Disproving Economic Armageddon Via Stubhub

You know, I've heard a lot of mumbo-jumbo lately about the "housing crisis" and the "worst recession since dragons roamed the land" and "oh my god we're all going to die" and I just want to know where's my bailout? Where's my bailout, huh?

Because 1. obviously this financial disaster thing is hogwash and 2) I am seriously going to need a bailout for these tickets:

That's right, kids: nine grand for 47th-row tickets in the corner. There is not an event on earth I would shell out nine thousand dollars for if I was going to end up peering past forty-six stockbrokers, lawyers and doctors for a misleading glimpse of what was going on. Nothing. You could fill the stadium with pie made of Angelina Jolie and hundred-dollar bills and tell Tim Tebow that all the kingdoms of the earth would be his if he would just take the tiniest bite and I would go maybe two thousand tops.

What event, then, could possibly command such a staggering fee? What extravagant demonstration of America's surplus income? What contest hyped to the moon? What titanic clash of legendary rivals?

Ooooh. Facepalm.

Here is a short list of currencies in which 9,000 is a horrible price to pay for these tickets: euros, dollars, pounds, pesos, lira, yen, rubles, rupees, California IOUs, micro-euros, cowrie shells, Jelly-Bellies, tampons, bandaids, water molecules, gravel, neutrinos, and forks.

And yet. What a country!

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.