This Week In Schadenfreude: Nov. 30

↵Coach firing season always hurts the schadenfreude available because teams on the receiving end of humiliating beatings or yet another last-second loss make quick goodbyes and turn their attention to who the next savior will be. But the economic downturn has provided another source by forcing schools to keep total failures around long enough for their buyouts to be manageable. ↵

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↵Colorado is the first school to suck it up. Fans are preparing to watch INTRAMURALS next year, but not before shredding ↵the press release announcing Hawkins' return: ↵

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↵⇥-"While Colorado is 3 - 8 this year, three of the losses were by seven points or less." ↵⇥

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↵⇥Are you kidding me? Was this really written? Was this what they prepared to win the fan base over with? This was the masterful comment that was going to rally the masses and make us go, "yes, I agree with the decision and support the University." Really, that is the best we can do? Will all the academic prowess in Boulder, this is it? … ↵⇥

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↵⇥I am surprised the release didn't say the Colorado Buffaloes were competitive against Toledo when they won third quarter 21 - 14. ↵⇥

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↵And this is without question the greatest malapropism in the history of the internet, emphasis mine.: ↵

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↵⇥This is absolutely incredible.....So NOW, if Hawk wins half his games next year (If this is true) it will be seen as an improvement and be hired again for the next year!? Absolutely unexceptible!!! I'm actually speechless.......... ↵⇥

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↵"Speechless" seems like a good idea, actually. Colorado wins the Tears of Unfathomable Sadness without the loss against Nebraska even factoring in. The rest of the week in spleen after the jump. ↵

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BIG TEN

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↵…had the week off except for Illinois doing better than expected against Cincinnati. ↵

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NOTRE DAME
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↵Meanwhile, at Notre Dame they're mostly in OMG STOOPS mode but with Jimmy Clausen's career presumably at an end, John Walters—of all people—has brought out the knives for Clausen. Clausen gets punched in the eye, has a brilliant performance against Stanford, and Walters goes ↵off on him: ↵

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↵⇥Notre Dame will miss the man with the golden arm -- not to mention the Golden ↵⇥Tate -- but it will hardly miss the drama, the privileged existence or the entourage that defined Clausen's three seasons. Clausen was his typically brilliant self on Saturday night -- 23 of 30 for 340 yards and five touchdown passes without a turnover -- but "to be honest," there has rarely been a time in Clausen's three years in South Bend when it was felt that Clausen was being honest. Or genuine. ↵⇥

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↵Dude! Walters cites the secret shoulder surgery before his freshman year that turned Clausen's arm into a noodle and wasn't confirmed until the following summer, blaming Clausen for a sleight of hand that was undoubtedly Weis' doing and is standard operating procedure for secretive coaches nationwide. He also suggests that getting punched in the face is a suspendable offense: ↵

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↵⇥How many others could be involved in an off-campus altercation and yet be allowed to start on Saturday night devoid of any public explanation as to the circumstances surrounding the blackened left eye or even whether they would be held to some level of -- and here's another buzz word from this miserable month -- "accountability"? ↵⇥

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↵In between, he trashes Clausen for eating pizza with his family after the game. After, he suggests that Clausen missed on the opportunity to acquire a "true sense of [the] unique college experience" at Notre Dame. I'm beginning to wonder if Walters himself is the secret puncher. ↵

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ACC

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↵Clemson managed to blow a satisfying nine-win season in Dabo Swinney's first outing in an uncompetitive loss to South Carolina that was 24-7 before the offense finally got on the board in the fourth quarter—the seven was a C.J. Spiller kickoff return touchdown. ↵In doing this, Clemson proves that there is such a thing as program ↵momentum: the Tigers' ability to turn any indication they might be rounding into top-10 form into a disappointing loss to a team under .500 in its conference goes beyond Bowden or Swinney into the very silly purple fabric of the program itself. ↵

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↵This one, though, is a little ↵different. Clemson has had solid control over Carolina for a long time: ↵

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33 ↵⇥IM A MAN IM FORTY on Nov 29, 2009 at 6:55 pm:

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↵⇥Ich bin ein gamecock. ↵⇥

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↵⇥Now I know what it feels to be truly a gamecock – dominated and demoralized. First time in many moons where the orange folks left the stadium before the garnet folks. ↵⇥

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↵Not so much this time. ↵

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BIG EAST

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↵The only result of note was West Virginia slipping by Pitt; even another crushing Louisville loss was no fun because Kragthorpe got ↵axed immediately afterward, causing Card Chronicle to declare Louisville's "short, regional nightmare" over. ↵

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↵Stray Panther fans looking for someone to blame can look squarely upon Chas from Pitt Blather: ↵

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↵⇥I really don’t believe in omens, portents and anything on a personal level impacting or influencing the outcome of the game. That said, I do have an irrational sense of guilt over this. ↵⇥

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↵⇥Most of the season I have had at least one dollop of good bourbon (okay, usually more especially when tailgating). Most of the season it has been the recently resurrected Michter’s ↵⇥bourbon — at least in name. ↵⇥… I stopped at a liquor store — to much eye-rolling from my wife. Ran in and this liquor store did not have it. … ↵⇥

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↵⇥It was already getting close to 6 and in the car was my mom, wife and son. There was really no rational or sane way for me to drive them to another liquor store in search of a particular bourbon. I mean, how do explain that without seeming like a complete loon and/or someone with a potential drinking problem? So, I “settled” for Maker’s Mark which got me through most of last year. ↵⇥

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↵⇥And, well, we all know what happened to the game. On the plus side, I have finally clipped my toenails. ↵⇥

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↵So it wasn't a total loss, then. Just don't tell various ↵commenters this: ↵

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↵⇥If Pitt can’t beat WVU, how on earth will they compete with Cincinnati? It’s gonna be a blow out. ↵⇥

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↵⇥9-3, with back-to-back losses. ↵⇥

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↵⇥Meineke Car Car Bowl. ↵⇥

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↵⇥Oh boy … ↵⇥

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↵⇥Comment by Typical 11.27.09 @ 10:27 ↵⇥pm ↵⇥

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↵And then there's this ↵wag: ↵

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↵⇥Maybe Michigan will make an offer to Wannstedt now? ↵⇥

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↵Em… I think they may be wary of Big East coaches at the moment. ↵

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BIG TWELVE

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↵Oklahoma State was angling for a BCS bid if they could pull one out against reeling, 6-5 Oklahoma. Here's how that worked out: ↵

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↵And here's what one Oklahoma State fan's excellent ↵suggestion is for the future of the program: ↵

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↵⇥Default Hire Coach Weiss for an upgrade ↵⇥

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↵⇥The threshold question Mike Holder and the Alums are using is the wrong question. We shouldn't be looking at how well we have performed or recruited. To do so is to overlook the obvious which is that we would be doing this well recruiting and playing under anyone, likely including Charlie Weiss. ↵⇥

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↵Please let this happen. I will pay ten dollars to T. Boone Pickens if he will hire Charlie Weis. ↵

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PAC-10

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↵Though a dismal shutout was the expected course of things for Washington State, let's spare a thought for a program so thoroughly beaten that this ↵is the reaction to the season's merciful conclusion: ↵

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↵⇥SEASON ↵⇥OVER!!!!! … ↵⇥

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↵⇥…WE WON A FOOTBALL GAME THIS YEAR!  Followers, when a team makes it through an entire season without leading once while the clock is running, its a MIRACLE to have won a game.  And we did.  Which leads me to point #4. ↵⇥

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↵⇥4) NOW MORE THAN EVER, THE 2008 WASHINGTON HUSKIES ARE THE BIGGEST DISGRACE IN THE HISTORY OF THE PAC-10. ↵⇥

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↵You'll always have that overtime win over SMU in which you were outgained by 228 yards, Cougars, and that makes you slightly less repugnant than last year's Washington squad. ↵

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↵So, really, it wasn't that bad a weekend for Washington State fans. ↵They're done for another year and things can't get worse next year. ↵UCLA, now there's a school that had a terrible weekend. ↵Basketball teams are normally outside the scope of this column, but UCLA went 0-3 in their holiday tournament this year, losing to Portland, Butler, and Long Beach State. Yeah. They're not good. On the football field, Pete Carroll responded to a pointless timeout during kneel-down time with an equally pointless touchdown bomb that nearly led to a brawl. ↵

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↵Bruins Nation, as you might expect, is taking ↵it well: ↵

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↵⇥Not surprisingly Chetey Petey being the hypocritical, SCumbag that he is poured it on when the game was already decided with a long bomb to the endzone (I wonder if Pom Pom's lapdogs - Bill Splashme or the TJ Slimers - will be crying about sportsmanship tomorrow). There is not much to say about that TD at this point because we know Chetey's true colors and what a classless jerk throughout his stained, corruption tainted career in South Central. ↵⇥

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↵And after that they decided they'd leave it ↵alone: ↵

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↵⇥N found this first but it deserves as much attention as possible. ↵⇥Seth Davis says what we have all known: ↵⇥
↵⇥ ↵⇥
↵⇥It's official: Pete Carroll is a no-class lowlife. Does he have any notion he is supposed to be an educator?
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↵⇥Carroll is not a humanitarian (the name he gave himself on his own site before he took it down). He is not an educator. He is a "no-class lowlife." ↵⇥

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↵And by today they certainly had moved ↵on to other things (emphasis mine): ↵

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↵⇥We will post this video a lot in the next 369 days. I have replayed them over and over and over already. I think that replay will continue in a loop in our collective conscious for rest of our lives. … ↵⇥

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↵⇥As for Chetey Petey, he is the face of Southern Cal. He is their leader. No one cares about the President or the Athletic Director of that "University." He is their real ambassador and he represents what their program is all about. What took place after that touchdown all along the Trojan sidelines and the Colosseum stands, under Chetey Petey's leadership tells us all we need to know about Southern Cal.  You can definitely see the water boys and equipment managers jumping and down and you can see their entire section going delirious, approving the taunts and crazy "celebration" following that bomb. ↵⇥

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↵They know it's spelled "cheat," right? ↵

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SEC

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↵Ole Miss lost to Mississippi State to close out a disappointing season after a wave of top 10 hype, and this guy would like to REVISIT ↵A PREVIOUS ARGUMENT, SIR, in the most heavily dashed quote from this year's TWIS: ↵

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WHOSE THE C-------ING B---- A-- PIECE OF S--- WHO ARGUED THERES NO SUCH THING AS WANTING IT MORE?
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↵⇥What do you think about that now you f---ing sack of s---? ↵⇥

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↵Yes: Scott Tenorman of the Week, in a landslide. ↵Elsewhere, we get the ↵other side of Ole Miss fandom, complete with latin: ↵

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↵⇥res ipsa loquitur ↵⇥

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↵⇥I figure anyone who watched the game would reach that conclusion. ↵⇥[ed: that Houston Nutt was badly outcoached.] Right now I wish Nutt would go back to Arkansas, Snead would go back to Texas and Nix would take a nap on railroad tracks. However, as frustrated as I am, I'm going to try to enjoy the winning record and bowl season. A year from now an ↵⇥8-4 record and a bowl will seem unbelievably good. We are gonna' suck next year. ↵⇥

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↵Res ipsa loquitur is fancy talk for "the thing speaks for itself." ↵

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↵And now, we talk ↵crap about architecture! ↵

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↵⇥To the architect who designed Davis-Wade: I hope you've died by now.  Society doesn't need you and your absurd structures.  Why couldn't State just bowl around the part of their stadium with the goofy bleachers and their mini-screen?  Why'd they feel the need to build a structure tall enough to see all the way into Tupelo? ↵⇥

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↵College football is magnificent. ↵

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This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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