SEC Media Days, UFC 99 ... Same Thing, Really

I was thinking this offseason: "My, what SEC football needs is more attention on its sketchy recruiting practices, obsessed fan base, and celebrity coaches." And just like that, Lane Kiffin dropped from the skies with a glittering resume and an apparently crippled internal governor on his inner monologue. Problem solved! ↵

↵Kiffin -- who has already inaccurately accused Urban Meyer of cheating this offseason in just three months on the job -- allegedly took his flapping tongue and disengaged brain everywhere with him, as ESPN's Chris Low reports that Kiffin's pitch to South Carolina recruit Alshon Jeffrey got the following vocational forecast from a fevered Kiffin: ↵

↵
↵⇥According to Jeffrey and Wilson, Kiffin told Jeffrey that if he chose the Gamecocks, he would end up pumping gas for the rest of his life like all the other players from that state who had gone to South Carolina. ↵
↵What gas stations is Lane Kiffin going to? As far as we know, gas station employees just sit in their bulletproof glass cubes praying not to get robbed. (Unless they fight back with machetes, but that's strictly a Florida thing.) Unless gas stations in South Carolina have that friendly guy in the cap and jumpsuit from 1957 America still out there smoking next to the gas pumps asking "Fill 'er up?", this story only confirms that Lane Kiffin gets his understanding of the world as I thought he did: from reading old Archie comic books. (Say hello to Veronica for us, Lane.) ↵

↵Kiffin's latest thrilling and tasteful comments have made SEC Media Days the hottest live combat ticket outside of the UFC. GAZE as Lane Kiffin slanders fellow coaches! STAND IN AWE as assistant coaches scuffle in the hallways! MARVEL at talk radio hosts gorging themselves on the dinner buffet! It will all be spectacular, especially if Urban Meyer managed to get a folding chair over Kiffin's head on radio row and then grab a few mikes to "Tell you people something about Urban Meyer." And if you think Meyer really doesn't think of this in those kind of terms ... you're not looking at the walls of the Florida locker room closely enough. ↵

↵

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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