Aspiring Lawyer Really, Really Hates Yankees

Here’s the tale of a young guy with dreams of being a big shot lawyer. He’s in law school, racking up ungodly student loans, hoping someday the millions he’ll make will pay them off. But it’s summer time now, and he’s in between his second and third year of law school, so he does what aspiring big shots like himself do: become a “summer associate” at a prominent firm in NYC. He’s on the fast track, man.

But there’s one minor problem: This future bloodsucker’s undying hatred for Yankee fans (in his head, are apparently all homosexuals), which always seems to come out at the most inopportune times:

At a summer event last night, the [summer associate], unaware of the identity of a particular stranger, put him in a headlock and called him a (homophobic insult redacted) for wearing a Yankees jersey.

The stranger then asked: "Do you know who I am?" [Summer associate] replied: "No, you punk."

Said "punk" turned out to be a partner. The fate of [the associate] is currently unknown.

So, to review, lessons learned: 1) Don’t get drunk at work events, unless you’re a bartender or a stripper; 2) Don’t call strangers, or anyone, the F-word. You aren’t a 12-year-old fighting with your brother over G.I. Joes. Grow up; 3) We all hate the Yankees, and we can all agree that men wearing Yankees uniforms outside of Yankee Stadium deserve far worse than a headlock, but sometimes it’s best to let it slide; 4) If someone says to you, “Do you know who I am?”, it’s best to assume that means they’re someone important. Lick your wounds, count your losses and don’t dig that hole deeper. You might just end up on every law firm in NYC’s blacklist.

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.