Mock Hillsdale College Baseball And Prepare to Have Your Home Littered With Carcasses

Hillsdale College is a very small, very old, and evidently very intense place to go to school -- especially if you're a baseball player. The Hillsdale student paper published an editorial last week titled "Lost In Left Field" regarding the Hillsdale baseball team, a squad that's been having some trouble lately, and had as of the editorial lost nine of their last 10 games. The editorial included some extremely unvarnished opinions about the team, including this bit of half-cuddle, half-stab at the athletes' swagger on campus: ↵
↵⇥Most of you walk around campus with this chip-on-my-shoulder, badass tempo. How is this possible? It's not enough for you to simply lumber around like the other disappointing athletes? Lose the stride boys. ↵
↵The fun thing about going to school in a place with only 1200 students? Everyone knows where you live, thus making it easy for the baseball team to do what anyone would do when their honor had been so besmirched: take a few animals, shoot them, and then transport them across the street to the offending writer's porch. If you're a real go-getter, you might festoon the place with some garland and tinsel. If you don't have any of that, as these guys didn't, why you can just get inventive and string up some of the animals' intestines for a holiday look. According to the pictures, this is exactly what they did. ↵
↵⇥Sunlight revealed a scene Hillsdale police patrolman Randy Casler said he's never witnessed: a slew of dead animals on the porch of 244 N. West St., including one and a half deer, several large rodents and a black goat with alleged gunshot wounds to the head and sternum. Under the goat, perpetrators placed a copy of the April 2 edition of The Collegian sports section. The main headline read "Lost in left field." ↵
↵For the record, the paper has already issued an apology for the piece. No one has been charged for the vandalism yet, but witnesses report the vandals brought the roadkill over from a house directly opposite the defaced home. The local nickname for the house? "The Baseball House". None of the baseball team has made any public comments yet, but we'll sum up what they're thinking: "TAKE THAT, NEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDS!!!"↵

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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