â†µâ‡¥Major League Baseball is cracking down on players who pull the legs of their pants too far over their cleats -- with a close eye on Twins outfielder Denard Span. Span has been warned that he will be fined $1,000 by the league [...]â†µI’d take it a step further and force players not only to wear their pants at, or above, the knee, but also to wear stirrups. They’re classy. But I don’t see that happening. Nor do I imagine any of my other five style changes coming to fruition anytime soon: â†µ
â†µâ‡¥In fact, Twins manager Ron Gardenhire had to read a letter to the â†µâ‡¥players on Thursday about the crackdown -- a letter that included a â†µâ‡¥photo of Span in a take-out slide with the bottom of his pants looped â†µâ‡¥over the back of his spikes. â†µ
â†µ1. The arm armor. A big part of baseball is the relationship between how close a batter stands to the plate and how often the pitcher throws at him. It’s a fine line -- crowd the plate, and you’re gettin’ beaned; stand too far back and forget about hitting the outside pitch. The massive arm guard that players are allowed to wear takes all the fun out of this century old dance. â†µ
â†µ2. The clean helmet. Unless you’re a pitcher, your helmet should have at least three thick layers of pin tar topped with a layer of dirt, spit, resin and sunflower shells. For as much as I hate the Red Sox, I must admit that they seem to have this look perfected. â†µâ†µ
â†µ3. Cotton uniforms. What is that, silk lingerie under your pristine, soft cotton uni? You probably have a pick-up with a man-step and seatbelts, too, sissy. Take it back to the old school, when they wore thick, itchy wool. You know who wore wool uniforms? Ted Williams. And how’d that work out? End of argument. â†µâ†µ
â†µ4. The oversized glove. Save the huge outfielder mitts for office softball. I wasn’t around in the 20’s, but things looked a lot more fun when the glove was the size of the player’s hand. You know, when it was literally a glove. Now it’s more of a net with a hand hole. â†µâ†µ
â†µ5. Nameless jerseys. You know why there are names on the back of the uniforms? To help out the people who know nothing about baseball. If you know who a player is based simply on their uniform number, well then you sir are a real fan. Enjoy the game while the layman is busy looking up players’ numbers in his gameday program. â†µâ†µ
This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.