This Week In Schadenfreude: Oct. 12

There's a fair bit to pick from this week, but when a man widely regarded as inferior to a giant catfish when it comes to quarterbacking does this to you:

There's not much to say that you can't say by tagging your post "times I wish I were dead" as Hey Jenny Slater's Doug Gillett does. Or by comparing your defensive coordinator to Maurice Gamelin, the man in command of the French military-type substance during World War II. UGA's Willie Martinez does come out on top 5-3. So Georgia's got that going for them. They've also got this week's Tears of Unfathomable Sadness all to themselves; you know it's bad when the Georgia blogs -- which I praised/criticized earlier this year for being amongst the most reasonable outposts in the blogosphere -- are pumping out TWIS-worthy material:

F.

That's all the breakdown you need from today's game.

What must the message boards be saying ?

DRUNK AND BITTER   (Posted on 10/11 at 4:56 a.m.)

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even after a nap, severeal brewskies, gheetting laid, another party, and more drinsk, im still sick to my stomach at4 in the morning.

i live ibn tennesseee, and being the looudest dawg fan i know, its tough.

Elsewhere on that fantastic, spleen-ridden board: Budman says Georgia is Kentucky now, an argument about Joe Cox that involves the statement "I know you've got ginger love for him," many people taking the Boy Wonder over Mark Richt as a head coach, calls for Richt's firing, and, naturally, the "Welcome to MEDIOCRITY" post as mandated by the Internet Message Board act of 1996.

The rest of the week in spleen after the jump.

ACC

Florida State is now 0-3 in the ACC for the first time ever. The president is resigning. The trustees have brought the knives out for the guy who built the program. And Tomahawk Nation has been railing against the dying days of the Bowden regime for a couple years now. Result? Well ... they actually hold it together pretty impressively, leaving the bile for the commenters.

Said commenters, though:

there just can't be anything more emasculating at this level

than walking off the field after 4 quarters knowing you didn't stop them once. Not a field goal, not a punt...all touchdowns when they didn't self inflict w/errant pitches resulting in fumbles.

watching the demeanor of our kids on defense is just plain depressing.

by BCDnole on Oct 10, 2009 10:23 PM PDT

I don't know, BCDnole, did you check the City of Crompton stats above?

And here's a nice bit of Fan Civil War for the mustache enthusiasts in the crowd:

"Jimbo Fisher is the reason we lost this game"

Direct quote from a "fan" behind me..i felt as though it was my inherent right and duty to punch him directly in the nose

by fsudt45 on Oct 10, 2009 10:21 PM PDT

DT45 is asked whether he actually followed through with the punchening. He did not use his fists, but he got his blows in:

i punched him with my words

told him terrible things..things that richard pryor wouldn't speak

by fsudt45 on Oct 10, 2009 10:23 PM PDT

Excellent work.

Elsewhere, Boston College gets an F for their humiliation at the hands of Virginia Tech; shortening "Spaziani" to Spaz is going to get very middle-school in about three weeks. For now, the inexplicable decision to throw the second-team offense out in the second quarter when BC was down 17-0 comes in for a pummeling:

I was outraged and horrified to see the second team offense play in the first half. That was the most godawful coaching decision I can remember seeing. Of all the things that upset me in this game, that was *by far* the worst!

OUTRAGE!

BIG EAST

Light week here with Cincinnati off and nonconference play wrapping up with wins (actual wins!) for Rutgers and Louisville, so we'll go back to the Syracuse well. The Cuse got blown off the Carrier Dome field, causing Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician to declare a moratorium on honoring Syracuse's legendary past:

Two things Syracuse should never do again...invite Jim Brown to watch a game and honor Ernie Davis.

Brown's witnessed two shellackings in his last two trips to the Carrier Dome -- though that statement might go for anyone who's been to the Dome twice since Donovan McNabb graduated -- and on the three separate occasions Ernie Davis has been honored, Syracuse has gotten pounded by South Florida. Nunes on that:

At this point I'm all for thanking Jim Brown and Ernie Davis for everything they've done and never speaking of them again. Deal? Deal.

If they get Brown and McNabb to have a photo op near the Ernie Davis statue, the entire city of Syracuse might implode, leaving nothing but a scrap of furry orange material behind.

BIG TEN

Rich Rodriguez decided to yank Tate Forcier for Denard Robinson late, which worked out fine for one drive but did not work out when Michigan got the ball back needing a field goal with just 1:40 late. Forcier, of course, has several comebacks already this year. Denard Robinson's QB rating is worse than Nick Sheridan's was last year. People at the home base are taking it well:

I Have Seen Evil Incarnate

I attended the game Saturday at Iowa.

And that's just about piped-in music. There's a 115-comment thread on the Robinson final drive containing gems like this:

As if it wasn't bad enough Rodriguez was throwing a fit like a spoiled child on the sidelines yelling at his FRESHMAN quarterback ON THE ROAD against #12...Then he puts his running qb in the game with a minute left and no time outs. Absolutely stupid.

And this :

rich rod

blew that game... no reason to play denard... he can't read a defense. INEXCUSABLE

MGoBlog has a point system where people vote up or down on posts, and this guy got negged into the ground, then came back to complain about getting negged into the ground ...

this points system is completely flawed

You should have to take a football IQ test to post ...

... and then got negged into the ground some more. Woo! Naturally, the Robinson = DEATH thread is followed by another one demanding the insertion of Robinson earlier, proposing a Denard-Tate Civil War, and thanking God they aren't Florida State fans.

BIG 12

There wasn't much in the way of surprising losses this weekend, just a couple of close calls by Oklahoma State and Kansas against the conference's weak sisters. Missouri did gack it up against Nebraska late. Mizzourah got invaded by Cornhuskers fans afterwards and put up a post complaining about it.

But the real star attraction is the rare appearance from a blogger whose team won by 24 points. Here's one of the horde at Texas blog Barking Carnival on the 38-14 immolation of Colorado:

Sweet nine pound eight ounce baby jeebus if I have to watch that sorry effing excuse for offensive coordigodamnation one more f------ time I am going to detonate something large and dangerous. I want to hand out Scipios damn running game break down as a surgeon general's warning for football viewing in Central Texas. The surgeon general warns you that if you want to become pregnant avoid men wearing burnt orange after University of Texas football games because they really just want ot stick their [dingly] in a food processor to end the misery that is watching Greg Davis f--- up a wet dream for a solid decade. Also, computers should require breathalyzers.

Word about the breathalyzers. Colorado was up 14-10 at the half and Texas only managed 313 yards of offense on a team that saw Toledo run up and down the field until they got tired of it, but wow that's some bile for a four-score win. "The General" is this weeks Scott Tenorman of the Week by a country mile. Well ...

Greg Davis writes sonnets to 3rd and 9. He loves it like Byron loved his Newfoundland.

... maybe not a country mile. An urban half-mile.

PAC-10

UCLA loses, this column instantly checks Bruins Nation -- which was reliably, insanely entertaining in the waning weeks (months? years?) of the Dorrell administration -- to find this:

Frustration: Staying Level Headed After Second Heart Wrenching Loss

Bleah. Moving on. How about Stanford? The last time we checked in on the Cardinal, message board posters were being very Stanford about their loss. This guy is not being very Stanford:

PUNT? WE'RE DONE. THEY HAVE JUST KICKED OUR ***.

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CONGRATS TO THE BEAVERS, I REALLY DIDN'T EXPECT THIS. THE SCORE ISN'T INDICATIVE OF HOW BADLY WE WERE OUTPLAYED AND OUTCOACHED.

SEC

Auburn's surprising, explosive unbeaten run to start the season came to a thudding end when Ryan Mallett went all "boom" and put up 44 on what had previously been a half-decent defense. After last season, you'd think Auburn fans would have taken the message about not changing coordinators midseason to heart. You'd be right:

 I don't post much...

But whatever effin tard we have as a DC, fire his a--.

To be fair, the instant reply is "please not another midseason firing," but that does not dissuade "the ripper":

Our OC made adjustments at half time. Our DC stood there with his thumb up his a--. I have not been this pissed since John Vaughn choked in Death Valley.

Really? I mean, really, you're 5-1 after going bowlless last year and this is more anger-inducing than anything for years? And then there's this guy:

I could not agree more. I don't think the change should be made now, but after this season. I think pretty much every defensive coach we have should be fired. We are terrible in every aspect of defense. I have been watching Auburn football for 30 years and we have the worst defense I have ever seen us have!!!!!!!!! I am giving the chiz a break though as he had limited time to get a staff. Definite winner with gus, definite loser with roof. 50/50 as far as that goes. If we keep roof after this season, chiz will be here no more than 3 years. If he can get someone to run the defense like he used to, we can contend for national titles. CHIZ, THE CHOICE IS YOURS!!

WE ALSO NEED SPECIALS TEAMS COACHING AS WE ARE MORE PATHETIC THERE THAN I CAN EVER REMEMBER!!

Soon Auburn will be firing its coordinators before it bothers to hire them. Norm Chow, you're fired. Monte Kiffin, you too. Don't come around here anymore for the first time, you're no longer our future defensive coordinator.

And of course it wouldn't be TWIS without someone threatening a coach with punishment below the belt:

If I see Ted Roof around town today, rest assured I will....

punch him right in the [groin] and tell him that was from all of you....And DJ of course. You know, there may be a reason he was the DC at f------ DUKE....

He was actually the head coach at Duke, but no matter. You sign up to coach in the SEC and someone's coming after your most private of areas.

Meanwhile at LSU, the Tigers lose by ten to #1 Florida and Les Miles, who did win a national title two years ago, is Bill Stewart all of a sudden:

Miles on the sidelines; watched recorded game last night (Posted on 10/12/09 at 11:26 a.m.)

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Read someone say yesterday that Miles reminds him of GWB on the sidelines, the way he looks.
He looks to me like someone who won a contest to coach the team for the day (maybe a Guitar Hero contest in the Union)....very much like Wade Phillips in Dallas or Ron Zook on the sidelines.

Dude, Les Miles does not look like he's ever picked up a plastic guitar in his life. A Deer Hunter contest, sure. Guitar Hero ... no.

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.