Updated throughout the day with quick takes from staff.
Any debate over Tim Tebow's possible performance as an NFL starter is irrelevant, as genius NFL scouts have yet to understand Tebow's real
goal: to cross the goal-line for a game-winning TD in the BCS Title game, grab the Holy Grail of the crystal football trophy, and then ascend to heaven as a knight too pure to share this filthy planet with the rest of us. (He may do this while forgiving Mel Kiper on the way up, too, just to be even more annoyingly beatific about the whole
thing.)
Keeping himself pure isn't easy. According to Percy Harvin, he'd trade places with Tebow happily, if only to take advantage of the legions of breathless celebrity groupies throwing themselves as this feet:
"If I could trade places for a day with anyone, it would be my old (Florida) teammate, Tim Tebow. Some of the stuff and some of the girls and things that were thrown at him. We saw all kind of actors and news reporters just kind of blatantly say, "Tebow, I want you." And he turned them down. I'm looking at him, like, "Man, you are crazy."
Someone please remind Percy that Dan Shanoff does not count here. As glamorous as this sounds, it is probably a bit easier than it sounds. First, Tebow takes his chastity very seriously. Second, it really depends on the grade of celebrity. Some of the people in love with Tebow, sexy as they may be in their own lovable way, aren't really irresistible to most. Third, let's just assume for pageviews' sake he's talking about Erin Andrews here, since that is what you will assume anyways, and ERIN ANDREWS=PAGEVIEWS.
This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.
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We have to remember that Gator players view restraining orders as others do Valentines, so Harvin’s definition of " I want you" might not be the same as everyone elses.
And let’s be honest Percy, you would have just hurt yourself.
by Ben Matlock on May 26, 2009 6:29 PM EDT reply actions
Funny, but Erin Andrews didn’t come to my mind at all. I thought immediately of Spenser Hall. Percy Harvin is unlikely to give us eye witness accounts, so we are left with the power of imagination only. How does Spenser deal with his Tebow feelings? Does he write letters? Send little gifts? Stand on his balcony and gaze in the direction of Gainesville with tender yearnings of unrequited love? Of course he might use his press card to actually enter the hallowed grounds from time to time, even getting within twenty yards of the presence. And how would the aura of the physical presence, twenty yards removed, affect him? The variables are many, and Spencer’s imaginary implosion from all of them are too lurid for further wording.
by LadyVolsLover on May 26, 2009 7:00 PM EDT reply actions
Maybe he should move to San Francisco. There are a lot of gays just like him out here (I’m kidding, I’m kidding).
by CaliMichFan on May 26, 2009 7:35 PM EDT reply actions
The Florida defense and conditioning coach probably deserve as many (or more?) offers after the NC game.
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by oklahomazeppelin on May 26, 2009 10:05 PM EDT reply actions
OMG. This Tebow love fest is just getting creepy.
by SailorGabe on May 26, 2009 11:07 PM EDT reply actions
Smart guy- just another way to get into trouble.
by bryan1945 on May 26, 2009 11:41 PM EDT reply actions
Timmy likes to make knuckle love while gazing at himself lovingly in the mirror.
by GeoX on May 27, 2009 1:47 AM EDT reply actions
Hey, if Matt Hayes was calling me every day and showing up at the weight room and practice field, I might be a little cautious, too. You can never be too careful about these things.
by Sexy Pete on May 27, 2009 9:31 AM EDT reply actions
Get it while it last! No future in the NFL
The Tyler Hansborugh of college football
by watts141 on May 27, 2009 10:32 AM EDT reply actions
Percy Harvins comments about "actors" makes my eyebrows raise a little. Now if he would have said "country singer" I would automatically jump to Kenny Chesney mouthing those words to Tebow.
I could see this Tebow thing going off the rails and ending up like Dirk Diggler with weirdos paying 20 bucks to touch his Heisman in the front seat of random dudes Trans Ams if this NFL thing dont work out.
by mrpelicanpants on May 27, 2009 2:08 PM EDT reply actions
Well, watch ESPN coverage enough and you’ll start to believe everything this guy’s D touches turns to gold, too. I heard E:60 is doing a story on Tebow’s summer internship to cure AIDS.
by cjbassett on May 27, 2009 2:14 PM EDT reply actions
Sexypete beat me to it..I just assumed that the "celebrity" in question was Matt Hayes.
by ChiAdam on May 27, 2009 3:28 PM EDT reply actions
In the words of Emerson,Lake,and Palmer. Oh what a lucky man he was and is!
by will1066 on May 28, 2009 4:02 PM EDT reply actions
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