These New Seats in Dallas Is Texas-Sized

The Dallas Cowboys are America's team for so many reasons: their consistent excellence as a franchise, their brash, bold style, and most importantly, because they insist on calling themselves "America's team." Being the polite people that we are, Americans are generally too nice to argue with the men, especially when they're waving guns and a-whoopin' and a-hollerin' as cowboys are wont to do. (Americans: smart, as well.) ↵

↵The Cowboys are also America's team, because they made the seats in their new stadium for fat people. ↵

↵
↵⇥ All the seats at the new stadium are between 19 and 20½ inches wide compared to the 17- and 18-inch wide seats at Texas Stadium. ↵
↵Mock them if you like, but the plain facts are inescapable and weighty: your butt is substantially bigger than the hindparts of your forebears, and if you want demonstrable proof, try going to Wrigley Field or to Notre Dame and squeezing yourself into a seat. It's an exercise in embarrassment even for the svelte among us, since as a whole Americans at this moment are fatter than we've ever been. You might as well make your stadium to fit rather than attempting to enforce virtue through architecture. Now, if we could just bring back the wearing of pants pulled up to your sternum, we could dispense with this whole notion of "not being horrifically obese" altogether, and head down to our spacious NFL stadiums wearing zoot suits and driving golf carts in lieu of pesky, tiring walking.
↵
↵(Image taken with love from With Leather)↵

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.