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The only thing that freaks me out more than wet toilet paper and caterpillars is the threat of someday having a kidney stone. Every night I say a little prayer that I don’t wake up the next day inflicted with this horribly painful disease. Oh, and for peace and prosperity for all of the earth’s people. I pray for that, too. But mostly for the kidney stone thing. God, that would be awful.
Just how awful would it be, you ask? Well, I’ll let Angels pitcher Joe Saunders, who’s been sidelined for a week with a stone, explain to you just what it feels like to pass them:
"It felt like someone stabbed me in the back, punched me in the gut and kicked me in the groin, all at the same time," Saunders said. "It was like someone stuck a knife in the right side of my lower back. It was like a bad cramp that wouldn't go away."So, in other words, it felt like being a Lions fan. (Zing! Am I right people?!)
But really, that does sound just about as unpleasant as I’ve imagined. Now you know why I make my kidney stone prayer. On the bright side, though, Saunders dropped eight pounds in a week throughout the entire ordeal. Heavens knows I’d take a shiv to the back in exchange for being able to fit into my high school tux one last time.
(H/T: FanHouse)
This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.
8 comments
Comments
Stone Crew signing in: Member since ’04.
They hurt a lot, no doubt. My urologist’s nurse has had kids and stones, and she told me she’d rather deal with childbirth. I’ve passed nine myself, since 2004. No more coffee, sweet tea, or soda for me as of last year. I won’t go into some of the other stuff and resulting surgeries that can happen when you get them (think: scar tissue removal in a sensitive zone), as it’s pretty graphic and this is a family site!
The one good thing that comes from having stones is that your pain tolerance is redefined in a good way. Not much really hurts after that. Migraine? Meh. Broken bones? Snore. Drive a drywall screw through your palm? Just back that thing out slowly, you’ll be alright!
My recommendation for removal, if you ever have one: drink as much beer as you can as quickly as you can, and refrain from breaking the seal for as long as you can. Get something easy to chug, like High Life. You’ll need as much firepower as possible to move that thing out, so don’t quit after 4-5. After you do this, drink water so you don’t get dehydrated and bring on another attack.
Fun, huh?
by jaek on Sep 25, 2008 4:15 PM EDT reply actions
I really wish you hadn’t shared that story.
I’ll be over here in the corner, praying, if you need me.
by cmottram on Sep 25, 2008 4:17 PM EDT reply actions
LOL, I’ve been blessed with these little critters from HELL. 17 of ‘em to be exact…I feel yer pain Joe. They have the full potential to put a grown man on the ground in the fetal position cry’n like a baby!
by tinvox on Sep 25, 2008 4:57 PM EDT reply actions
Good lord, Jaek. That sounds like something out of a Lovecraft story.
by shall.tsn on Sep 25, 2008 5:42 PM EDT reply actions
Good lord, Jaek. That sounds like something out of a Lovecraft story.
by shall.tsn on Sep 25, 2008 5:42 PM EDT reply actions
i havent had one, but i think i just lost my sweet tea addiction
by dr. football2 on Sep 25, 2008 9:35 PM EDT reply actions
Orson: You should see the size of the blood clots after you get one particular surgery.
dr. football2: As a good southern boy, it was hard to give up sweet tea, but I miss coffee the most.
by jaek on Sep 26, 2008 8:48 AM EDT reply actions
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by Payday Loan Advocate on Nov 4, 2008 5:40 AM EST reply actions
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