This Week In Schadenfreude: Nov. 2

↵This Week in Schadenfreude contains some naughty language, so if you're easily offended move on to the next post. ↵

↵

↵ ↵

↵

↵I was pretty sure Michigan would escape the big pre-jump ↵feature this year just because expectations were so low going in and ↵something around 7-5 in the regular season would be a major step forward. But in the aftermath of Illinois -- freaking Illinois, which ↵hasn't beaten a I-A team all year, or even come close -- turning a 13-point ↵deficit into a ridiculous blowout with some help from instant replay, a ↵goal-line stand and Michigan's terrible defense I ↵wrote this: ↵

↵
↵⇥[A]t around 6:30 on October 31st, 2009, [Illinois DE Corey Liuget ↵⇥and ↵⇥I] both felt like we had been punched in the dong. In Liuget's case, ↵⇥this is because he had been punched ↵⇥in the dong. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥In my case, and probably in yours, you had not actually been punched ↵⇥in the dong unless you had decided at some point that going outside with ↵⇥your buddies and punching each other in the dongs was preferable to ↵⇥watch the metaphorical dong-punching that started when Roy Roundtree's ↵⇥knee hit the ground at the one yard line and has not, to my knowledge, ↵⇥stopped. If you managed to miss this play and its aftermath because you ↵⇥were outside getting punched in the dong, congratulations: this is the ↵⇥one and only time when your decision-making skills will ever be regarded ↵⇥above average. Punch yourself in the dong in celebration. ↵
↵

↵There are approximately 500 more words just on this topic. The punching. And so ↵here we are, bestowing Michigan another Tears of Infinite ↵Sadness award. ↵

↵

↵In the aftermath of that bomb, I put my home base on quasi-lockdown ↵and liberally deleted items that crossed the line into TWIS-worthy ↵stuff, and an e-mailer points out that's a little hypocritical for ↵someone who does this every week. He's right, so here's a peek into my ↵inbox. Warning: you are about to take a trip into the heart of ↵darkness. ↵

↵

↵Here's a guy calling himself "Thomas Marcus The Great," ↵liberally dashed for the kiddies: ↵

↵
↵⇥Remove me from this board. I'm sick of every Michigan fan living in ↵⇥denial of the fact that our coach does not fit our team system. BECAUSE ↵⇥HE DOESN'T. I'm sick to f--- of this man. I'm sick of his bitching about ↵⇥the team on the sideline. His a----- antics torwards his players after a ↵⇥bad play he needs to go. You can't tell yourself your not happy either. ↵⇥F------ losing to a 1-6 Illinois team? There's something wrong and I'm ↵⇥sick of it. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥Good luck with your board. Lot of people there that are blind. ↵
↵

↵For some reason in the aftermath of things like this -- and I've got ↵experience, yes I do -- there's a spate of people asking me to delete their ↵accounts. Idea: delete it yourself by not using it. Reward: ↵Scott Tenorman of the Week. ↵

↵

↵Another brings forth the state of Michigan's most famous inept ↵spread quarterback fiasco disaster: ↵

↵
↵⇥Are We Becoming the JLS Spartans? ↵
↵

↵This one is long, frustrated, and not dumb. At the end it really ↵brings home the Michigan fanbase portion of the angst, though: ↵

↵
↵⇥He can't beat s----- teams in October in four tries over two years ↵⇥then he's got to take the heat for that. It reminds me of the ↵⇥story when Brezhnev succeeded Khrushchev in the USSR. K gave B two ↵⇥letters and said when you get in your first jam, open this letter. ↵⇥When you get in your second jam, open this one. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥The first jam came, B opened the letter which said "Blame it all ↵⇥on me, that you inherited the problems from me and you'll get through ↵⇥it." The second jam came, B opened the second letter which ↵⇥said: "Sit down and write two letters." When you ↵⇥get outscored 31-0 in the second by a team that has not beaten a I-A ↵⇥team until today and can't punch it in from first and goal from the one ↵⇥against the worst rushing defense in the league, it's time to sit down ↵⇥and write two letters. ↵
↵

↵That's kind of a firing request, isn't it? That remains hasty, but ↵poke a Michigan fan this day to find out what he thinks and you're ↵probably not going to get "that remains hasty." Sports fans ↵aren't Ents. They're anti-Ents. ↵

↵

↵The rest of the week in spleen after the jump. ↵

↵

ACC

↵

↵The Michigan 'freude spills over into a second conference as From Old Virginia, a UVA ↵blog run by a guy who also went to school at Michigan, surveys ↵the next month of his life: ↵

↵
↵⇥i ↵⇥have two favorite football teams and neither one of them is going to win ↵⇥again for the rest of the season ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥also, I am a Lions fan ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥i hate football ↵
↵

↵The ennui is so overwhelming that punctuation and capitalization go ↵out the window: FOV has descended into emo MySpace mode. This is ↵entirely appropriate after losing to Duke. ↵

↵

BIG EAST

↵

↵The only satisfaction West Virginia fans got out of ↵the weekend was grimly watching Rich Rodriguez implode, after a weird Friday ↵night game against South Florida saw the Bulls extend their strange ↵dominance over the league's premier program, pending Cincinnati ↵ascension noted. Bulls quarterback B.J. Daniels refuses to throw or run ↵for anything less than 60 yards, which makes him ineptly dangerous. Bill ↵Stewart punted from the USF 33 yard line down eight points late in the ↵game, which just makes him inept. ↵

↵

↵There are actually guys on the WVU boards arguing in favor of the ↵decision and blaming the punter for not shanking it enough, ↵but a few guys have their heads on straight about how terrible that was. ↵They might go over the top, but if you told me I had to pick between this ↵guy ... ↵

↵
↵⇥I agree with Stew. Punter's fault. They practice all week. Gotta punt ↵⇥it inside the 5 out of bounds. DO NOT KICK it in the end zone what ever ↵⇥you do. I'm sure the coaches told him that. Punt the ball! ↵
↵

↵... and this ↵guy... ↵

↵
↵⇥He's gutless and clueless, and his teams play the same way. ↵
↵

↵... for anything ever, I'd pick the lunatic with a basic grasp of math ↵over the lunatic who thinks teams practice punts from the 33. ↵

↵

↵In the aftermath, it's always fun to hop on West Virginia's Scout ↵board and soak ↵in the all-caps: ↵

↵
↵⇥

IS ALL HOPE REALLY LOST????

↵
↵

↵This guy argues no. This guy argues yes and has a great ↵idea for one of those website things: ↵

↵
↵⇥

www.coachstewartsucks.com

↵⇥
↵⇥how come we dont have one of these websites? ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥i woud support and post there as well if we could... ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥BET there would be lots of support for this! ↵
↵

↵That must be a first: someone complaining that ↵the Fire Coach X website doesn't exist. There's a FireCoachX.com site ↵for everyone. ↵

↵

↵And as always, there are Rich ↵Rodriguez ↵threads ↵to peruse. I love ↵Toddie00 to bits: ↵

↵
↵⇥

ROD WAS AWESOME AGAINST USF

↵⇥
↵⇥Since everyone is complaining about how Bill lost the game last night ↵⇥(not because the team did not execute, ALL BILL) ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥What about the Haters SAViOR AND GOD, RR, I do believe he did not win ↵⇥in 2006 or 2007 against USF, but I guess that was ok???? ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥Per all the haters, didn't Rod have a Mercedes of a team or a ↵⇥Jag?? You tell me ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥So I guess its ok when Rod loses with the best WVU players ever but ↵⇥when Stew lost with a Toyota/Ford?? It is the end of the ↵⇥world.... ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥That makes perfect SENSE ↵
↵

↵YESSSSSSS random capitalization. ↵

↵

BIG TEN

↵

↵Poor Indiana. I mean, you're Indiana and you ↵have fourth-quarter leads at both Michigan and Iowa and come up empty ↵because of questionable calls in both games. And you're Indiana. It's to the point where this ↵doesn't seem irrational: ↵

↵
↵⇥God HATES IU Football....seriously. I'm so sick of this ↵⇥crap ↵
↵

↵Did you see the Tyler Sash interception? Or the ridiculously ↵overturned Indiana touchdown? That's just truth. ↵

↵

BIG 12

↵

↵Sometimes the best TWIS material doesn't get posted until sometime ↵after Monday; we'll see a fantastic example of this in the SEC section ↵in a moment. Its relevance to this section has to do with ↵Nebraska, which turned it over eight times against Iowa ↵State last week in a 9-7 loss. One of the writers at Corn Nation then headed ↵in for a physical: ↵

↵
↵⇥Next up is a mental health questionnaire. Again I wonder if they give ↵⇥this to everyone or if I'm special because of the way I look, which is ↵⇥deranged, even when sleeping. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥I take a look at it, and I'm going down through the list of questions ↵⇥that include what seems like normal stuff: Do you feel guilty? Do you ↵⇥feel sad? Do you feel happy? ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥The next one on the list, however, catches me by surprise: ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥- Do you feel like you're being punished? ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥I stare at it for a minute. I've never really thought about it. Do I ↵⇥feel like I'm being punished..... Mrs CN has reminded me that I ↵⇥take this whole Nebraska football thing a little too personal, but at ↵⇥this moment I have to wonder...... Do I feel like I'm being punished? ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥Who am I kidding? Eight turnovers, seven points and losing at home ↵⇥for the first time in 32 years to Iowa State? You're damned right I feel ↵⇥like I'm being punished, so I go ahead and check that, yes, I feel like ↵⇥I'm being punished. ↵
↵

PAC-10

↵

↵USC's remarkable run at the top of the Pac-10 and, often, college ↵football came to an end with a 47-20 stomping at the hands of Oregon. ↵Over at We Are SC, it's time to reflect, appreciate a nearly decade-long ↵run of dominance, and thank Pete ↵Carroll for what he's done: ↵

↵
↵⇥howe do you explain this ? ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥THE EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES - pete can recruit and motivate-he ↵⇥cannot coach period !!! ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥he has now been embarrassed by THREE offenses in a row !!! ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥watch our recruiting fall off the charts after this - there is no ↵⇥way henderson, powell, shaw, lache, etc come here after this - we could ↵⇥even get beaten by Stanford at this rate ↵
↵

↵If Pete Carroll is an emperor with no clothes, what does that make ↵every other coach in college football? They must have no skin. USC is ↵the nation's prime candidate for a fanbase civil war between folks like ↵the guy quoted above and responders like ↵this guy: ↵

↵
↵⇥
↵⇥ Disgusting and Pathetic FANBASE ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥You know who you are. ↵⇥
↵
↵

↵"UncleWheaty" asks "have we become ↵jaded?" Of course you've become jaded. Your team has ↵won the conference seven straight years. How many replies did Uncle ↵Wheaty get? Zero. Jaded. ↵

↵

↵And this guy wins the ↵internet this week: ↵

↵
↵⇥
↵⇥Dear Spread Offense, ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥I FREAKIN HATE YOU
↵⇥
↵⇥Regards, ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥Trojan Fan ↵
↵

SEC

↵

↵Georgia bloggers are getting warmed up for long ↵diatribes that involve punching yourself in sensitive areas after ↵another loss to Florida, this time a crushing one. They're not quite ↵there yet, but you can see the twitch in the eye, the lip-biting, the ↵pacing around hoping the dog shows its face so you can punt it. Even Dawg Sports -- the most lawyer-tastic ↵sports blog of them all, and that's saying something -- is cleaning ↵up vomit afterwards: ↵

↵
↵⇥That, quite simply, was as bad as it possibly could have been. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥All of our excuses were exposed as falsehoods and all of our hopes ↵⇥were reduced to dust. ... ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥In 1992, as I sat numb and dumbfounded in the passenger seat of my ↵⇥father's car while we drove away from Jacksonville after seeing Ray ↵⇥Goff's best team beaten by Steve Spurrier's worst team, a realization ↵⇥dawned clearly and completely in my mind: No Ray Goff-coached team ↵⇥will ever beat a Steve Spurrier-coached team. None ever did. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥Today, this realization came to me with equal clarity and certainty: ↵⇥The current Georgia coaching staff will never beat the current ↵⇥Florida coaching staff. One or the other must change before we will ↵⇥ever win in Jacksonville again. ↵
↵

↵This is one short step away from true apathetic gallows humor, a step ↵that a couple other Georgia blogs -- remember, this school's blogosphere ↵is just about the most rational in college football -- have embraced ↵wholeheartedly: ↵

↵
↵⇥If the entire defensive coaching staff had gone to Bermuda for two ↵⇥weeks and simply met the team at the stadium, what would have been ↵⇥different about our game plan or execution? Seriously. ↵
↵

↵It would have been really tan. And then there's just crushing ↵ennui: ↵

↵
↵⇥From the ESPN ↵⇥recap: "That's a bunch of fake juice, coaches trying to get ↵⇥their players going because it was a pretty close game," (Ryan) Stamper ↵⇥said. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥This is what the Georgia program has come to: gimmickry instead of ↵⇥fundamental football. ↵⇥
↵⇥
↵⇥I wasn't expecting too much today, so I didn't think I could be ↵⇥embarrassed watching this team play, but I guess I underestimated ↵⇥them. ↵
↵

↵And Mark Richt begins to feel serious heat. ↵

↵

↵Tennessee destroyed South Carolina, but this column ↵would be remiss if it didn't revisit last week's Tears-securing loss to ↵Alabama for this beauty. It is NSFW like whoah: ↵

↵
↵ ↵⇥ ↵⇥ ↵⇥ ↵⇥ ↵⇥ ↵⇥ ↵ ↵
↵

↵That'll do it for this week. Thank God. ↵

↵

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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