The Chiefs In Madden 10: An Exercise In Misery

These are dark days for a Kansas City Chiefs fan who wishes to play as his/her favorite team on Madden 10. Of course, the Chiefs are one of the worst teams out of the box, but you were at least afforded a couple of offensive playmakers in Dwayne Bowe and an alternate-universe Larry Johnson who could manage the occasional 5-yard gain.

Madden 10's newest roster update, which hit today, reflects the exit of Larry Johnson and the suspension of Dwayne Bowe. Matt Cassel is still a halfway competent quarterback, but his weapon at halfback is Jamaal Charles, who can run fast but who fumbles approximately four times per carry. His new receiving corps, presumably the end result of a brilliant cross-promotion scheme by the video game industry, is comprised of the slow-moving zombie from Half-Life 2, a poorly-rendered Goomba (which is of course armless) from Mario 64, and one of the baserunners from the original RBI Baseball.

The best strategy for a Chiefs fan, then, is to put down the controller and seek refuge in the real world, where Chris Collinsworth's broken-record analysis cannot find you. He will tell you, you haven't lived until you've caught one of those high hard ones and had one of those clowns flip you upside-down!