Gold Dust Reminds You Wrestling Is Awesome

Tuck yourself in a casket like a pale little rug rat if you will: you can't escape the long reach of your professional wrestling subconscious, where Gold Dust is waiting to creep the hell out of you and light up your dark side with a magnificent golden shower of sunlight. ↵
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↵Gold Dust was easily one of the most disturbing characters in all of Wrestlevania, a glammed-up cross-dressing freak who was eloquent like a Bond villain and just as ruthless. But you can't just leave him on camera all alone like that. You might as well just start playing clips of Pennywise staring at me from the sewers in It while you're at it. ↵

↵Oh, I started out by laughing, but by the time Gold Dust spends six whole seconds inhaling before saying his name at the end of the video, my skin was crawling. Now I'm going to be tossing and turning in my sleep trying not to imagine the two of us running through a field of flowers together, holding hands and singing into the rays of a new sun like happy jaybirds on the wing. Did I say "running through a field of flowers together?" I'm sorry. I meant "resisting the urge to scream out in terror when I see his face in the dark corners of my bedroom at three in the morning." Totally different thing, that. ↵

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This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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