The Tour De France Jerseys Explained

The Tour de France begins Saturday in Monaco. The complex series of jerseys worn by riders can leave the casual viewer a bit confused by all the colors, so to help you sort them out we'll provide an easy to understand guide for the novice Tour de France viewer. (Hey, without football, it's this or watch baseball. At least TDF riders admit to injecting themselves with shark testosterone when caught.) ↵

↵1. The Yellow Jersey. Worn by the overall race leader. Seen here modeled on Alberto Contador, who will have some old man named Lance helping him out and wearing one of his patented "Contadorstrong" bracelets to support his fight against the scourge of drug testing in professional cycling. ↵

↵

↵ ↵

↵

↵2. The Plaid Jersey. Comes with kilt and ceremonial beard, and goes to the rider who completes the race using only the oldest and most traditional of performance enhancing drugs: Scotch. ↵

↵

↵ ↵

↵

↵While it is an honor to wear the Plaid Jersey, it can get wickedly hot. ↵

↵

↵3. The Shy Hijab. Given to the most modest rider, the Shy Hijab notes the rider most afraid to urinate in front of other riders when the peloton pulls off the road for mass pee breaks. ↵

↵

↵ ↵

↵

↵The Shy Hijab, while an honor, has been known to slow riders down significantly during sprint stages. ↵

↵

↵4. The Cottonball Express. One of the most coveted of all TDF jerseys, the Cottonball Express goes to the rider who survives the longest fall off a mountain. Went to Jan Ullrich for a record three straight years in 1999-2001, when Ullrich, wildly lost during a mountain stage, rode his bike at 35 miles an hour off the side of the Matterhorn. ↵

↵

↵ ↵

↵

↵The Cottonball Express is also handy for teammates looking to swab and sterilize the sore spots from all those "vitamin shots." ↵

↵

↵5. The Garcon Tres Forte. Given to the rider most embodying the French national spirit. ↵

↵

↵ ↵

↵

↵The Garcon Tres Forte goes to the rider who stops to picnic leisurely along the race course with the greatest frequency, sipping rose and eating pate on toast points with the locals in between sprints to catch up with the peloton and periodic roadside appointments with his mistress. The Garcon Tres Forte is prestigious, but comes with one downside: should he ever attain the lead, he must surrender it before crossing the finish line (especially to a German rider). ↵

↵

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Join SBNation.com

You must be a member of SBNation.com to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SBNation.com. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.