Ten Reasons To Watch the Fiesta Bowl

10. Matt Vasgersian. Let not a single "Ten Reasons To Watch X" list go without mentioning how awful Fox's broadcasts are, but do not throw the baby of Matt Vasgersian out with this bathwater. Vasgersian can not only call a game well, but he dropped the Owen Schmitt "Beer Truck" line last year, and thus earned our eternal admiration.


9. Brian Orakpo's Mind-Bottling Strength. Texas DE Brian Orakpo is one of the most well-wrought players you will see in college football, a monster who power cleans 380 pounds and took years off the life of Phil Loadholt in the Oklahoma/Texas game earlier this year. (Hey, did you know Texas won that game? If not, a Texas fan will remind you of that this week.) Ohio State's tackles have fared miserably against fast ends, so skip watching Planet Earth on Discovery HD tonight and instead watch Orakpo chase Terrelle Pryor around for predator/prey drama.

8. Jim Tressel, Gambler. It's fun to watch Jim Tressel gamble on 4th down conversions and fakes, staples of any quality bowl game. Watching the tightypants Buckeye coach play fast and loose with things is like watching the accountant in The Untouchables pick up a shotgun and begin gunning down Al Capone's men: it's all kinds of right and wrong all at the same time.

7. Chris Jessie. Watch just to see if Mack Brown's stepson can touch a live ball in a bowl game two years in a row. If he does, Mack Brown may humanely end his suffering right then and there on the sidelines.

6. Colt McCoy's 80% standard. Your living room wager of the night can center around Colt McCoy's disgusting 80% completion percentage. If he can make it, you win five dollars. If not, well...Texas' QB will still throw for 70% plus, a merely nauseating percentage for a college QB to maintain.

5. Terrelle Pryor's Improvisationality. Bud Light has drinkability, and if the beer industry can make up words, so can I: Terrelle Pryor has improvisationality, the ability to make up plays and score off the top of his lid like the high school phenom he was (and mostly still is). He's at his best freelancing off of Tressel's set plays, and will have latitude to do that tonight provided he survives Will Muschamp's onslaught of blitzes. Speaking of...

4. Muschamplitude. Another made-up word, but I'm on a roll and not stopping. A key matchup in the game will be whatever Ohio State does to slow down Longhorn blitzers, who thanks to Texas DC Will Muschamp will be coming from the middle, side, and possibly by parachute from above. Penn State sealed a victory by pressuring Pryor and taking advantage of his poor ball-handling. Texas saw this and will attempt to do the same.

3. The Foot of Beanie Wells. Since the Big Ten stops playing football sometime in September, Beanie Wells has had time to do one of two things: heal his injured foot and get in shape, or get fat and make things worse. Tonight we'll see for sure if he hit the gym or the big bag of Danish Wedding cookies over the holidays.

2. The Pom Squad. The Texas Pom Squad features women wearing hot pants and chaps. Jimmy Stewart was once asked if he found Grace Kelly attractive after working with her in Rear Window, to which he replied, "Hey, I'm married, but I'm not dead, you know." Ditto, sir.

1. We'll take a slice of that pie, please. Texas could, with a thunderous enough victory over Ohio State, at least cast further confusion on the national title picture. Being an avowed absurdist regarding the BCS, this is a noble thing to root for by any means. 25% of nothing is nothing, but it's a pretty nothing, and Mack Brown will take it and hope Oklahoma looks just dodgy enough against Florida to muddy the waters even further. Anarchy: it's what's for breakfast.

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.