Please, Mr. Barkley, Never Stop Talking

Honestly, someone should just follow Charles Barkley around 24 hours-a-day. Like, really. That’s hyperbole or sarcasm; I genuinely feel like there’d be some value—mostly comedic—to someone recording everything Charles Barkley says, ever.

In any case, he spoke to a Dallas radio station recently, where he shared his thoughts on a variety of subjects. Sports Radio Interviews has a full transcript, and it’s fantastic. For your enlightenment, some excerpts are below.

On his favorite sport:

My two favorite sports to watch are boxing and football. The reasons are those are the only 2 sports which you got to have a certain amount of courage. … I mean if you put on the football pads or you step into the boxing ring, it is a serious, serious deal.

On the NFL’s roughing the passer penalties (obviously, Barkley’s got an opinion, here):

I just think that they are stupid. … clearly you don’t want cheap shots, but I don’t think you can have a set of standards that we have got to protect the quarterback. That ain’t cool at all.

On brokering peace between golfers (really?):

I have become friends with Anthony Kim and I was talking to him the other day trying to tell him: Let this B.S. with Robert Allenby go. Nothing good is going to happen if you all are going back-and-forth.

On Tiger Woods’ drinking habits:

The one thing that I will say about Tiger is that when we go out, he can drink.

On the NFL’s part-time referees:

To me football is the worst because if you watch football you got guys who sell insurance all week, who come out on the weekend to try and keep up with guys who run like 4.3’s.

On pre-game sacrfices:

Tiger won’t even do caffeine the week of a tournament. He thought that it screwed up his putting stroke. You know how sometimes caffeine has got you jittery? I mean just simple stuff like that. [Host: What about sex?] What about sex? I sure hope that nobody stops that. I hope nobody stops that.