The Nets: Historically Awful, And Sitting Pretty

The New Jersey Nets are currently the owners of the worst record in the NBA at 0-15, and tonight, there’s a chance they could get closer to tying the 1988 Miami Heat and 1999 Los Angeles Clippers for the worst start in league history, 0-17. What’ll they have to do to avoid it? Beat the surprisingly plucky Sacramento Kings, on the road at Arco Arena. Not exactly a Herculean task, but for the Nets, it’s been that kind of year so far. NOTHING has come easily.

If they lose in Sactown, the Nets fall to 0-16, and will have to beat the L.A. Lakers on Sunday to avoid historic ignominy. November has not been kind to the Nets.

You know when you have a really bad day that somehow just keeps getting worse as it unfolds? To the point where finally it just feels like the whole world is against you? At some point, you’re just about to ready to explode and/or melt down, right? Even the hardest cynics can sympathize at that point, because it happens to all of us every now and then. And when someone’s having that bad of a day, you can see it on their face. That’s sort of where the New Jersey Nets are right now, with one caveat.

The New Jersey Nets are like your friend who’s got a super hot girlfriend, a beautiful home, and an insanely large inheritance waiting for him. Yeah, he may have a bad day, a bad week, or like the Nets, maybe even a bad month. But look at his life! There are so many people that’d trade places in an instant, it’s pretty tough to feel sorry for someone so unbelievably fortunate. Someone like that may hit a rough patch at some point, but from a broader perspective, there’s not a whole lot to worry about.

And that’s the Nets. They’ve got so much going for them right now—as opposed to other cellar dwellers like Minnesota, Memphis, Golden State, or Charlotte—that this losing streak is mostly just hilarious. And really, it’s best we all laugh now, because in less than a year from now, the scene in New Jersey will be drastically different. This summer I mentioned that I’m glad SB Nation doesn’t have a Nets blogger. Why? Because I’d have to punch him in the stomach out of jealousy.

Let’s take a look at what they’re working with:

— Brook Lopez. One of the best young big men in the league.

— Devin Harris. A great scorer at point guard who would be a perfect second-or-third option on a great team

— Courtney Lee. A very good shooter, solid defender, and still developing in his second year.

— Terrence Williams. Only a rookie, but has the makings of a quintessential “glue guy” on a winning team.

— Chris Douglas-Roberts. Old school, criminally underrated, and should be effective off the bench for years to come.

Of those five, only Harris and maybe Lopez could be considered in the “star” mold, while the rest of ‘em are role players that are currently trying to play starring roles. Hence 0-16. But that’s part of why this is so intriguing. The way things have shaken out for New Jersey, they’re going to have enough cap space this offseason to sign a star, and suddenly, those role players don’t have to strain themselves to be something they’re not.

With the impending move to Brooklyn, a chance to add one or two superstars this offseason (Lebron? Dwyane Wade? Amare? Bosh?), and what figures to be a Top 3 lottery selection, the Nets have laid an AWESOME foundation. Even Oklahoma City fans should be jealous. Because the Nets are about to jump into the biggest market in the world, with a superstar, a core of very good and very young role players, and possibly a top draft pick.

I mean, if the Nets draft John Wall this year and then get Lebron James… They’re winning at least two or three NBA titles in the next five years. Simple as that. Even if they miss out on those two, the pieces are in place for them to land at least one superstar, and with a new arena in Brooklyn and an insanely rich owner, they’re about to become one of a handful of NBA glamour destinations. So, pardon the turbulence, Nets fans, but you guys are headed to pretty awesome destination.

And as for that owner, Mikhail Prokhorov. He hasn’t even taken over the team yet, but man, is that guy going to be fun. Have you heard of Google Alerts? The only person I’ve ever done one of those with is Lil Wayne, and he’s absolutely worth it. One day you find out about a new song, the next, you find out he got arrested with 30 grams of cocaine and ecstasy, and the next you find out he showed up four hours late to a show, but only because he just had another baby. It’s unbelievable. There will never be another Lil Wayne.

And you know what? Mikhail Prokhorov might be headed to that territory. He’s the only other celebrity I’ve gotten a Google Alert on, and while so far it’s been pretty tame stuff, once he takes over the Nets and hits the media limelight, I’m prepared for just about anything. Prostitution scandals? $100,000 tabs at nightclubs with Jay-Z and Lebron? Hostile takeover of Russian corporations? NBA investigations into mob ties? Anything is possssiblllllllleeee!!!!

For more what makes Lil Wayne the greatest Google Alert candidate ever, check out the new documentary, The Carter. It got a lot of buzz at Sundance a while back, and the hype’s completely justified. An pretty intimate look at one of the more unique artists of this generation.