4. Tyreke Evans, The Chilli Cheese Fries Burrito

From Wednesday

The reasons to love the internet are numerous, but perhaps greatest of all (or at least greatest today) is the latest from SB Nation’s Sactown Royalty. Nowhere in print media will you find such a circuitous strategy for trumpeting one of pro basketball’s rising superstars.

But man, this is pretty good:

I mean, you do not need to tell me how insane a Chili Cheese Fries Burrito is. I can figure out that much on my own, thank you. You are wasting your time waving your arms, screaming “Hey! Look over here! Chili Cheese Fries Burrito!”

And that’s sort of where we are with Tyreke Evans. I mean, I could commission a banner reading 25 pts, 9 ast, 5 reb, 1 tov and have it flown around New York City and Los Angeles. I could produce a commercial with zoinks sound effects and a booming Krusty voice touting the seasonal 20/5/5 average Evans has now reached.

But why? There’s no need to play [that] game. There’s no need to wrap Evans in a tortilla, or cover him in cheese.

The article comes in response to a Sacramento restaurant’s apparently ubiquitous ads for their new “Chili Cheese Fries Burrito,” something created by either Satan himself, or Artie Lange.

Just hearing the name, you can tell that yes, it’s that ridiculous. No need to waste money on commercials, guys. Really, we get it. Thanks.

And as for Evans, quite simply, his numbers (20-5-5) speak for themselves. He’s been fabulous for Sacramento, the Kings are doing surprisingly well, and he’s quietly neck-and-neck with Brandon Jennings for this year’s Rookie of the Year honors. As Ziller says, there’s no need for a nationwide ad campaign.

“Tyreke Evans” is quickly becoming self-explanatory.

Star-divide

In other news, Hasheem Thabeet is the Domino’s Bread Bowl. Sounded kind of borderline in theory, and in practice, it’s been an absolute disaster. A few weeks ago, Grizzlies coaches likened coaching him to developing a 7th or 8th grader. Mmm… Memphis!

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