Australian Man Breaks 47 Melons With Head

I've said it many times and have received no evidence to the contrary: Australia remains humanity's last and best hope for surviving the challenges of a dangerous future. If Hugh Jackman singing and dancing on the Oscars but still looking like h was seconds from sprouting adamantine claws and impaling someone didn't convince you of this, then 29-year-old John Allwood should complete the case for Australian supremacy in all things.

First, his name is Allwood, a porn-worthy name just shy of "Mansteel" or "Jackhammerface." Second and more importantly, he set the Guinness record for most watermelons smashed with his head in a minute yesterday. Allwood bashed 47 open with his iron forehead, a mansome total you'd have to see to believe. Fortunately, you live in an age of digital miracles, and can watch him do this yourself below.
Again, the future is Australian, and the rest of us are so many cromagnons falling beneath the wheels of history. Grab a pint, find a crocodile to fight with your bare hands, and get on the bandwagon before evolution moves along without you.

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.