â†µFans aren't showing up for the match at Luchniki Stadium in the numbers officials had hoped for due to a uniquely Russian nexus of astronomical hotel prices and security measures, and given the circumstances it's hard not to think of that as a good thing. Those who do will run a positively Soviet gauntlet of anti-hooligan measures provided by "police." Did I mention that in Russian the "police" and "the military" are basically indistinguishable, work out with 56 pound kettlebells, and beat up people with impunity? And that notorious Chelsea fans are going to be there? And 7,000 of those Russian police? â†µâ†µ
â†µGetting really hammered in front of Russian troops--er, police--probably isn't a good idea, either. â†µâ†µ
â†µâ‡¥A police source said: "We have tried and tested ways of dealing with drunks. These are harsh, humiliating places. Fans would be wise to curb their drinking — they are the worst place on earth to wake up with a hangover." â†µâ†µ
â†µThese are English soccer fans we're talking about here. "Hammered" will be the gentlest description of their pre-match condition, meaning fans might wear a night spent in a Russian jail as a badge of honor on their sleeve. Drunk prisoners who resist will be stripped naked, treated to icy showers and chained to beds. Yay! It's like a weekend at Max Mosely's house, but with the risk of getting antibiotic-resistant tuberculosis thrown in! What's not to like here? â†µâ†µ
This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.