The Egypt-Algeria World Cup Qualifier Today Will Be Realness, Son

Thanks to a 2-0 Egyptian victory over Algeria on Sunday in Cairo, the two teams will have to play again today at 12:30 ET to decide which team will be going to the World Cup. (Watch pirated stream here, not that we support that sort of thing.) This sets up what will be the most dangerous sporting event of the year, a one-game playoff match so poorly devised and fraught with danger Werner Herzog must be filming it with handicams behind the scenes.

1. The fanbases hate each other. Oh, Red Sox and Yankees fans, you don’t actually have a bloody civil war to mock the other about, or have international grudges about the lack of support you showed toward the other during a long war of independence. You hate the idea of what the person is, and would not actually harm the other person in a serious manner.

Egyptian and Algerian fans hate what the other actually is, and injured 32 in riots this week.

2. They set things on fire. Cell phone stores belonging to Egyptians, random boats in the harbor, anything with a pyramid or Omar Sharif on it -- it all went to the torch in riots by Algerian fans on Nov. 16th of this year. Best part? Some of this didn’t even happen in Algeria, but in Marseilles, France.

3. Even Star Players Maim People Over This Rivalry: Ahem:

In a post-match reception the Algerian star Lakhdar Belloumi “bottled” the Egyptian team doctor, who lost an eye. Belloumi was convicted in his absence and did not leave Algeria for 20 years.

Interpol was involved. Again, your rivalry is weak and does not involve international warrants.

4. Three words: Rickety. Sudanese Stadium. Someone decided this should happen in Sudan. This person should be fired, or maybe forced to sit in in the lower deck of the stadium, which normally sits 41,000 but will only take 35,000 due to concerns about the whole mess actually falling in on itself during the match.

Oh, and there will be 15,000 police on hand for the match. What could possibly go wrong?

UPDATE: Algeria beat Egypt 1-0, which means the stadium did not collapse.