Drink Like a Champion Today, Gator Fan

Which university is most brahsome? What fine institute of higher learning bears the greenest grass not from the expensive landscaping paid for by private tuition, but from the nutrients regurgitated onto it by overly zealous undergraduate bar-surfers? What school truly es mas borracho de mas borracho? ↵

↵Go projective vomit a six-pack into a bougainvillea bush, Gator Nation. The party school crown, for this year, is yours, Florida. Gator undergrads ranked number one in filling the stadium for football games, reported the fewest hours studied a day, and ranked seventh in overall beer consumption. This served as a cocktail of factors that added up to a number one ranking for my alma mater, unseating West Virginia University for the top spot and trumping other venerable tipsy institutions of learning like Ohio University, Florida State University, and Arizona State University. ↵

↵

↵The cause in Florida's precipitous rise in the standings? How about a pinheaded administration doing just what will encourage binge drinking among students: telling them not to drink, fall out of dorm windows, and generally behave like they're playing a game of Pinocchio goes to Donkey Island. ↵

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↵⇥UF was ranked No. 4 in the party rankings released in 2007, No. 11 in 2006 and No. 18 in 2005. The rise roughly coincides with Machen’s tenure and push to reduce binge and underage drinking among students. ↵
↵Remember one key thing: college students are inveterate smartasses, and this is yet another example of the kind of backwards thinking savvy university administration needs to employ. Why, just look at BYU! You hear "Brigham Young University," and you think one thing and one thing only: beer bongs. And yet there they are, holding down the "Most Sober School" title for the umpteenth year in a row. See? Reverse psychology, Gators. That's what it's gonna take to bring down the party rep at the school. Oh, and turning down the temperature about fifteen degrees year round would help, too. When I was there, I was hammered at least half of the time just trying to stay cool and dull the pain of living in a sauna filled with huge insects and snakes. If you can do that, too, you'll be on track in no time. Get to it!↵

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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