NBA Talking Points, Tryptophan Edition: Staring At 0-17 And Sitting Pretty

Well it’s been another week of basketball, and another Allen Iverson story is percolating across the internet. Did you ever think that Allen Iverson and Brett Farve would be thought of in similar terms? We’re not close yet, but if Iverson draws out this retirement a few more weeks, makes a comeback, retires, makes another comeback… We could be looking at Allen Iverson, the Next Brett Favre. If that happens, will the world explode?

Compare the commercials. Favre’s Wrangler Ad: He’s just out there tossing around the football, chuckling with his buddies, getting dirty in the mud. Got his truck and a dog with him. Heaven for a good ole boy, ya know?

And Iverson’s Reebok commercial with Jadakiss is a good ole boy’s WORST NIGHTMARE. Hip-hop … Headbands … Flashy dribbling … Fancy looking tennis shoes … All black clothing … One of those rapper guys … Iverson’s cornrows. I mean, good lord. Somewhere in the deep south, a white supremacist shudders.

Because it’s entirely possible that Allen Iverson could become the new Brett Favre. We’re not there yet, but we’ve got all the same factors, and Allen Iverson’s official statement yesterday made it pretty clear he’s not done playing. From his official statement: “I still have tremendous love for the game, the desire to play, and a whole lot left in my tank. I feel strongly that I can still compete at the highest level.” …But, um, I’m retiring.

Right.

Let’s just hope we’re not subject to the media orgy that we’ve seen with Favre over the past few years. With that in mind, let’s forget we mentioned this, and move on to a mini-version of this week’s NBA Talking Points, where tryptophan has me operating at about 40% capacity.

Or, in other words, exactly like Don Nelson the past 18 months.

The New Jersey Nets are currently the owners of the worst record in the NBA at 0-15, and tonight, there’s a chance they could get closer to tying the 1988 Miami Heat and 1999 Los Angeles Clippers for the worst start in league history, 0-17. What’ll they have to do to avoid it? Beat the surprisingly plucky Sacramento Kings, on the road at Arco Arena. Not exactly a Herculean task, but for the Nets, it’s been that kind of year so far. NOTHING has come easily.

If they lose in Sactown, the Nets fall to 0-16, and will have to beat the L.A. Lakers on Sunday to avoid historic ignominy. November has not been kind to the Nets.

You know when you have a really bad day that somehow just keeps getting worse as it unfolds? To the point where finally it just feels like the whole world is against you? At some point, you’re just about to ready to explode and/or melt down, right? Even the hardest cynics can sympathize at that point, because it happens to all of us every now and then. And when someone’s having that bad of a day, you can see it on their face. That’s sort of where the New Jersey Nets are right now, with one caveat.

The New Jersey Nets are like your friend who’s got a super hot girlfriend, a beautiful home, and an insanely large inheritance waiting for him. Yeah, he may have a bad day, a bad week, or like the Nets, maybe even a bad month. But look at his life! There are so many people that’d trade places in an instant, it’s pretty tough to feel sorry for someone so unbelievably fortunate. Someone like that may hit a rough patch at some point, but from a broader perspective, there’s not a whole lot to worry about.

And that’s the Nets. They’ve got so much going for them right now—as opposed to other cellar dwellers like Minnesota, Memphis, Golden State, or Charlotte—that this losing streak is mostly just hilarious. And really, it’s best we all laugh now, because in less than a year from now, the scene in New Jersey will be drastically different. This summer I mentioned that I’m glad SB Nation doesn’t have a Nets blogger. Why? Because I’d have to punch him in the stomach out of jealousy.

Let’s take a look at what they’re working with:

— Brook Lopez. One of the best young big men in the league.

— Devin Harris. A great scorer at point guard who would be a perfect second-or-third option on a great team

— Courtney Lee. A very good shooter, solid defender, and still developing in his second year.

— Terrence Williams. Only a rookie, but has the makings of a quintessential “glue guy” on a winning team.

— Chris Douglas-Roberts. Old school, criminally underrated, and should be effective off the bench for years to come.

Of those five, only Harris and maybe Lopez could be considered in the “star” mold, while the rest of ‘em are role players that are currently trying to play starring roles. Hence 0-16. But that’s part of why this is so intriguing. The way things have shaken out for New Jersey, they’re going to have enough cap space this offseason to sign a star, and suddenly, those role players don’t have to strain themselves to be something they’re not.

With the impending move to Brooklyn, a chance to add one or two superstars this offseason (Lebron? Dwyane Wade? Amare? Bosh?), and what figures to be a Top 3 lottery selection, the Nets have laid an AWESOME foundation. Even Oklahoma City fans should be jealous. Because the Nets are about to jump into the biggest market in the world, with a superstar, a core of very good and very young role players, and possibly a top draft pick.

I mean, if the Nets draft John Wall this year and then get Lebron James… They’re winning at least two or three NBA titles in the next five years. Simple as that. Even if they miss out on those two, the pieces are in place for them to land at least one superstar, and with a new arena in Brooklyn and an insanely rich owner, they’re about to become one of a handful of NBA glamour destinations. So, pardon the turbulence, Nets fans, but you guys are headed to pretty awesome destination.

And as for that owner, Mikhail Prokhorov. He hasn’t even taken over the team yet, but man, is that guy going to be fun. Have you heard of Google Alerts? The only person I’ve ever done one of those with is Lil Wayne, and he’s absolutely worth it. One day you find out about a new song, the next, you find out he got arrested with 30 grams of cocaine and ecstasy, and the next you find out he showed up four hours late to a show, but only because he just had another baby. It’s unbelievable. There will never be another Lil Wayne.

And you know what? Mikhail Prokhorov might be headed to that territory. He’s the only other celebrity I’ve gotten a Google Alert on, and while so far it’s been pretty tame stuff, once he takes over the Nets and hits the media limelight, I’m prepared for just about anything. Prostitution scandals? $100,000 tabs at nightclubs with Jay-Z and Lebron? Hostile takeover of Russian corporations? NBA investigations into mob ties? Anything is possssiblllllllleeee!!!!

For more what makes Lil Wayne the greatest Google Alert candidate ever, check out the new documentary, The Carter. It got a lot of buzz at Sundance a while back, and the hype’s completely justified. An pretty intimate look at one of the more unique artists of this generation.

Here’s the thing about basketball: on the surface, it looks like there’s no method to the madness. A casual fan has trouble recognizing the "plays" or prevailing strategies; mostly, it just looks like a bunch of insanely talented athletes making things up as they go. Then, look closer and get more familiar with the game, and you start to realize that each team really does run plays, the coaches actually have greater responsibilities than just "working the refs," and there’s a whole lot more to the free-for-all than meets the eye. A method to the madness.

But there’s not THAT much of a method. In many ways, the best NBA offenses are ones that keep things simple for the players, and put trust in the players to read the defense, beat their man, and make a play. When NBA offenses are micro-managed, it shortchanges the athletes on the floor, and usually ends in chaos. Look at what happened in Phoenix last year; Terry Porter wanted a halfcourt offense, and the team chafed under his attempts to rein in the freewheeling attack that’d emerged over the past few years. What happened when he was fired and interim head coach Alvin Gentry brought back the freedom? The Suns scored 140 points in his debut as coach.

That’s an oversimplified example, but this isn’t: According to the New York Times’ Jonathan Abrams, NBA teams run a pick-and-roll on offense roughly 20% of the time. When you think about it, that’s pretty amazing. Especially when you consider how often they run it in crunch time. For some perspective, the pick-and-roll is the basketball equivalent of the "read option" in college football, and most teams in the NBA play like 1940s Notre Dame, just running variations of the same play, over and over and over again.

via nydailynews.com

Which is ironic, of course, because where Notre Dame’s option would bore even the most rabid contemporary fans, the NBA’s reliance on the pick-and-roll—and the pick-and-pop, and other simple plays that NBA teams run over-and-over again—is what makes the game so exciting. Rather than get bogged down with labrynthine offensive sets, it’s become more and more en vogue to the let the players play, and that’s a good thing. With a good players, it’s really, really difficult to guard.

From Abrams’ excellent piece:

But over all, the Synergy numbers confirm what many in the N.B.A. have witnessed. Offenses now spread defenses thin with mobile big men, quick point guards and long-distance shooters. The pick-and-roll is the orchestrator of all that.

It is also the formula that the Magic used as it made its way to the N.B.A. finals last season. The pick-and-roll allows Howard, the game’s most athletic center, to gain position in the post on the move.

"That way, he can step in and get the ball deep in the post and step in and score," Nelson said. "And we can use it for our shooters to create shots for others and myself."

N.B.A. teams use various methods to combat the pick-and-roll, although none are highly effective. […]

"If it’s Tim Duncan rolling to the basket, you want to take Tim Duncan away with your help," Philadelphia 76ers Coach Eddie Jordan said. "Now, if you have Tony Parker and Tim Duncan, you have to stop the ball, which is Tony Parker, and you’ve got to give help, so you’re leaving somebody open. Probably, Manu Ginobili for a 3. You have to pick your poison."

Just a few days ago, on Tuesday night, I watched Louis Williams make an absolute mockery of Gilbert Arenas in fourth quarter of the 76ers-Wizards game. A few weeks ago, I compared Steve Nash to Jennifer Aniston. Building on that point guard-female celebrity analogy… Tuesday night, Louis Williams was Anne Hathaway, and Gilbert Arenas was Kate Hudson, and the game was Bride Wars. First, some background.

Bride Wars was forced upon me by my girlfriend recently, and let me tell you, what an AWFUL movie. Aside from the obvious chick-flickishness, it’s a story about two women who are too stubborn to change their wedding date, and both HAVE to get married at the Plaza Hotel. I officially decided I wanted to pull my fingernails out was when Kate Hudson stormed into her boyfriend’s office and demanded that he ask her to marry him. And he did! Talk about ignoring a red flag… Anyway, after taking my girlfriend to see Inglourious Basterds, we’re definitely even.

But what resonated most for me, other than the horrid entertainment quality, was that Kate Hudson has, uh… lost a step. Or two. Or eight. Or gained twenty pounds. I don’t know. You get the point. But she’s gone from being one of the most gorgeous women in Hollywood to Bride Wars, where she was badly upstaged by Anne Hathaway, an actress who's cute, but by no means “Top 10 in Hollywood” hot. Which Kate Hudson used to be.

By the end of the movie, it was legitimately awkward when they were onscreen together. And, at least on Tuesday night, that’s how the Sixers-Wizards played out. Louis Williams will never be a top 10 guard in this league, but damn, he sure upstaged Gilbert down the stretch. Williams missed the game winner, but he showed enough down the stretch that I left the game wondering where his career might go. And I’m curious just the same for Hathaway.

And on Thursday, one of those questions was answered for the time being. Louis Williams is out for a few months with a broken jaw that’s currently wired shut. Visual confirmation? Twitpic, of course. And for the record, it was between putting that picture of Williams' jaw, or the above shot of Hudson and Hathaway. You’re welcome.

So what’s the lesson, here? Well, first off, Bride Wars is a terrible movie. Second, Louis Williams’ Thanksgiving dinner wasn’t nearly as enjoyable as yours or mine. And finally, the 76ers better-than-you-thought starting point guard is out indefinitely, and at least two months, with a broken jaw. Not to feed the beast, but… Iverson to the 76ers? Maybe? Who’s with me? Anyone? [Ed. note: Apparently the NBA gods have no sense of irony, as ESPN's Marc Stein throws some water on the Iverson-back-to-Philly rumors] 

Now you can have both! The Memphis Grizzlies are on a 4-game winning streak, and just recently, Hamad Haddadi of the Grizzlies posed with Omari Cassipi of the Sacramento Kings. The former is from Iran, and the latter is from Israel, producing the photographic equivalent of a post-millennial U2 lyric. The photo:

Jokes aside, it’s pretty cool that basketball could bridge a conflict like this. Iran refuses to recognize Israel as a nation, and that policy that includes its basketball team. Iran has gone so far as to avoid tournaments where they might play Israel. That, and you know, the countries have been trading vicious bloodshed (through proxies) for decades. Fanhouse’s Chris Tomasson provides more backstory, and it’s worth a look.

By the way, I didn’t forget about last week’s promise to use exclusively Wire quotes. The problem, I realized, is that all of the best quotes from that video are profane and/or involve the n-word. We can slip the occasional shit or god damn past the SB Nation Big Brother, but using repeated profanity for 2,000 words—most of which involves violence—would have been pushing it. To do a Wire column, I’d have to sanitize literally everything that made the show great. So that’s why we’re passing on it, at least for now.

And, oh yeah, this commercial is excellent:

A jumpshot can get you…

A shoe deal, a supermodel, a big house, fancy cars, a bunch of yes-men, and a Swiss bank account.

But none of these things... can get you a jumpshot.