This Week In Schadenfreude: Oct. 26

↵

↵A lot of crazy stuff happened this weekend and much pain is below; ↵picking the absolute worst thing to go down this weekend was tough. But ↵I think having the #1 team in the country on the ropes but losing ↵because a 400-pound defensive tackle blocked two fourth-quarter field ↵goals, one as time expired, has got to be more painful than even ↵Michigan State's gut-punch-with-flair. So congratulations, ↵Tennessee, you win the Tears of Unfathomable ↵Sadness, and for good reason: ↵

↵
↵⇥
↵⇥

I'm Just Heartbroken

↵⇥
↵⇥ ↵⇥

↵⇥I'm at a loss for words. Just ↵⇥sick. ↵⇥

↵⇥

↵⇥...I mean, we are SUPPOSED to make ↵⇥those ↵⇥kicks. We didn't. We squandered three kicks - any of which could have ↵⇥beaten the No. 1 team in the nation, our biggest rivals. I still can't ↵⇥believe it. ↵⇥

↵⇥

↵⇥I just don't know what to say. ↵⇥

↵⇥

↵⇥In my heart, I believe the Vols played ↵⇥to win the game and should have won. We did everything right most of the ↵⇥time, but it just simply wasn't enough. We had several costly penalties, ↵⇥and the Tide had one stinking penalty all day, but that's not an excuse. ↵⇥You can't expect to get calls in Tuscaloosa. The refs weren't the reason ↵⇥Tennessee lost the game. Tennessee's kicker was. ↵⇥

↵⇥...This coaching staff, this team, ↵⇥this ↵⇥program is headed in the right direction. There have been fewer times in ↵⇥my life that I've been prouder to be a Tennessee Vol. There have also ↵⇥been fewer times in my life that I've been more depressed. ↵
↵

↵That's a mature, reasonable response ↵from a classy fan. This is not: ↵

↵
↵⇥You run another play and you throw an interception or they throw ↵⇥another flag on us -- I wasn't going to let the refs lose the game for us ↵⇥there and some magical flag appear. ↵
↵

↵You might have gotten tipped off by the first person: this isn't some ↵kid with an XBox and NCAA 10, it's Lane Kiffin. Kiffin also complained ↵about Cody ripping his helmet off with the ball still live, which should ↵have been a 15-yard penalty, and set himself up for what will be a ↵meaningless fine from Mike Slive: ↵

↵
↵⇥"I'm sure we'll get one of those letters that really means ↵⇥nothing as Bobby got last week, but Florida and Alabama live on," ↵⇥Kiffin said. ↵
↵

↵Lane, your tears are so yummy and sweet. The rest of the week in ↵spleen after the jump. ↵

↵ ↵

ACC

↵

↵Maryland is this year's Syracuse, I think, a team ↵that evidently sucks and would be totally uninteresting but for the ↵valiant efforts of the team-affiliated blogosphere to cope by posting ↵either crying babies or rants in the aftermath of losses to Duke. Yes, in ↵football: ↵

↵
↵⇥Oh, were you thinking Duke is up this year? Bzzzzt. No they're not. ↵⇥They're still Duke. Duke sucks. F--- Duke. If they make a bowl game then ↵⇥I'm Shirley Chisholm. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥As for Maryland, I'm just searching for a phrase right now. What's ↵⇥the phrase I'm looking for...noodle d---s? No, that's too mean. I ↵⇥wouldn't ↵⇥want to call these guys noodle d---s in a forum that is at least ↵⇥technically public. If I were to call them noodle d---s, which ↵⇥they are, that would be an insult to The Kids. You gotta respect ↵⇥The Kids. Especially the kind of kids that bench 250 and run 4.5 ↵⇥forties. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥Oh, wait, I've got the phrase now. Losers. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥It's nice down here with us losers, isn't it? Sometimes, they ↵⇥drop a bucket of fish heads on us. That's when we party! ↵
↵

↵I assume the last sentence is a reference to a movie starring someone ↵who used to be on Saturday Night Live, but prefer not to know ↵in case the Terps' season has driven Shell Games so mad with ↵rage that incoherent spittle about fish heads is the sanest stuff they ↵can offer up. ↵

↵

↵Elsewhere in the League that Logic Forgot, we have what I think is a ↵first in the history of TWIS: posts from both sides of a single game. ↵Here's Clemson blog Sporting Gnomes early in the ↵contest: ↵

↵
↵⇥

3rd & 49

↵⇥Yes. That happened. FML. ↵
↵

↵It happened after a 20-yard sack, a holding call and a clipping penalty. ↵It was followed by a punt. Despite that, Clemson actually won the game, ↵thanks in large part to a C.J. Spiller kickoff return touchdown with less than a minute left in the first half, without which ↵Clemson probably wouldn't have gotten to overtime and beaten ↵Miami.Then Canespace wouldn't have had to reference Bon Jovi: ↵

↵
↵⇥

Shot Through The Heart And You're To Blame

↵⇥U give love a bad name. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥Miami's stunning, saddening loss to Clemson on Saturday at The Shark ↵⇥broke the hearts of Hurricane fans everywhere. For those who made ↵⇥the trek from near and far to show their love for the team wearing ↵⇥orange and green, all they could do when the game was finally over was ↵⇥to file out of Landshark Stadium in shock (and some even in tears) after ↵⇥the overtime loss to the Tigers. ↵
↵

↵That description does not conform to my expectations for Miami fans. ↵The comments do: ↵

↵
↵⇥He couldn't make any adjustments to stop this whack a-- attack that ↵⇥Clemson has? Come the F on dude you suck and any of you homers on here ↵⇥who want to call me out go ahead!!! ↵
↵

↵There's also the guy who spells "f---" with two Ks. I detect a ↵strong Juggalo presence in the Miami fanbase. ↵

↵

BIG TEN

↵

↵It wasn't a good week for college football in the state of Michigan. ↵Penn State's pounding of Michigan caused the previously ↵fairly happy Michigan fanbase to revert to the warring camps they lived ↵in last year. I sort of called the complainers dumb at the home base, ↵but Geniunely Sarcastic took it a lot farther. For the purposes of this ↵column we'll appropriate not the riposte but the inanity fisked: ↵

↵
↵⇥This team is terribly coached. The losses don't bother me as much as ↵⇥the certain knowledge of how badly coached this team is. I chuckle at ↵⇥the 'three things' did this team in notion (followed by an article which ↵⇥categorizes 60+ crappy plays into three things). ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥This team is terrible at the fundamentals, haphazard in terms of ↵⇥scheme, pathologically deficient on special teams, and simply sloppy at ↵⇥every position on the field. They look like just the sort of crap can ↵⇥team that would spike a ball on 3rd down with ten ticks left on the ↵⇥clock. ... ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥I never thought this would be the case. UM is terribly coached. And ↵⇥today, they reverted so far, that just like game after game last year, ↵⇥they quit. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥I apologize for this. I will not post regularly because I don't want ↵⇥to become that guy. But as for this coach - I no longer believe he can ↵⇥produce a Big Ten Quality team. ↵
↵

↵As always on the internet, "terribly coached" means ↵"played poorly." ↵

↵

↵I think it was actually worse for Michigan State, ↵though, which for the third time this year experienced a face-crushing ↵loss. First, it was Central Michigan getting a second chance at a ↵game-winning field goal. Then it was Kirk Cousins throwing a horrible ↵interception a play after overthrowing a wide-open receiver by ten yards for a ↵game-winning touchdown. This weekend it was a last-second ↵slant by Marvin McNutt four plays after Stanzi threw an interception ↵that was called back by defensive holding. That is life as a Michigan ↵State fan. It's not the losing. It's not even losing in a conventional ↵heart-wrenching fashion. It's the extra bit of flair that Michigan State ↵seems to tack on two or three times a year. Don't take my word for it: ↵

↵
↵⇥It's 1:00 PM on October 25, 2009. I'm driving down Collingwood ↵⇥to head to the Engineering Building to write an article. The ↵⇥following questions are in my head: When has a prevent defense ↵⇥ever worked? Why couldn't MSU score a touchdown with a first and goal ↵⇥from the one? And most of all, why do these losses always seem to ↵⇥happen to Michigan State? ↵
↵

↵See? Later, or earlier, or ... well ... ↵

↵
↵⇥It's 10:45 PM on October 24, 2009. I'm numb. Speechless. ↵⇥Confused. Dazed. This is not a new feeling. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥It's 2:20 PM on October 25, 2009. Somebody just asked someone ↵⇥else how the game was last night. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, AND THIS IS ↵⇥NOT HOW YOU DO SMALL TALK. ↵
↵

↵The article's conceit is a little confusing, but if you can get over ↵the time shifts, it's actually an excellent insight into the psyche of ↵Michigan State's particular fanbase. If you, Louisville fan, need a ↵pick-me-up, this is the article to hit. ↵

↵

↵One last bit before moving on. Another writer on that blog takes ↵issue with the picture -- McNutt bringing in the winner -- and a third writer ↵chimes in: ↵

↵
↵⇥

Revel ↵⇥in the pain

↵⇥because one day ... well, I don't know, we'll become inoculated ↵⇥against the pain? Like those guys who spray mace in their own eyes to ↵⇥become resistant to it? ↵
↵

↵These are your hopes, Spartan football fans. At least there's always basketball and its ability to make you think ↵about things other than "sharp objects." ↵

↵

BIG EAST

↵

↵Um. South Florida. Um: ↵

↵
↵⇥Your sad...... ↵⇥
↵⇥Try being a USF fan and a Dolphins fan this weekend..... Im about ↵⇥ready to jump off the Skyway ↵
↵

↵No, that's not the um. This is: ↵

↵
↵⇥YES.. I had to unload my wife's gun and hide the bullets. She ↵⇥is from Miami and took this weekend even harder than I.... ↵
↵

↵I hope you hid them in the birthday cake. This guy's wife ↵aimlessly hearing the hammer click down again and again is our ↵Scott Tenorman of the Week. ↵

↵

BIG 12

↵

↵One of my other gigs is running the Blogpoll, which is basically an ↵AP/Coaches' poll for bloggers. In an effort to keep homerism to a ↵minimum, the poll tracks how much people overrate their own teams and ↵awards them a sarcastic trophy named for a couple of hilariously biased ↵folk, one on the right (Ann Coulter), one on the left (Kos). Recipients ↵of this award are almost always freakin' doomed, and ↵Nebraska dominated it for two straight weeks -- huge ↵margins, bye week, more huge margins -- but escaped punishment with a win ↵over Missouri. Well, now we know the CK Award likes its revenge served cold: ↵

↵
↵⇥

Eight (8!) - A Musing...

↵⇥Comments 17 comments so ↵⇥far October 24, 2009 by Darren K. Carlson ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥Saturday afternoon's game was ridiculous. The number 8 just keeps ↵⇥rattling around in my head. The images of all those turnovers replay in ↵⇥my mind. It's enough to make you crazy. Sometimes, the only way to stay ↵⇥sane is to laugh. If you can't find a way to laugh at it yourself or ↵⇥tough times, you are cooked. ... ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥If you were wondering how many turnovers it would take for NU to lose ↵⇥to ISU at home...well, now you know. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥I was watching another football game today. And on one drive, they ↵⇥didn't fumble the ball. I was like, "hey, what's the deal? ↵⇥Shouldn't they fumble?" ↵
↵

↵Do not screw with this thing. ↵

↵

↵BONUS. Signs of adulthood: voting, dying in a war ↵and now getting criticized by guys on the internet: ↵

↵
↵⇥

Bill Kerr Oct 25 09

↵⇥Niles Paul just kills me. ↵⇥
↵⇥Incredibly gifted athlete... but an incredibly stupid football ↵⇥player. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥I know it isn't seen as cool to bag on 20 year-old kids, but if they ↵⇥are old enough to die in war... ↵
↵

↵Elsewhere on the Big Red Network, a pithy summation of Nebraska's fate in the 21st century: ↵

↵
↵⇥Psychologically, it's hard not to call this whole decade over and ↵⇥start thinking about 2010. ↵
↵

PAC 10

↵

↵After each UCLA loss, this column turns its lonely ↵eyes to Bruins Nation in anticipation of a spittle-flecked ↵response akin to the ones that were so entertaining in the last days of ↵the Karl Dorrell regime. To date it's been disappointed. But what's ↵this? Is it a demand in a headline? ↵

↵
↵⇥

Big ↵⇥Picture Thoughts: Rick Neuheisel Needs To Deliver (At Least) 6 Wins In ↵⇥2009

↵
↵

↵It is! Surely the worm must be turning after a two-touchdown loss to ↵Arizona: ↵

↵
↵⇥Years of mismanagement and I would submit total neglect from the UCLA ↵⇥administration has our football program the state it is in right now. It ↵⇥is not going to get easier any time soon. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥I fully expect us to lose next weekend as well as we will probably ↵⇥see the two Kevins flail away leading an impotent offense, while the ↵⇥Bruin defense will probably get run around and marched on with easy as ↵⇥they look hapless (and kind of hopeless) under their coaches' not so ↵⇥inspiring bend-don't break boring schemes. ... ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥The expectations for this season remains the same. Neuheisel and ↵⇥his coaches need to bring home 6 wins. If he tries to spin anything less ↵⇥than that as a successful season, we are going to LOL at him or anyone ↵⇥else who tries to spin it as success. ↵
↵

↵It is. Root against UCLA the rest of this year, and ye shall be ↵rewarded. ↵

↵

SEC

↵

↵Auburn's hot start has foundered spectacularly, with ↵the latest indignity a 31-10 hammering at the hands of LSU that The War Eagle Reader calls an "abysmal, soul-wrecking performance" and ↵possibly the "single worst effort by an Auburn football team in ↵years." One-time genius savior Gus Malzahn is now veering towards ↵Tony Franklin II: ↵

↵
↵⇥It may be too early to declare that offensive coordinator Gus ↵⇥Malzahn's system will not translate to SEC play, but if you can't write ↵⇥it in ink you can definitely jot it down it in pencil. ... ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥You could make a case that, five-win string aside, Auburn's offense ↵⇥under Malzahn is currently even less effective than it was under the ↵⇥heckled Tony Franklin. His performance was considered so bad he was ↵⇥ejected from the program in mid-season and suffered the ignominy of the ↵⇥media snapping photos of him carting his belongings to his car after ↵⇥being summarily booted. ↵
↵

↵Really? Really, we want to broach another midseason coordinator axing ↵after last year's went so well? Chris Todd remains Chris Todd, and even ↵if Malzahn's magic fairy wand ran out of dust after six games, just ↵getting to six games with it is something of a minor miracle when your ↵quarterback's favorite pass trajectory is something out of Scorched ↵Earth. ↵

↵

↵The verdict, no sugar coat: ↵

↵
↵⇥Auburn is simply a bad football team. There's no way to sugar coat ↵⇥it. ↵
↵

↵Elsewhere in Auburn misery, the calls for the other coordinator are starting: ↵

↵
↵⇥

Fire Ted Roof PLEASE!

↵⇥I would like to know the true reason for the hire of Chizik. I ↵⇥believe as academics we can handle the truth. [Ed: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE ↵⇥TRUTH.] I know we will never know the truth of the Tuberville firing for ↵⇥if we did too many heads would roll. However this Chizik and Roof ↵⇥coaching staff is such an insult to the entire memory and institution as ↵⇥a whole I demand that Auburn fire Jay Jacobs, Chizik and for God's sake ↵⇥get rid of that loser Ted Roof. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥As long as Jay Jacobs is athletic director at Auburn, they will be a ↵⇥3rd tier football program. We are the 3rd oldest football club in the ↵⇥world for those of you who don't know. Auburn is not a training club for ↵⇥offensive and defensive coordinators and we are certainly not a training ↵⇥program for head coaches. If I could have a face to face with Jay Jacobs ↵⇥I would tell him he is at best incompetent and at worst a liar. When ↵⇥will the GAF stop funding and demand for the departure of Jacobs, ↵⇥Chizik, Malzahn and Roof? ↵
↵

↵Maybe Auburn should fire a coach and coordinator every year until ↵they get really, really good. I'm pretty sure that will work. ↵

↵

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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