Disappointing Port-O-Potty Performance in the 14th Race at Churchill Downs

The Kentucky Derby has the Preakness beat on everything save one key event: the port-o-potty run made by spectators atop the gleaming white roofs of the rental instabathrooms lined up in the infield of the race. I'm all for fair foolishness at sporting events, especially something as creative as a competitive dash across a defined number of port-o-potties. Crack out a stopwatch and work a real competitive element into it, and we're all getting dangerously close to turning a prank into a real competitive event. (Add in a Japanese Game Show wild card element like one with a pre-weakened roof or one that explodes, and now you're really starting to cook with kerosene and plastic explosive.)

But if one is going to do it, make sure to do it well, even if you've already sucked down a handle of Kentucky's finest thinkin' juice and have forgotten you're at a horse race. This fails in so many degrees: the cameraman bellowing "I got it on camera," the man's shorts hanging around his knees, the poor aim of the spectators' beer cans, the fat guy who unsuccessfully barrels into the side of the toilet in an attempt to topple the whole thing with the man still on top. No one's finishing the drill anywhere here, and Coach Chaos is very, very disappointed in all of you. We'll now all have to wait two weeks for the Preakness infield -- and its collection of booze -crazed cromags -- to show us how it's properly done.

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.