Updated throughout the day with quick takes from staff.
Awarded to the person who provided the most grim laughs for haterz this year.
Charlie Weis, ex-Notre Dame coach. Obviously, right? The guy who blustered into Notre Dame suggesting that his "decided schematic advantage" would be worth a touchdown per game leaves Notre Dame having lost two of three to Navy and at least six games in each of the last three years. On his way out, he said his kid wouldn't go to Notre Dame, told Jimmy Clausen and Golden Tate to GTFO and accused Pete Carroll of living with a grad student in Malibu. College football will miss one of its great villains. Weis's magical combination of arrogance and incompetence will probably never be seen again.
Anyway, by week two -- the last-second loss to Michigan -- this year, Weis had ND fans declaring there "was no God" and imploring their athletic director to open the checkbook for ... wait for it ... Nick Saban.
After the USC loss, in which Weis somehow managed to not get a fourth and goal after atrocious clock management, ND fans declared Weis could "go s--- in a hat for all I care," dubbed him a "Nintendo master" and implored their athletic director to hire ... Steve Sarkisian? Okay.
After the Navy loss, ND fans posted "that's all folks" on their blogs, recommended banning anyone who suggested Weis be retained, recommended banning anyone who suggested that Meyer, Stoops or Saban was out of the question and implored their athletic director to hire Meyer, Stoops or Saban, and blamed the misfortune on divine retribution because ND allowed Barack Obama -- who is President -- to give a speech on campus.
After the UConn loss, ND fans declared the program on "it's deathbed," worried that they may have "just witnessed the end of our program" and implored the athletic director to hire Meyer, Stoops or Saban.
And, finally, after the Stanford loss, it had gotten so bad that alum, Official Journalist, and official Fanhouse Guy Covering Notre Dame Guy John Walters ripped Jimmy Clausen because he's a weird guy from a weird family. He did not advocate that Notre Dame should hire Meyer, Stoops or Saban, so there's that.
Notre Dame ended up hiring someone other than Meyer, Stoops or Saban (or Sarkisian), and even in that there was some fun to be had, albeit short-lived fun since Notre Dame hired a real coach for the first time in 20 years.
Dan Hawkins, surprisingly not ex-Colorado coach. You could be forgiven for forgetting that Colorado played DIVISION ONE FOOTBALL BROTHER in the aftermath of Colorado's first two weeks of the season, the second of which was a 16-point loss to a MAC team that was 3-9 the year before. It was so bad that Colorado bloggers had already moved into the third stage of Kubler-Ross:
Yes, it's no longer an angry feeling. It's sadness, embarrassment and disbelief. The light at the end of the tunnel looks to be years away...again.
And commenters were preparing for a firing, just like Weis ...
I can't even believe I am a Buff fan at this point. Never been more embarrassed to represent any of my NFL, NBA, MLB or NCAA teams. I hope Dan Hawkins gets his s--- canned asap. This is unreal. CU football has it rock bottom and I do mean rock bottom. I have been drinking heavily since the end of the game and I don't blame myself at all. This is as low as it gets. Go straight to hell Hawkins, go straight to hell.
... and this guy is still the coach!
The mighty fall, and we all enjoy it.
USC. After USC got its now-annual upset at the hands of a three-score Pac-10 underdog out of the way, the country figured they'd go on their usual tear and end up complaining about another Rose Bowl, how boring, at the end of the year. USC fans were not so sure:
The old Pete Carroll is back...
Posted By: LaughingInEncino
Not the guy that put together the best coaching staff in college football.
It's the guy that was run out of town on a rail at New England.
He took a team that had gone to the Super Bowl and did nothing with them and drove all the fans crazy.
Now, he has the most talent of any team in the country, and he keeps dropping games to UCLA, Oregon State, Stanford, and now Washington.
I can see this team losing 4 games this year.
The old Pete is back.
Delightfully, they were right. After Oregon stomped the Trojans into a mudhole, USC fans were reduced to the same thing a lot of people have been of late:
Dear Spread Offense,
I FREAKIN HATE YOU
Regards,
Trojan Fan
After Stanford did the same thing, Trojan fans were openly calling various coaches "losers" and pining for other coaches:
Easy answer fire Pete and the loser son goes
Posted By: THE BIGGEST USC FAN EVER
< br> with him along with all the NFL washouts. ...
Would Harbaugh come to SC?
I hope so.
Then USC put the shoe on the other foot with their late touchdown plus crazy monkey celebration, driving UCLA fans and blogs insane:
We will post this video a lot in the next 369 days. I have replayed them over and over and over already. I think that replay will continue in a loop in our collective conscious for rest of our lives.
The Trojans got it and gave it this year, and for that they are duly honored.
Honorable Mention: Oklahoma, but the whole Bradford injury thing makes their season less inexplicable.
The single game that caused the most misery, temporary or not.
Take a fanbase that hasn't lost to a team with a losing record since 2001 and has ruled their conference for a decade, mix them with five turnovers from their golden boy quarterback and serve up a big plate of "loss to Purdue" and you have this year's most explosively anger-inducing game. Ohio State fans blew up in the aftermath:
jbeveridge says:
pryor should have went somewhere that develops qb note tressel's history minus troy smith see supporting cast and b10 but for being a offensive coach it speaks my point YSU is where he belongs
And holy pants:
Anonymous says:
Holy crap I am tired of Reggie Ball-Pryor.
In the aftermath of the game, sarcastic commenters changed their dorky nickname for Pryor from "LeBron in Cleats" to either "Juice in Columbus" or "Milicic in Cleats" ... and then Ohio State went on to win the conference again. Oh well.
For the response to a college football game that would make Radiohead think you are a crybaby.
Alabama actually won this game (very, very NSFW):
They won the game. What does Ricky do when Alabama loses? How did he survive the last 20 years of Tide football? Some things are too impossible to believe.
Honorable Mention: For being a blog post and not a message board entry, for being an epic paragraph of swearing, insulting evil and for coming in the aftermath of a 24-point win, Barking Carnival wins the typing edition of Scott Tenorman of the Year:
Sweet nine pound eight ounce baby jeebus if I have to watch that sorry effing excuse for offensive coordigodamnation one more f------ time I am going to detonate something large and dangerous. I want to hand out Scipios damn running game break down as a surgeon general's warning for football viewing in Central Texas. The surgeon general warns you that if you want to become pregnant avoid men wearing burnt orange after University of Texas football games because they really just want ot stick their [dingly] in a food processor to end the misery that is watching Greg Davis f--- up a wet dream for a solid decade. Also, computers should require breathalyzers.
Texas only had 313 yards of offense in this game. But still.
Honorable Mention II: If only because this is a person who purports to be a head football coach:
You run another play and you throw an interception or they throw another flag on us -- I wasn't going to let the refs lose the game for us there and some magical flag appear. ...
I'm sure we'll get one of those letters that really means nothing as [Vandy HC] Bobby [Johnson] got last week, but Florida and Alabama live on.
Lane Kiffin in the aftermath of the Alabama game, or "posivol" from the underbelly of the internet? You make the call!
Honorable Mention III: If only because I have to mention Michigan's season, in all fairness, and this seems like the best place to do it. Your author after the Illinois game:
[A]t around 6:30 on October 31st, 2009, [Illinois DE Corey Liuget and I] both felt like we had been punched in the dong. In Liuget's case, this is because he had been punched in the dong.
In my case, and probably in yours, you had not actually been punched in the dong unless you had decided at some point that going outside with your buddies and punching each other in the dongs was preferable to watch the metaphorical dong-punching that started when Roy Roundtree's knee hit the ground at the one yard line and has not, to my knowledge, stopped. If you managed to miss this play and its aftermath because you were outside getting punched in the dong, congratulations: this is the one and only time when your decision-making skills will ever be regarded above average. Punch yourself in the dong in celebration.
I get that Tim Tebow, the football-playing entity, has been incredibly annoying for the past four years. But virtually none of this is Tebow's fault. You cannot blame the Filipino-circumcising, virginal, Bible-verse-wearin' homeschooled rhino for the media adulation he fell into after "the promise" and whatnot. Tim Tebow didn't create Gary Danielson, it was the other way around.
But the last time my team played his, they actually won and were not ground into a meaty goo like everyone other than Ole Miss had been the last two years. So maybe I'm not the best person to judge how fun this is. But it is someone crying and virtually the entire South getting pleasure, guilty or not, from it, and it goes here:
Probably the worst thing about the starstruck media coverage we've got these days is that it takes guys like Tebow and makes them into villains simply because we all get sick of being hectored about how awesome they are.
There were a few items, like USC losing four games. That Georgia guy above also predicted a 6-6 season, which wasn't quite right but was way closer than most people were thinking at that point. But after LSU's loss to Florida, I mocked this LSU fan for ripping a coach who won a national title two years ago...
Miles on the sidelines; watched recorded game last night
Read someone say yesterday that Miles reminds him of GWB on the sidelines, the way he looks.
He looks to me like someone who won a contest to coach the team for the day (maybe a Guitar Hero contest in the Union)....very much like Wade Phillips in Dallas or Ron Zook on the sidelines.
... only for Miles to prove this guy 100% correct a couple weeks later. After Miles blew 20 seconds he could have used to kick a game-winning field goal against Ole Miss, LSU fans blew up:
We need someone young and famous to die real quick
to get every fricking tv channel in the free world to quit talking about how stupid our coaching staff is.
They were 100 percent in the right.
Darryl Clark is a sad panda:
This neatly bookends the Sad Panda picture of Terrelle Pryor from last year's Penn State game and was no doubt deployed with ferocity across the message board wars leading up to and after that game.
Georgia's Ginger Ninja season didn't work out that well, though it did end with a victory over ACC champ Georgia Tech and a meh bowl bid in Shreveport. Along the bumpy route, though, Georgia's rich mélange of crazy message boards provided a torrent of vitriol unmatched by anyone anywhere. During the opener:
JOE COX IS AN EMBARASSMENT
GIVE ME A G*******D BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS GUY COULDN'T START FOR ALABAMA A&T..HE'S A P****..ANYBODY ON THIS BOARD THAT DEFENDS HIM IS A dumb**** AND I'LL BE HAPPY TO INTRODUCE YOUR NOSE TO YOUR PROSTATE ...
OSU WILL WIN 31-7..JOE COX WILL STILL BE A SUCK THE *** OUT OF A GOAT QB AND WILL STILL BE CMR'S BUTT BOY ..
wtf HE'S STILL IN THE G*******D GAME FIRE RICHT IMMEDIATELY
The opener! The first game! The game that was the first one! This was the reaction!
Meanwhile, after the Tennessee game (in which a giant catfish named Crompton went 20/27 for 310 yards):
DRUNK AND BITTER
even after a nap, severeal brewskies, gheetting laid, another party, and more drinsk, im still sick to my stomach at4 in the morning.
i live ibn tennesseee, and being the looudest dawg fan i know, its tough.
On the other hand, sometimes your rage is basically justified. Like Arkansas fans in the aftermath of the Florida game, in which the Gators were handed a free touchdown:
Hey, I wonder if we can find Arkansas fans listing the collection of horrible calls against them, posting pictures of refs with incriminating blue and orange suits, declaring they'll never chant ESS EEE CEE again, threatening legal action, encouraging fans to bombard the SEC office with phone calls and faxes, asking about refs rigging games, claiming proof of SEC refs rigging games, posting polls about SEC refs rigging games, and wondering if they'll ever hear if the refs get put on the rack? Probably. I'm guessing so.
As long as none of those threads had the words "I'm getting my gun," I think they're all above the belt.
Bill Lynch hates gum in the aftermath of the controversial Donovan Warren interception that sealed Michigan's win over the Hoosiers:
Washington leapt up from 0-12 to 5-7, beat USC and tore itself away from the other half of the state's Pac-10 membership. That's a pretty decent first year. It's not enough to prevent Washington fans from comparing Steve Sarkisian to Ty Willingham after ev targetery loss. Post-Stanford:
- Our favorite loser [ed: Willingham] must be feeling higher than Paul Kersey about now.
You can just smell the difference in attitude, approach, and overall results!!!!!!!!!
Christ, that idiot almost beat SC and he didn't have the luxury of knowing what was coming on every play.
Post-Arizona:
Sark has more experienced players.
Other than that, Coach Willingham would have a better year than Sark (if Locker stayed healthy)
Post-Oregon State:
Why did we fire Ty again?
For going 0-12 without Locker, Polk and Savanah?
How many wins did Ty have the year before when Jake was a freshman? And how many is Sark going to get this year?
So why exactly did we throw millions of dollars away to bring in this chump?
Every time Washington did something other than beat USC, Washington fans brought up Ty Willingham. I find this deeply bizarre.
After Oklahoma's season-opening loss to BYU, this was the prevailing sentiment on Bob Stoops at Soonerfans:
Bob Stoops is no Barry Switzer
That was meant as an insult.
Ball State blog Over The Pylon provides a haiku in response to Ball State's stunning collapse in the aftermath of Brady Hoke's departure:
poop feces dung s---
cow-patty diarrhea
brown-snake crap turd log
Michigan State. Just about anyone else would have had an unironic Georgia-style meltdown after they lost to a MAC team because they failed to recover an onside kick...
ARE YOU ****ING KIDDING ME!!!
... and jumped offsides on a potential game-winning field goal that missed and were not so fortunate on try two. Michigan State, though, has seen it all before:
11-1 at best
The very next week, Michigan State suffered a Bill Simmons-approved stomach-punch loss against Notre Dame when Kirk Cousins missed a running back who was open by 10 yards and threw a terrible interception on the next play, which led to ...
It was titled "Sign In Here If You Got In A fight With The Signifigant Other Immediatly After The ND Game" and contained this tale in which a baby almost gets spiked:
[W]ith the game on the line and a little over one minute left in the game, my family unraveled. First, our newborn was crying because she was overtired. Then, our oldest daughter was outside on our deck barefoot, and came in screaming with a two-inch long splinter through the bottom of her toe. Our two year-old couldn't handle all the hysteria, so she began crying too. This was the first time all three girls have cried at the same time.
I was on edge, but knew I had to do something other than leave my wife with three bawling children. So, I picked up the baby and stayed directly in front of the tv in order to drown out the other crying. Once Cousins got picked, the only thing I could really do with the baby in my arms (no swearing, no exaggerated death sprawl) was to grab her pacifier (it was not in her mouth) and throw it across the house. I did it with authority, though - it took a few odd bounces around the room, and oddly landed back at my feet.
The whole thing is worth reading for reasons both mocking and not.
Run in circles, panicked blob! Run in circles!
I imagine him screaming "nooooooooooo ... nooooooooo," and it cracks me up every time.
Can anyone explain this one from a West Virginia fan?
RUN RUN DOWN THE FIELD AND WHAT DUE WE DUE???
Throw the ball!!! You got to be kidding me!!! What horriable play calling!!!
The "due" gets me.
Honorable Mention: In Ukraine, Pitt fans type in all caps:
#1 WANNY - WANNY BE! AVERAGE MEDIOCRE COACH WHO WILL COME OUT ON MONDAY WITH THE PEP RALLY SPEECH. ALL TALK AND NO SUBSTANCE!
Honorable Mention II: This from a Colorado fan is the most fantastic malapropism ever:
This is absolutely incredible.....So NOW, if Hawk wins half his games next year (If this is true) it will be seen as an improvement and be hired again for the next year!? Absolutely unexceptible!!! I'm actually speechless..........
Meet my equivalent of that "should have sent a poet" scene from Contact:
NorCal Buckeye says:
It's not easy being an Ohio State fan. No wonder we're a drunken army of idiots.
No words ... no words.
Honorable Mention: It was tough to be a Florida State fan this year, what with the patricide and all that. After a game in which Georgia Tech did not punt, however, blaming the offensive coordinator was too much for one Seminole fan:
"Jimbo Fisher is the reason we lost this game"
Direct quote from a "fan" behind me..i felt as though it was my inherent right and duty to punch him directly in the nose
Someone asked if he followed through on the punching, getting this response:
i punched him with my words
told him terrible things..things that richard pryor wouldn't speak
That was my favorite one-liner this year.
Honorable Mention II: This exchange from the midst of the Stanford-Oregon game was also spectacular:
greengoblin: Wow...just wow.
Duckdude1: Wow, good? or Wow, bad?
greengoblin: Wow not good. Stanfords offense owns us.
AZDuck: Your ignorance of the game is astounding.
greengoblin: your ignorance of the fact that Stanford is avg. 11 yards a play and [Andrew] Luck is avg. over 30 a completion is astounding.
Also from the aftermath of the Florida-Arkansas game, this is college football:
Catharsis Thread
I've held it in long enough. I've stewed and steamed. I've cried, cussed, and complained. I've watched and watched again and the game always ends the same. Nothing I can do will alter what has been done. I am a victim of circumstances beyond my control. I have reached a depth of hopelessness and despair that I have not seen since November of 1998. I am distraught, and words cannot express the sorrow I feel for a kicker who must surely feel worse than I do. Nor can words express the hate I feel for the striped demons who haunt my existence. There is but one way to ease the suffering that I feel. And that chance is this. Beat Ole Miss. It is the only thing that will assuage my grief. I have faith, I have hope, now let's roll.
Post-bowls schadenfreude is next, and then the long dark.
This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.
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USC lost 4 games this year. Worst season in a decade. Sucks. USC lost many of its seniors, staff, and had horrible injuries (Corp, Johnson, Fangupo etc.) and still won 8 games so far. Played one of the hardest schedules in rececnt memory. Beat tOSU, Cal, UCLA, and Notre Dame.
I like USC next year. I like them a lot. Looking at the schedule next year, USC should start out 7-0. If things fall right, USC should be playing in either the Rose Bowl or BCS title game.
by SailorGabe on Dec 16, 2009 9:08 AM EST reply actions
One stomps a mudhole into someone, and they do not stomp a person into a mudhole.
by L'etat, c'est moi on Dec 16, 2009 10:03 AM EST reply actions
sailor gabe only 2 of the 4 teams your boasting wins over have a winning record. USC did have a down year no doubt, they will be better next year, but as far as seeing them compete for a national title next year, I just dont see that. This year was a good reality check for usc, and every team neeeds one to really get back to the top of their game.
Maybe Charlie weis can take lou-holtz-weis with him on the way out of south bend!!
by vshouse on Dec 16, 2009 10:18 AM EST reply actions
I don’t know if it is because I live in the eastern section of this great nation but I cannot believe how little attention Dan Hawkins has received. It seems like he has gotten a pass on his performace. I mean Colorado used to be a decent football school and now it is like we just expect them to go 4-8 every year or 5-7 if they are lucky.
JOE HORN’S LAWN SERVICE (PARAGOULD, AR)
JACOB HORN ASSOCIATED CONTENT
by Alabama Christian Academy on Dec 16, 2009 10:23 AM EST reply actions
BK has replaced the whopper in South Bend!
by will1066 on Dec 16, 2009 1:31 PM EST reply actions
Well the state of Ohio is a garbage bin so this makes sense.
by Lou_Holtz_Kelly on Dec 16, 2009 4:33 PM EST reply actions
vshouse, what you don’t get is all those teams are USC’s rivals in some fashion (tOSU excepted) and beating them away no less is a great acomplishment. Next year is going to be good trsut me…..
by SailorGabe on Dec 16, 2009 10:34 PM EST reply actions
"fall"? – ending the season in the BCS rankings is a "fall"?
What, pray tell, is a "rise"?
by corona79 on Dec 18, 2009 5:59 PM EST reply actions
Wanna know why everyone hates sc? See the story about the SUV and reggie bush, and OJ mayo, and the house Palmer had, and on and on…..
by oubbqshark on Dec 21, 2009 4:05 PM EST reply actions
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