They Look So Tiny and Defenseless in His Gigantic Hands

Shaquille O'Neal's Oscar is in the mail. Watch this and be unmoved and you may consider yourself officially heartless:

There's so many masterstrokes here from a thespian in full blossom: the stroking of his enormous fingers over the box, lovingly caressing that which he knows he cannot have, the risk in kissing each cruel and deliciously glazed ring of temptation, the sheer pathos in his eyes when he looks at the camera and we, too, are brought body and soul into the universal struggle between that which makes us happy, and that which makes us strong.

Paul Thomas Anderson, if you cannot construct a quirky but artsy film around the considerable emotional strength and courage of this actor, you cannot call yourself a filmmaker, sir. Excuse me, but I have to weep tears of sad joy over what this huge, beautiful actor has shown us about both humanity and his own immense on-screen talent. Kazaam only scratched at the surface of Shaq's potential as an actor, dammit.

(As seen previously on Ball Don't Lie and NESW Sports. Excuse our tardiness, but we couldn't pass up posting this.)

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.