2-1 Odds Say You'll Place a Bet on Doping

Australians will gamble on anything. I will gamble on anything. Therefore, I am Australian, and can speak authoritatively on the subject of Aussies being gambloholics, but also being very innovative gambloholics while they're doing it. Not content to merely gamble on the outcome of Olympic events, Aussies have set odds on another unofficial and unsanctioned Olympic event: doping.

The odds thus far lean toward weightlifting. However, this may not be the best pick, as the source article points out, since eleven weightlifters were already kicked out of the competition before anyone so much as set a foot in Beijing. The rest of the odds?

Odds given for some other sports are illuminating. Swimming and diving are at 10-1, cycling at 15-1 (perhaps because the cycling events, as are track and field, scheduled later in the Olympic calendar) and boxing 25-1. Sailing is considered the least likely drugs suspect, at 500-1.

They don't know the sailors I know, I suppose, but they are the oddsmakers. A few sports this amateur bookie will guarantee will have no doping scandals, however, must be mentioned. This tips are free, of course, and to be used for entertainment purposes only. But, you know, you could gamble with them, too.

Cycling: Zero chance, as cyclists are all accomplished dopers using pharmaceuticals you can't even test for yet. The only way to tell is to cut them and watch as they don't bleed due to unreal blood viscosity.

Badminton: If you're doping and you play badminton, it means you are not just a doping cheat, but you are also terrible at badminton.

Equestrian Sports: Only obvious if the rider is carrying the horse and clearing the gates with ease. Otherwise, impossible to detect. Little known fact: wearing jodhpurs is the most reliable drug masking agent in the known universe, which is why Shawn Merriman used to wear them all the time.

Shooting: There will be no positive tests, because there will be no positive tests, because do you wanna go in there, Captain Pisscup? They not only all have guns, but are famous for being able to shoot them with frightening accuracy. Anyone in there doing drugs? No? Didn't think so. We'll just be moving right along here...

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.