Jersey Sales Celebrate Playmakers Generation

So you're an NFL player and you want to see your name on the league's list of best-selling jerseys? Three pieces of advice: ↵

↵1. Date someone who's hot and famous and could be justifiably called a supermodel. A woman, preferably, though I'm not sure that matters. ↵

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↵2. Find your way into the tabloids with a story so ridiculous that readers will consider themselves lesser members of humanity for having read it, and will then e-mail it to their friends. ↵

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↵3. Move to Pittsburgh. ↵

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↵The latest list of NFLShop.com's best-selling jerseys won't be comforting to those who argue that Americans just want the stiff-chinned, straight-lipped sports stars of the '50s, the kind who hardly ever performed sit-ups in their driveways for the benefit of Walter Cronkite. Our brightest heroes still belong to the Playmakers Generation, this list is telling us, and we love them for it. ↵

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↵In fact, I'd argue that the first news story you associate with each of these 10 players has virtually nothing to do with football, with the exception of the Pittsburgh fellas, who have the benefit of playing in a city where "Casual Friday" means you can pack away your mint-condition Bettis jersey and break out the O'Donnell one with the Italian dressing stains instead. Look at these names and try to argue otherwise: ↵

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↵1. Jay Cutler: Whined his way into a coaching spat and a trade. ↵

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↵2. Troy Polamalu: Lives in Pittsburgh. ↵

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↵3. Ben Roethlisberger: Lives in Pittsburgh. Also, some other breaking story that I can't exactly recall because my favorite television network doesn't think I can handle the truth. ↵

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↵4. Mark Sanchez: Appeared in GQ, possibly dated supermodel Hilary Rhoda. ↵

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↵5. Tony Romo: Dumped Jessica Simpson the day before her Ken and Barbie birthday party, shouting "I hate this stupid stuff and your whole fake Hollywood life!" according to the National Enquirer. ↵

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↵6. Brett Favre: Singlehandedly hijacked the entire American sports media establishment, holding its most prominent members hostage while replacing their brains with scoops of Miracle Whip. ↵

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↵7. Tom Brady: Married and possibly impregnated supermodel Gisele Bündchen, had a double date with Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel, had his garbage stolen by a panhandler. ↵

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↵8. Michael Crabtree: Cried. ↵

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↵9. Terrell Owens: Rented a house, un-rented the house, ripped his realtor on Twitter, fought with supermodel Joanna Krupa on television, got a reality show, cried. ↵

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↵10. Hines Ward: Lives in Pittsburgh. ↵

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↵So there you have it, NFL stars. You know what to do. Shack up with a supermodel, get traded in dramatic fashion, bawl your eyes out, leap into the tabloids, or move to Pittsburgh, and then sit back and watch your jersey fly off the digital shelf. And if you think there's any question at all which player is going to have the No. 1 selling jersey in the UFL, then you haven't been paying attention. ↵

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This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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