TSB in Tampa: 10 Always Seen at Media Day

Chris Mottram is on the loose in Tampa this week. He'll be posting about various goodness and misadventures here on no particular schedule.

I've now only attended two Media Days in my lifetime, so I'm no expert on the event. However, I'm fairly certain that I've nailed down the 10 types of credentialed media you will always, without fail, find at every Super Bowl Media Day. More types may be added to this list on any given Media Day, but these 10 are the core types that build the foundation:

The Veteran. This category of people encompasses about 94% of the several thousand press members attending Media Day. This is about the 28th Super Bowl this type has attended. It stopped being interesting somewhere around the 8th time. They’re often overheard saying things to each other like, “Why are there so many damn people here? Only some of them are real journos.” They are also required, by law, to only ask the most generic possible questions of the athletes. Their objective is not to file an interesting story, but just to file a story, period.

The Up-and-Comer. He probably still takes the time to dress in fashions from this decade, still eager to impress. He’ll work really, really hard all night thinking of the perfect questions to ask, meticulously nitpick over each and every word before he files his story, only to see it cut in favor of The Veteran’s piece of mediocrity. In 15 years, if he doesn’t go back to school to study business, he will be The Veteran. Circle of life, my friends.

The Dude-Looks-Like-a-Lady Dude. This type is always from South America and never, ever understands the concept of “less is more” when applying blush around the cheekbones. (Pics show before and after.)

The D-List Celebrity Reporter. Last year in Arizona, it was Kellie Pickler. This year, The Tonight Show sent Ross, the effeminate male ex-intern street reporter guy, who did his best to make every player uncomfortable. Here, Bertrand Berry takes it in stride:

The Famous Reporter Who Is the Story. There are several examples of this -- any of the NFL Network guys, Keith Olbermann was floating around being interviewed -- but the archetype is Chris Berman. For whatever reason, Berman is like the super cool kid in high school that all the dorks would do anything to be buddies with. Other reporters are constantly brown nosing and interviewing him. It's one of the many mysteries surrounding the interworkings of the sports media. Nice combover though, buddy.

The Extremely Attractive American. These women are typically from smaller, local news stations or from large entertainment programs (such as the girl from Access Hollywood; pictured below), dress professionally, yet attractively, and have some poor, overweight guy behind them at all times lugging around the camera equipment in the unforgiving Florida sun.

The Extremely Attractive Latina. Same as the type above, yet come from someplace exotic in South America and, if it was up to them, would wear absolutely nothing to Media Day. Instead, these two went with skin tight jeans on the left and a "Team 69" shirt with kneepads on the right:

The Kid Reporter. The Kid is the gimmick reporter you aren’t allowed to hate. Good luck with that. These cute little sixth-graders get to march right to the front and ask whatever stupid questions they want. “Um, um, Mr. Clark ... Um, how old were you when you, um, started pwaying football?” Awww, isn’t that cute? No. The answer is no, that isn’t cute. It’s annoying. You’re getting in the way of The Veteran asking Ryan Clark what it’s like to play for a coach like Mike Tomlin!

The Gimmick Guy. I wasn’t able to figure out why this man brought a fiddle with him. The best I can figure is that he came to play a jig for his favorite Irish footballer, Larry Fitzgerald. (Note: Last year's Gimmick Guy was a ventriloquist. Far more interesting ... and creepy.)

The Whacky Telemundo Guy. This type’s shtick: But on crazy attire, grab a football player, say something really, really fast in Spanish to the camera so said football player is totally clueless, then ask them to dance with you. The Veteran is appalled by this behavior:

BONUS: The Most Awesome Guy Ever to Step Foot Inside Media Day. This guy isn’t a “type” so much as he is a “god":

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.