If Only Tim Lincecum Were Caught With 'Panther Sweat'

The sports world was brought to a screeching halt (I guess it should be called the sports locomotive, then) this week when Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum was caught smoking heated-up marijuana. SB Nation's excellent Giants blog, McCovey Chronicles, has come through with a brilliant bit of period-piece satire. A sampling:

[...] Star pitcher Art Nehf was caught with a hip flask full of hooch, besmirching his name and reputation as well as that of his fair team.

Though Nehf's doggy, Joe Brooks appearance has always led this observer to believe that he partook of a belt of giggle water whenever convenient, the official pinch only confirms our suspicions.

Yes, in the Prohibition era, alcohol was sometimes referred to as "giggle water." People were quite imaginative back then, but our generation invented a hybrid of baseball, chess, aerial warfare, and football, so I'd call it even. Wait, we haven't invented that yet? Nevermind.