This Week In Schadenfreude: Nov. 16

↵It was a matter of picking which member of college football's only ↵intersectional rivalry would take prime placement above the fold. And ↵while Notre Dame has plenty of agony going on, for the most part they've ↵moved into "let's hire Gruden and offer Meyer the offensive ↵coordinator spot" mode. They're split on whether they even want ↵Notre Dame to win again this year; merriment at their sadness will be reduced ↵until such time as Weis is retained or Notre Dame hires Glen Mason. ↵

↵

↵ ↵

↵

↵USC, on the other hand, is dealing with a crazy new ↵reality and facing down the ... whatever the bowls are that aren't Rose ↵Bowls. Trojan fans have dispatched someone to the archives to figure out ↵where they are. After a 55-21 defeat to Stanford in which Jim Harbaugh ↵pulled a Woody Hayes and gloatingly went for two on a touchdown that ↵wasn't even the last one the Cardinal scored, the knives are coming out ↵for Pete Carroll. ↵

↵

↵This comes from Conquest Chronicles and is testament to something deeply amiss with modern society (get off ↵my lawn!): ↵

↵
↵⇥I still believe in Pete Carroll... ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥BUT... ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥He now has a very slim margin of good will with a majority of the ↵⇥fans and alums. ↵
↵

↵What? Seriously? There is no way. Pete Carroll has -- ↵

↵
↵⇥Easy answer fire Pete and the loser son goes ↵⇥

↵⇥Posted By: THE BIGGEST USC FAN EVER ↵⇥
↵⇥Date: 11/15/2009 5:24:12 PM ↵⇥

↵⇥with him along with all the NFL washouts. ... ↵⇥
↵⇥Would Harbaugh come to SC? ↵⇥
↵⇥I hope so. ↵
↵

↵Ah. Okay. Point taken. There is also this film noir script masquerading as a diagnosis of ↵USC's fall: ↵

↵
↵⇥And so it comes...back to the dark ages.....no recruits, no coaches ↵⇥in a league full of coaches. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥How did it happen? The same way it started...arrogance. ↵
↵

↵He walked out of my life as soon as he walked in. I'll never ↵forget his steely gray jowls, or the way he left me. I know him only ↵as ... Chow. ↵

↵

↵To be fair, the bulk of USC fans are thankful for the last seven ↵years of dominance and, while critical, are keeping it above the belt. ↵Also this guy referenced the red shift of the universe: ↵

↵
↵⇥
The ↵⇥added wrinkle is
↵⇥that PC hasn't found the "defensive guru" hat to be satisfactory. ↵⇥Since 2005 he's been trying on the "offensive guru" and "special teams ↵⇥guru" and "just plain guru" hats... at the same time. Yesterday it was ↵⇥confirmed that there's a limit to all his "awesomeness," only the ↵⇥Universe can stay in full expansion mode "forever." ↵
↵

↵+1; USC is this week's Tears of Unfathomable Sadness ↵victor. The rest of the week in spleen after the jump. ↵

↵ ↵

BIG TEN

↵

↵This will be a TWIS first, but the people we're pointing and laughing ↵at after the Iowa-Ohio State game are not fans of either side but ↵beleaguered newspaper hacks (in mentality, if not ↵medium) livid at Ohio State's presumption. No fewer than three columns ↵whining about the Buckeye reign in the Big Ten have been penned since ↵Saturday. ↵

↵

↵You kind of expect it from Gregg Doyel, who's probably written a ↵jeremiad about cereal at some point in his life. This weekend took him ↵one step closer to the edge, and he's about to break: ↵

↵
↵⇥This was revolting. Ohio State won the game, the Big Ten title and a ↵⇥spot in the Rose Bowl -- but what did the Buckeyes lose? And can they ↵⇥ever get it back? ↵
↵

↵Doyel's got some blather about how both teams "quit," uses ↵"disgusting" three times, drops scare quotes around ↵"victory" and does this all because he's shocked that a Jim ↵Tressel team would take the most conservative route possible to victory. ↵"Raging against his own ignorance" should go on Doyel's ↵gravestone. For the first time ever, a "respected" national ↵columnist is the Scott Tenorman of the Week. ↵

↵

↵Okay, so that's Doyel, a professional bomb-thrower. Pat Forde is 1000 ↵times less insane and couches his column with a lot of "yes, ↵they're going to the Rose Bowl," but still comes down on the side of whine: ↵

↵
↵⇥You don't care. Because here in this tunnel-visioned, ↵⇥tradition-addicted conference, going to the Rose Bowl is just about as ↵⇥joyful a result as playing for the national title. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥And you don't care because even after the fans voiced their dismay, ↵⇥hyper-conservatism triumphed in the end. Your painful-to-watch ↵⇥pragmatism was rewarded. ↵
↵

↵And then there's Jason King on Yahoo, who manages to slip an ↵expletive into his column (!) en route to expressing the same sentiment: ↵

↵

↵  ↵

↵
↵⇥"This is bulls---," Johnson-Koulianos said to no one specific, and ↵⇥there are plenty of college football fans who feel the same way about ↵⇥the Buckeyes and the Big Ten. ↵
↵

↵Most folk in the Big Ten are pretty sick of Ohio State, too, but at ↵least we have reasons better than "runs too much." ↵

↵

↵(HT for this section: Black ↵Heart, Gold Pants.) ↵

↵

↵And your default autoschadenfreude for ↵Michigan after their 45-24 loss to Wisconsin last ↵weekend: ↵

↵
↵⇥There is an increased chance that sometime today I will read or hear ↵⇥something that cause my entire body to crumple and my head to thump ↵⇥audibly on the desk. So I guess that's different. Not different: for the ↵⇥second straight year the Ohio State week is only welcome because after ↵⇥it there won't be this unpleasant thing that happens every Saturday. The ↵⇥Notre Dame game seems like another decade. ↵
↵

↵Been there, done that, wrote the blog post, moving on. ↵

↵

BIG EAST

↵

↵West Virginia lost a valiant battle against ↵Cincinnati and may have gotten screwed in the process, so it's time for ↵our usual jaunt to the West Virginia Scout board for the best in ↵all-caps ranting. This one is so pure it could be the platonic ideal for these sorts of things: ↵

↵
↵⇥Losses are UNACCEPTABLE ↵⇥
↵⇥until Stew, staff, WVU and fanbase wholehearted believe this, we will ↵⇥remain an alsoran. ↵
↵

↵Emotional development ceasing in eight grade: check. Assertion that ↵fanbase has direct control over outcomes: check. Grammatical error(s): ↵check. "UNACCEPTABLE" in all caps: check. ↵

↵

↵To that board's credit, they've got a couple wags on there that tear ↵him apart, one gently, the other not so much. Gentle: ↵

↵
↵⇥Zapatista wrote: ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥Losses are inevitable... no matter which sport or coach is being ↵⇥examined. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥...now, we can have a whole separate discussion on which coach ↵⇥provides the best opportunity to decrease those losses. ↵
↵

↵Not so much: ↵

↵
↵⇥Too late. He already said they're UNACCEPTABLE. He used ↵⇥all caps, so he HAS to be right. ↵⇥

↵⇥  ↵⇥

↵
↵

↵WVU1andONLY has won the internet this week. ↵

↵

↵A close second is "ShortyLong," who responds to this alternate universe theory ... ↵

↵
↵⇥If Huggins was our football coach ↵⇥
↵⇥how do ↵⇥you think we would be this year. ↵⇥I believe after our first loss we wouldn't lose again. ↵
↵

↵... with this ... ↵

↵
↵⇥I don't think we would be very good because Bob Huggins is a ↵⇥basketball coach. ↵
↵

↵... which draws this response from the original poster ... ↵

↵
↵⇥dude come on...how he gets his players to play...how he hates losing, ↵⇥and not just happy to be there. your an idiot. ↵
↵

↵... and we're done here. I love that message board. It gets five ↵internets out of five. ↵

↵

BIG 12

↵

↵Oh ... it's not good at Texas A&M. TexAgs.com is ↵one of those uber-message boards along the lines of Spartan Tailgate ↵or ND Nation that's ↵developed its own culture after years of existence. All boards ↵eventually divide into two warring camps based on optimism levels. ↵Spartan Tailgate calls them "Sunshine Blowers" and ↵"Demand Excellencers." ND Nation bans everyone in the latter ↵group until such time as the moderators find themselves in it, at which ↵point they ban everyone in the former group. ↵

↵

↵At TexAgs.com the derogatory term for the sort of folk who use ↵UNACCEPTABLE in all caps is "potbanger" and a guy named "Batzarro" starts a thread for their use, setting the stage for ↵this exchange: ↵

↵
↵⇥rtrd: pot banger or realist? ↵⇥
↵⇥Batzarro: It has been statistically proven that ↵⇥potbangers over the last 7 years have been realists. ↵
↵

↵Okay, zing! That's not why I bring it up. I bring it up because the ↵next guy in this thread thinks the only thing that can save Texas ↵A&M is nuclear war: ↵

↵
↵⇥We're past the "pot bangers" vs "stand pat" ↵⇥debate - in today's hype oriented college football environment, where ↵⇥all the talent (player and coaches) gravitate towards the sexy programs, ↵⇥the A&M football program will never recover. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥The next chance we'll have is "on the other side" of the ↵⇥total financial collapse of college football as a whole. Maybe we'll ↵⇥fair better when college football is a more "inter-scholastic" ↵⇥pursuit like all the other sports. ↵
↵

↵A zombie apocalypse would probably work, too. College Station is ↵isolated and has lots of guns. Chances are they'd come out the other ↵side an attractive place to play football. ↵

↵

ACC

↵

↵Only one item of note happened in the ACC this week: Jacory Harris ↵lost significant amounts of fly-ness en route to a four-interception day ↵and loss against North Carolina. Miami falls out of the ↵BCS at-large picture and causes Canespace to get emo (your emoblogger approves!): ↵

↵
↵⇥Even John Lee Hooker, BB King and Stevie Ray Vaughn combined never ↵⇥had the Carolina blues like this. It was sad, very, very sad. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥Is this what my wife convinced me to drive ten hours to ↵⇥see? ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥For the Hurricanes to come out flat and unemotional once again and ↵⇥score zero points in the first quarter on the road? ... For Randy ↵⇥Shannon to have his team unprepared to play, argue calls with referees well ↵⇥after plays are over and then losing once again to an inferior team and ↵⇥his mentor in Butch Davis? ... To hear more excuses and bitter ↵⇥disappointment from UM fans than ever before about why the Canes still ↵⇥"are not there yet"? ↵
↵

↵That is indeed an ugly road trip. One of the big negatives of being a ↵Miami fan: every road game is a thousand miles away. Another: you're probably ↵feeling like Nebraska at this point. Power days have gone away, ↵seemingly permanently. ↵

↵

PAC-10

↵

↵The rest of the week in the Pac-10 played out according to script, so ↵there's not a whole lot to mine. A quick trip to ↵Washington's Dawgman message board will turn up something insane about Ty Willingham, though. ↵Right? ↵

↵
↵⇥Why did we fire Ty again? ↵⇥
↵⇥For going 0-12 ↵⇥without Locker, Polk and Savanah? ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥How many wins did Ty have the year before when Jake was a freshman? ↵⇥And how many is Sark going to get this year? ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥So why exactly did we throw millions of dollars away to bring in this ↵⇥chump? ↵
↵

↵Thanks, Dawgman! ↵

↵

SEC

↵

↵It was sort of a bad week for Tennessee. Three guys ↵got arrested for armed robbery and, adding insult to injury, drove away ↵in a Prius. Then the weekend happened: Tennessee got their faces smashed ↵by Dexter McCluster and maybe one or two other guys on Ole Miss, and ↵linebacker LaMarcus Thompson suffering a scary injury that saw him taken ↵off the field on a back board. ↵

↵

↵Memphispete reports back on an in-game comment by someone who ↵actually deploys "dadgum" in a seemingly unironic ↵fashion: ↵

↵
↵⇥Immediately after the 71 yard run, during which he ↵⇥weaved in and out of Tennessee's inept defense, ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥Dadgum, that was a real McClusterf--- by our ↵⇥defense. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥Um, never mind. Even if it made me nearly cry with ↵⇥laughter, it's still too crude to refer to. ↵
↵

↵Meanwhile, Rocky Top ↵Talk's weekly haiku contest is off to a stirring start: ↵

↵
↵⇥if the 'dores beat us ↵⇥
↵⇥I will do something crazy ↵⇥
↵⇥and get arrested ↵
↵

↵That's it for me. See you next week, when I post my dejected reaction ↵to Michigan's millionth-straight loss against Ohio State. ↵

↵

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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