â†µBeing from Philly, and knowing what type of pagan rituals go on in that town in regards to the blessed Iggles, I confess that seconds after DeSean Jackson’s premature celebration last night I feared for his life. Surely, I thought, the Birds are going to get stuffed on this one and then DeSean is going to get De-murdered.
â†µThankfully, it wasn’t to be. Brian Westbrook, as he so often does for us Iggles fans, saved the day and now we can all sit around the bonfire and laugh about the whole thing. Ha ha ha ... throw the ball away ... heh heh ... before you even get in the end zone, oh man that’s ... actually it’s still not that funny. â†µâ†µ
â†µYou do have to hand it to DeSean on one count, though. He was thinking outside the box in terms of finding ways for his hotdogging to make him look like a complete idiot. Let’s just hope that this kind of one-yard-shy prematurity doesn’t catch on as a fad and crack the list below: Your Top Five Standard Boneheaded Plays Borne Of Hotdoggery. â†µ
â†µ5. The Careless Gimme Putt Miss, a.k.a. The Stewart Cink. â†µThis is a maneuver that you see most often on the amateur links pulled by disgusted, drunken duffers. You got, say, a four-footer for quintuple bogey, you pull it a foot to the left, and so you angrily waltz up and give a it a one-handed sweep towards the hole and ... you pull it a foot to the left. Not something you see the pros do a lot, but Stewart Cink memorably hotdogged a gimme in disgust on the 72nd hole of the 2001 U.S. Open and the lost stroke cost him a role in the eventual playoff between Mark Brooks and Retief Goosen. Cink thought he’d played himself out of the playoff by missing his par putt and so he rushed his gimme and missed that too. Turned out both Brooks and The Goose three-putted 18 as well, so if Stewie had just kept his cool, he would have been back for a fresh round on Monday. I wonder if he ever thinks about that ... â†µâ†µ
â†µ4. The Drop Your Gloves to Prove You’re Not Hurt and Get Knocked Out, a.k.a. The Kelly Pavlik. â†µYou see this one quite a bit in the ring. One fighter is really getting off, stringing together combinations, and so the other guy, to prove that none of these punches are hurting him, that in fact he simply can’t be hurt, drops his gloves and sticks his chin out as if to say “see, go ahead hit me clean, I don’t even care.” At which point, more times than I’d care to count, the hotdogging fighter gets himself mightily buzzed. â†µâ†µ
â†µThe most notable instance of this in recent memory was in the second round of the first Kelly Pavlik/Jermain Taylor fight in A.C., when Jermain unloaded a series of wide hooks on Pavlik that certainly did not hurt him but brought the roars of the crowd. To show that he was fine, Pavlik, still in Jermain’s buzzsaw, dropped his gloves and lifted his chin cockily, and a millisecond later he was on his ass after eating a jaw-breaker. Of course, Kelly got up and survived and then went on to knock Jermain out. But I can only imagine what was going through his head when he was down on that canvas, realizing that he might have just blown his big title shot because of some hotdog crap that is not at all his style. â†µâ†µ
â†µ3. The Admire Your Home Run Only to Realize that It Is Not in Fact Leaving the Park and You Better Get Your Hot Dog Ass Down to First Base, a.k.a. The Manny Ramirez. a.ka. The Long Single. Many a hot dog has pulled this maneuver in the past, but it does somehow seem like the provenance of Manny now, almost like his signature, along with all the rest of the stupid, lame-brained things that he does and gets away with under the heading of “Manny being Manny.” â†µâ†µ
â†µ2. The Carry the Rock Like It Ain’t No Thang and Get Unceremoniously Stripped, Fool, a.k.a. The Leon Lett. â†µYes, this is a genre that from a very wide lens includes DeSean’s de-blunder last night, but there is a crucial difference here, people, one that cannot be overlooked. Taking the most legendary case, let us remember that in the 4th quarter of Super Bowl XXVII, Leon Lett, while hotdogging at a most egregious level of hotdoggery, was still holding onto the ball as he attempted to enter the end-zone. He did not willingly throw it away -- Don Beebe had to knock it out of his hands. It’s a subtle but important point of order. â†µ â†µâ†µ
â†µ1. The Razzle-Dazzle Breakaway But Then You Chunk the Funk on the Diabolical Dunk, a.k.a. The Take Your Pick. â†µSo many to choose from, it happens so often. For some reason this is the one that immediately popped into my mind, although I couldn’t say why, other than the fact that it was so utterly ill mcdill, a definite instance of flying too close to the sun. In other words, some hotdogging to be revered. â†µâ†µ
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