â†µThings are good right now in the Mothership, let me tell you. I’ve been away for a while, and here I come back to find that Philly’s a baseball town again (and, somewhat unbelievably, a basketball town as well due to recent news). â†µâ†µ
â†µBut rather than just bore you with the details of the win and the prevalence of the Utley jerseys and the Hawaiian music (it was “Flying Hawaiian” bobblehead day -- the Phanatic wore a hula skirt) and the characteristically classy Philly mooks in left field starting a near stadium-wide chant that accused the D-Backs Conor Jackson of having AIDS (classy, I tells you, in the original Hells Angels’ sense of the word), let me cut right to the quick and break down for you what each of the Phils is running with these days as his intro music when he comes up to the plate: â†µâ†µ
â†µJimmy Rollins: The opening of what I believe to be the original seven-minute, twelve-inch remix of Eric B and Rakim’s Paid in Full. The dope-osity of this selection cannot be expressed in traditional language. The whole game I kept saying over and over again, “thinking of a master plan ...” which drove my moms crazy.
â†µGrade: A+++++ â†µ
â†µShane Victorino: Hawaiian slack guitar hula music. It was Hawaiian Day, after all. Something tells me on non-Hawaiian Day Shane might go with another song. But hell, the Hawaiian stuff was sounding pretty good out there in the Philly heat (other than the repeated playings of “Paid in Full,” my best musical moment of the day was a little snippet they played of the Hawaii Five-O theme.)
â†µGrade: A â†µ
â†µChase Utley: As if Utley isn’t popular enough with the vast mook-ocracy that is Philly, what does he choose for his walk-up-to-the-plate-song? Zeppelin. The Ocean. We get it Chase. You’re white.
â†µGrade: A (nothing affiliated with Zeppelin is ever allowed a grade below “A”) â†µ
â†µRyan Howard: Some boiler-plate top 40 gangsta (c)rap that I didn’t recognize and that blew. He clearly needs some help. Based on this selection, I shudder to imagine the state of the man’s iPod.
â†µGrade: C- â†µ
â†µPat Burrell: This was the real surprise of the day -- the opening Booker T-like organ strains from Don Henley’s Dirty Laundry. It might sound lame, but honestly, listen to it again and tell me it’s not ill. Without Don Henley’s annoying voice coming rolling in, that organ riff sounds like a sample from some Ghost Dog shizzle. Has anybody sampled that yet? If they haven’t, don’t do it, 'cause I’m doing it. You hear that Kanye? Dirty Laundry is mine word. â†µGrade: A+++ â†µâ†µ
â†µPedro Feliz: I can’t remember what Feliz’s song was, but I will tell you this – when Feliz gets a hit now, they play the opening strains of Feliz Navidad right up to when the lyrics kick in, but cut it at “Feliz-“. Trust me, it’s funny.
â†µGrade: A â†µ
â†µGeoff Jenkins: Some rap death-metal white-rap blarney that makes you want to kill yourself.
â†µGrade: D â†µ
â†µChris Coste: Don’t remember his music either. Actually, I’m not sure Coste even gets to have music. They’re like, “look guy, you’re lucky you’re even here ... now you want your own music? ... Go get me a glass of water, Crash Davis.”
â†µGrade: Incomplete â†µ
â†µTwo final notes: Brad Lidge’s walk-in music from centerfield before the top of the ninth is an abomination. Like every Philly fan, I be loving me some Brad Lidge right now, but this malarkey he’s got them playing for him is just ... it’s in the death metal genre, and though I had my hands covering my ears, I think I heard some allusions to Iraq in the midst of the screaming and general carnage. Man, if I was a closer right now who was awesome I’d be going away from metal. Metal’s been done. The song I’m thinking of for Lidge is a song I’ve been using in my imagination for years now as my walk-into-the-ring music for my first professional fight. Sundown by Gordon Lightfoot. Evil folk, people. It’s the closer music of the future. â†µâ†µ
â†µThat said, before the game the stadium rocked to Thunderstruck by AC/DC and by the time it was over I felt like punching somebody. You know, punching somebody in a good way. AC/DC should just give up all pretenses of legitimate bandhood and just be employed as full-time composers for the Stadium Association of America. Large out. â†µâ†µ
This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.