Mixing Beer and Sports? Unheard Of, We Say.

The one thing that you should never, ever mix with the sporting culture is beer. Beer goes horribly with tailgating, can dull your senses if you're watching games in a bar, would invite ridicule as an advertising partner for television or for sports franchises, and just generally does not mix well with athletics. Kids who like sports should, almost without question, never be exposed to this curse. ↵
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↵True. Look at the early "Tastes Great/Less Filling riots of the late '70s and early '80s for proof of what it can do to even a simple softball game.--ed.
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↵In fact, when I was a young lad, I went to a few baseball games with my father. He possibly consumed one, or even two fermented beverages, and my brain has been forever damaged. Beer? At sports? With kids around? ↵
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↵Oh yeah, that reminds me, the sight of beer can also stunt growth, herniate discs, cause strange purplish underarm rashes, encourage crime and delinquency, wither toe nails, and even, in rare cases, make human limbs explode in hoppy showers of malted flesh.
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↵Beer is Evil, and we don't soon pass a constitutional amendment outlawing its production, consumption and very existence, some kid's innocence might be lost. ↵
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↵Whew. Having gotten that out of the way, let's try to decide what an appropriate response would be after a few parents each drank one or two beers at a cookout honoring the Walkersville (Md.) varsity softball team, which won the 2A Western Region softball team. Fire the coach! And the JV coach, too! ↵
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↵⇥In a phone interview Monday, Walkersville High School coach Brad Young acknowledged that a couple of parents brought beer to the annual post-season team cookout and pool party at his home in June -- a violation of Frederick County Public School rules prohibiting alcohol at any school function. Young, in his fifth year as head softball coach, does not work for the school system and said he was unaware that parents drinking at his home during a post-season team party constituted a violation of the alcohol-free, drug-free, tobacco-free school system rules. ...
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↵⇥Young and team parents said none of the students at the party drank or had access to alcohol. The letter Young received from the school system does not allege that any students drank or had access to alcohol at the party. None of the adults at the party were intoxicated, the parents and coach said. ↵
↵You think we care if anyone was intoxicated? Children were seeing adults consume low-ABV domestic swill, possibly while eating pretzels. They might never be the same. How Young hasn't been jailed by now, I'll never understand. ↵
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↵⇥Bob McNally, father of two players on this year's team, said he brought beer to the team function at Young's home, unaware it would be a school system policy violation for the coach to permit it at a team party.
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↵⇥"None of the students had access to alcohol or were drinking," McNally said in a phone interview Monday. "The girls simply had a lot of fun. And Brad (Young) did not drink. In no way shape or form did any parents or school employee put any of the students in jeopardy or do anything illegal or immoral." ↵
↵Like hell they didn't. You think it's not immoral to consume Bud Light at a cookout when teenagers are within 300 meters? You know what comes after that, right? Cocaine use. Meth addiction. Gangs of drugged-out softball players doing the Peanut Butter Jelly cheer on the street at 2 in the morning. ↵
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↵I mean, seriously. Beer? At a cookout? What's the world coming to? ↵(Frederick News-Post, MyFox DC)↵

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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