Shanoff's W.U.C.: Calipari, Cutler, Fools

Today's Calls: John Calipari vs. Kentucky fans, Jay Cutler vs. Pat Bowlen, Matt Stafford vs. Mike Vick, UConn vs. the Field, Courtney Paris vs. Tyreke Evans, KG vs. his knee, Cavs vs. Lakers and More. ↵

↵The Opening Pitch: Which of the following is NOT an April Fool's prank: ↵

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↵• The Broncos are trading away their 25-year-old star QB! ↵

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↵• Kevin Garnett is out for the rest of the season! ↵

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↵• Kentucky basketball is relevant again! ↵

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↵You would think that the one about Kentucky is the biggest joke ever, but yet here we are: John Calipari will coach Kentucky. No fooling! ↵

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↵They consummate the perfect fit in college hoops: The most narcissistic fan base in the country meets the neediest coach. ↵

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↵At some point (probably early next season), I will hate this relationship as much as I should right now. ↵

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↵Instead, I feel good for these two sides -- each carrying so much psychological baggage -- that they found each other. ↵

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↵(By the way, the answer is: NONE of them are pranks. Although you will likely feel bludgeoned by all of the April Fools "jokes" that you will find online today.) ↵

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↵NFL: Jay Cutler to be traded. The Broncos will be lucky to get a 2nd-rounder for him. I cannot understand why the Lions wouldn't go after him, but another obvious choice is Chicago. Cutler grew up a Bears fan; the Chicago fans will love him; and the Bears don't play in the AFC. Sounds like the short list is down to a half-dozen teams. ↵

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↵Women's Tournament: The Louisville story is nice and the Jayne Appel performance in the Elite Eight was memorable, but does anyone really think that UConn is going to be denied? Huskies into the Final Four, officially. ↵

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↵(Meanwhile, Courtney Paris continues to hold up her "title-or-scholarship-refund" pledge, leading Oklahoma into the Final Four. A double-double -- 19 and 13 -- for Paris, naturally.) ↵

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↵NBA Draft: Tyreke Evans, the National Freshman of the Year, is leaving Memphis early, which is no surprise. Currently, he is projected to go in the mid-teens, but I think that the class is iffy enough that he will inflate into the Top 5 by the time we get to the draft in June. (Just look at last year's draft: Freshmen ruled. NBA GMs might say they are more conservative in tough economic times, but they can't help themselves.) ↵

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↵NFL Draft: OK, so Matt Stafford reportedly impressed with his private workout for the Lions. That doesn't mean they should use the No. 1 overall pick on him. Is he the next Troy Aikman or Peyton Manning? I just don't think so. Jim Schwartz has to be too smart to fall for this, doesn't he? ↵

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↵NBA Instant History: What would you like the Celtics to do -- play KG in these final meaningless regular-season games, only to watch his knee implode early in the playoffs -- along with Boston's chances of repeating? I don't know why every nominally injured star bound for the playoffs doesn't sit the last 10 games, if only out of principle. But, yes: Shutting down KG should be cause for concern for Celtics fans. Please consider that without KG for the playoffs a year ago, the Celtics don't get past the Hawks in the 1st round. ↵

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↵Race for NBA Finals Home-Court Advantage: Cavs win 13th straight, Lakers lose to the Bobcats. It's all but a done deal now that the Cavs would have home-court advantage if they met the Lakers in the Finals -- and that might be just enough of an edge to make the Cavs the favorite to win it all. ↵

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↵(It can't help the Lakers' chances that their young center Andrew Bynum is rehabbing at the Playboy Mansion. If you can hula-hoop, you should be able to hoop, period.) ↵

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↵MLB Season Preview, Cont'd: Must-Know Dates on the 2009 Calendar. (Meanwhile, in this week's episode of "What Recession?" Chipper Jones gets a 3Y/$42M extension with the Braves.) ↵

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↵CBB Recruiting: Why did uber-recruit Lance Stephenson delay his college announcement? Did he not want to be overshadowed by the Calipari-Kentucky news? In a way: If top Memphis recruit Xavier Henry decommits and heads to Kansas, would that impact Stephenson's strong lean to play for KU? ↵

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↵Coaching Carousel: Why would Mike Anderson leave Mizzou for Georgia? Mizzou is a way better job. And after his team's run to the Elite Eight, he is on the verge of turning the Tigers into a perennial Tournament powerhouse. No wonder he is sticking around Columbia. ↵

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↵Vick Watch: OK, so Mike Vick has bought his way to freedom from the Falcons. Now: Which team wants the greatest Wildcat specialist in the history of the NFL? (Yeah, yeah: I know. The Wildcat has been around less than a season. OK: The greatest Single-Wing specialist in the history of the NFL!) ↵

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↵CFB Must-Read: Spencer Hall on the big spring-ball storylines. ↵

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↵Fifth Third Burger Update! Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine would like the West Michigan Whitecaps to warn fans that its 4,800-calorie novelty concession burger is unhealthy. Honestly: If you need a warning to understand that, you sort of get what you deserve, angioplasty-wise. (Check out Darren Rovell actually EATING the thing.) ↵

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↵The Last Word: If I was going to be at the Final Four in Detroit this weekend, I would rather attend the Fab Five reunion than the actual games. There is no more influential a quintet in the history of basketball, college or otherwise. ↵

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↵Dan Shanoff writes The Wake-Up Call every weekday morning for SportingNews.com and blogs daily at DanShanoff.com. Got any comments, questions or feedback? Email Dan at shanofftsn-[at]-gmail-[dot]-com. Follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/danshanoff. ↵

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This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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