Prime Time College Football Stinks

Don’t look now, but there’s football being played outside of Louisiana tonight… Out West, no. 2 Texas finds itself in an improbable dogfight with Colorado, while up North, Michigan’s up 14-13 on no. 14 Iowa in a Big Ten battle. Back East, there’s just me, sitting on my couch, furiously flipping between games with my remote.

And that’s okay, because this is my job. But for the millions of football fans who are NOT getting paid to sit at home on a Saturday night, it’s kind of a pain to have so much action going on in primetime. Like, it’s college football.

The game should revolve around the schedules of college students. Especially since Saturday is the one day each week that lets competent adults relive their college revelry, Saturday Night should be reserved for one big game. One game that’s on at every bar and every house party.*

Because people that go out on Saturday Night— and, you know, have lives beyond fandom—don’t have time to flip back-and-forth across four different channels to keep up with the action around the country. Nor can they try to focus on four different TVs blaring different games all-at-once. These pastimes are what Saturday Afternoon is for. Saturday Night is for either drinking away the sorrows of your favorite team’s loss, or celebrating a win like an idiot college kid.

So get it right, NCAA. A nation of obsessive football fans will be grateful, and might just get themselves laid as a result.

*Note: if you’re not going to a bar or a house party, you’re either having “movie night” with a significant other, or you’re going to a club that requires leather shoes and shows European music videos on continuous loop. In neither case will football enter the equation, and in both cases, it’s time to reevaluate things.