St. Tebow Declines Celebrity Sex Requests

Any debate over Tim Tebow's possible performance as an NFL starter is irrelevant, as genius NFL scouts have yet to understand Tebow's real ↵goal: to cross the goal-line for a game-winning TD in the BCS Title game, grab the Holy Grail of the crystal football trophy, and then ascend to heaven as a knight too pure to share this filthy planet with the rest of us. (He may do this while forgiving Mel Kiper on the way up, too, just to be even more annoyingly beatific about the whole ↵thing.) ↵

↵Keeping himself pure isn't easy. According to Percy Harvin, he'd trade places with Tebow happily, if only to take advantage of the legions of breathless celebrity groupies throwing themselves as this feet: ↵

↵
↵⇥"If I could trade places for a day with anyone, it would be my old (Florida) teammate, Tim Tebow. Some of the stuff and some of the girls and things that were thrown at him. We saw all kind of actors and news reporters just kind of blatantly say, "Tebow, I want you." And he turned them down. I'm looking at him, like, "Man, you are crazy." ↵
↵

↵Someone please remind Percy that Dan Shanoff does not count here. As glamorous as this sounds, it is probably a bit easier than it sounds. ↵First, Tebow takes his chastity very seriously. Second, it really depends on the grade of celebrity. Some of the people in love with Tebow, sexy as they may be in their own lovable way, aren't really irresistible to most. Third, let's just assume for pageviews' sake he's talking about Erin Andrews here, since that is what you will assume anyways, and ERIN ANDREWS=PAGEVIEWS. ↵

↵

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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