Charles Barkley to Jail for Five Turrible Days

Charles Barkley will have to serve somewhere between five-to-ten days in jail for his DUI arrest in Arizona. It's a five day sentence if Barkley attends an alcohol education course, which a sane person would do, but this is Charles, who says he has no alcohol problem. (Alcoholics usually don't have a problem with alcohol. In fact, they'd like some right now, please.)

This will undoubtedly place a serious strain on Arizona's already overtaxed prison system, particularly in the food budget if Charles decides to eat. Let's play the part of optimistic economist, though: there are upsides to going to jail for Mr. Barkley.

1. Street cred. Spending time behind bars gives you a needed bump in your rogue's ranking, and will undoubtedly boost Barkley's points, especially if his publicist leaks a story of Barkley beating the daylights out of someone on his first day behind the wall. Getting a teardrop tattoo would be going a bit far, though.

2. Weight loss. Barkley's ballooning waistline could stand a good shearing at the hands of dismal prison food and jailyard workouts. He can take advantage of the time to hit the gym, avoid eating altogether, and get into slightly better shape. Prison: it's like Boot Camp class at your gym, except without the techno soundtrack and with an enforced diet plan whether you like it or not.

3. Comedy potential. If Kenny Smith and the TNT photoshop crew don't have numerous gags set up for this, then sports' most improvisational show is truly slipping. I'm not suggesting you put it up in the 9 o'clock hour, but if there's no appearance of Barkley's head in a scene from The Shawshank Redemption around midnight, I demand a refund.

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.