Travis Henry, Father of a Nation, Is Broke, Still Provides Solid Gold Quotes Free of Charge

Travis Henry's spermatozoa must have their own GPS and outboard motors: nine children by nine different women redefines virility for an NFL running back, or at least speaks volumes about his gullibility. (Or both.) That said, we are now going to take the formal step of offering me, Spencer Hall, as his own unpaid PR agent. My strategy is a simple one: shut the hell up and stop talking to the New York Times. Cease speaking. Say nothing more. ↵

↵All of the following quotes appeared in a NYT piece about how broke Henry is (nine child support payments will cause this) and none are fabricated. If they were, you wouldn't believe them. ↵

↵

↵Quote one, in which our hero describes the sound of conception: ↵

↵
↵⇥ Henry maintained that he was involved long-term with many of the mothers. Some, he said, told him they were using birth control, and he professed surprise at discovering they became pregnant by him. ↵⇥

↵⇥“I did use protection at first,” he said. “Then they’d be saying they’d be on the pill. I was an idiot to trust them. Second or third time with them, I didn’t use it. Then, boom!” ↵⇥

↵
↵Pregnancy makes a "boom" noise. Russell Brand says it's more of a "bang," but given the choice between the two experts, I'll opt for Dr. Henry's description. He's heard it nine times with nine different women, and that's a documented track record of booming success in this department. ↵

↵Quote two, in which our hero reveals his deep awareness of risk management. ↵

↵
↵⇥“Knock on wood, or something, I’m blessed not to have AIDS. That never crossed my mind.” ↵
↵I never think about AIDS either, because I'm monogamous and married. So Travis and I are a lot alike, I guess, except that I wasn't a single man sleeping with multiple women without protection. It's the same thing! ↵

↵Quote three, in which our hero discusses just how much $250,000 is: ↵

↵
↵⇥ Henry argued that, within the context of richly paid athletes, he was not out of line. He contended that he owned no more than three vehicles at once and figured he had spent $250,000 on jewelry. “That ain’t a lot,” he said. ↵
↵No way. A man's jewelry budget kept under $500K is positively Puritan. Minimalist, even. You should see how much Warren Buffett spends on bling. He's got a huge diamond and emerald piece with Adam Smith's face outlined in jewels that he just wears for special occasions. It's sick, and when other people see it at the club, they begin hating Warren's wealth and can't sleep for days thinking about it. ↵

↵There's more in the article, but just know that Travis Henry says if you don't think the same thing can't happen to you, you're wrong. Unless you wear a condom, hire an accountant, and listen to what everyone around you is telling you about how you should probably stop at just five or six illegitimate children. Other than that, what happened to Travis Henry could happen to you, too. ↵

↵

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

In This Article

Topics
X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.