Call the girls! The
Sex and the City movie is coming out! Cosmos all around!
Maybe you've never thought of
casting athletes as each member of the Sex and the City cast, but you've never been charged with filling content space for ESPN the Magazine. (At this rate, neither will we.) But we're sitting here in our Manolo Blahniks just dying to show off our knowledge of America's favorite show about horrifically stereotypical women living fantastical lives who never have to pay a rent check, go to work, or visit their families on holidays!
Carrie: Tom Brady. Masks needlessly complex, poorly managed love
life as "character development." Came to the big city from Smalltown,
U.S.A. Slave to fashion; owns an obscene amount of shoes. Also a huge
fan of a good cosmo. Hangs out with models. Prone to providing inane
narration of his own banal actions.
Samantha: Derek Jeter. Promiscuous. Looked great in a skin-tight dress on
SNL. Loves a good Cosmo. Fierce shopper. Meticulous about personal appearance. Dates models with long, luxurious hair.
Charlotte: Peyton Manning. Relentless hard worker despite coming from privilege. Endured public heartbreak before finding his dreams. Craves a great pantsuit. Like Kristen Davis, has never appeared naked in his professional life and never will. Just adores King Charles' Spaniels.
Miranda: Big Brown. Hardworking. Sorta red-headed if you see him in the right light. Great legs. Just as Miranda does in the show, walks around naked all the time. No nonsense and focused, but leaves time for life's carrots. Prone to fits of anger. Into the fillies.
This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.
4 comments
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Comments
I saw the headline, and am not going to read it. Just have to say turn in your Man Card please.
by brumbinator on Jun 1, 2008 2:20 PM EDT reply actions
Maybe if you had actually read it you’d have realized the headline was sarcasm and the point of the post was to mock the film.
by cmottram on Jun 1, 2008 6:13 PM EDT reply actions
An effort to draw in the ladies? No. Something for our metrosexual readers? No. Sarcasm and mockery? Perhaps, but still…wow. It just looks so wrong on Sporting News. But hey, at least I like your taste in shoes Spencer.
by trojanbymarriage on Jun 2, 2008 1:20 PM EDT reply actions
tiger woods: samantha
by scurds on Jan 9, 2010 3:39 PM EST reply actions
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