurring.
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↵Some things of interest, though, did happen. First, I found out the NFL owns you FOREVER AND INTO PERPETUITY. (See the photo: once captured, the NFL owns your image and likeness FOREVER. When you are on the cover of Madden 2439, you get no royalties.)
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↵At the lunch, Sterling Sharpe headed up the presentation. From my vantage point I could see the zipper-shaped scar on his neck from surgeries that failed to keep him in the league. Yes, spolied football players, blah blah blah: but Sterling Sharpe still walks around with something that reminds you that your job doesn't involve a risk of paralysis.
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↵He ran the point on the Favre presentation, devoted to what the NFL rep called "A celebration of two iconic American cultural presences: the Madden series, and Brett Favre." Wonderfully understated, NFL/EA.
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↵Then Steve Mariucci joined them to tell stories about Favre. The heartwarming favorite? Favre babysat his kids by putting Mariucci's kids to bed, lifting up the covers, farting, and then holding the covers over the kids' heads. The Dutch Oven? It's in the Favre playbook.
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↵Mariucci also revealed Favre's inability to scrape snow off his car in Green Bay; rather than use a tool to clear the windshield, Favre would simply walk out to the car in flip-flops and shorts, stick his head out the window and drive "until the snow blew off the windshield."
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↵Matt Hasselbeck then joined the panel. (His skull is impossibly smooth, btw; if airliners were made of his flesh, they'd go ten miles an hour faster than current jets do. We bet it's a completely frictionless material.) Hasselbeck talked about how Favre played up injuries.
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↵Favre's response: "Oh, yeah. You gotta use the media. It's so good."
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↵I should also note that while everyone else wore suits, Favre--looking like the Ancient Mariner, craggy, sunburned, and walking into the place like the Kiln Wal-Mart--wore khaki pants and a blue t-shirt. We'd describe him further, but Peter King's already reading this and weeping at this point. And his poor heart's had enough.
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↵(Oh, and he's not coming back. Four denials at least in the opening banter.)↵

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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