That's One Way to Make the Disabled List

Shoaib Akhtar, Babe Ruth says he played hurt for his whole career if this is what you mean by "hurt." Akhtar, a fast bowler on the Pakistani cricket team, will miss the important Twenty20 tournament in England due to what must be the world's worst case of what we'll call "non-ornamental pants parts ornaments."

Read about it after the jump. If you're eating lunch, stop, and then read it.

While the BBC simply hints around "a genital infection," the Sun just hops on in and says Akhtar will miss the tourney due to a screaming case of genital warts, presumably caught as the result of an unfortunate liason with someone who works in a bioweapons lab or as part of a curse he incurred from crossing an old gypsy sorceress in a business deal. Akhtar, already infamous for assaulting a teammate with a cricket bat, will miss ten days of action for "treatment," a word used here to mean "torture legitimated only by its use in medicine."

Gentlemen, please hold onto yourselves before reading this:

A PCB press release stated that a medical board had assessed the paceman, that he had undergone electrofulguration - a surgical procedure to destroy tissue by electric current - and will be reassessed in the first week of June.

It may seem unbearable, but there used to be no real treatment for this. In fact, Babe Ruth had the same condition and batted .375 with 15 homers and 38 RBI until whiskey, cigars, hot dogs, and swallowing whole vials of mercury fixed it in time for the World Series. He doesn't see what the big deal is at all here, cricket-sissyboy.

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.