Keith Olbermann is Disgusted by Manny, Baseball Fans, and America

You know what the world really could use right about now? Some more outrage. Because there just are never enough people outraged about something or other. We could especially use some outrage about performance-enhancing drug use in baseball, since steroids -- and, even worse, masking agents -- are one of the five or six worst things that have happened in the history of the universe. Maybe top four, depending on your feelings about the Bubonic Plague. ↵

↵Plus, no one ever talks about steroids and baseball. It's, like, totally under-covered. It's possible several of your own relatives don't know Manny Ramirez was suspended. The dead ones, anyhow. Assuming there's no ESPN in heaven. ↵

↵

↵And so I ask, please, someone, anyone, give us a little outrage. What's that, Keith Olbermann? You have something to say? ↵

↵
↵⇥Let's take you out to San Diego where Manny Ramirez is just back from a 50-game suspension. For cheating. For cutting corners. For breaking rules. For lying. For deception. For letting down his teammates. For contributing to suspicions against every honest player. For raising a giant middle finger to sportsmanship. For abusing the fans. For risking that for which Lou Gehrig would've given anything -- his own health. ↵
↵For sneaking boogers into ballpark pizza cheese. For publicly admitting he likes Tiramisu better than Apple Pie. For feeding rat poison to toddlers. For ruining America.
↵
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↵⇥Ramirez, of course, homered today in his first at bat. And some people cheered. As if he were just back from an injury, or a death in the family. As if he were a hero. As if he were an honest man. As if he were somehow worthy of sharing the meaningfulness of this day with Lou Gehrig. ↵
↵

↵As if he were worthy of being alive, Keith; of sharing the status of "human being" with Lou Gehrig. Manny Ramirez should have declined all offers of oxygen, on this day, and on every other day that is an anniversary of a day on which Lou Gehrig was alive. ↵

↵
↵⇥This is Lou Gehrig's day. The rest of the juicers may come back and play tomorrow and there will not be boycotts. The Dodgers will probably go to the World Series, carried in part by a great flaming fraud like Ramirez. And judging by the brainless response of fans who would cheer anybody if they hit the ball 425 feet for their team, and boo anybody if they hit the ball 425 feet for their opponents, there will not even be significant repercussions. ↵
↵

↵For shame, for shame, baseball fans. You should all be standing in line to forfeit your mindless baseball entertainment, on account of there having been rule-breaking in that industry, which is devoted primarily to occupying the minds of 30-something lawyers with expense accounts, middle-aged journalists and college kids making fictional "trades" at 3 in the morning while eating week-old pizza slices they found in their closets. Why, oh why, don't you brainless masses boycott this farce in favor of a more wholesome, ethical and Gehrig-approved entertainment option? Like, go check out MSNBC's "Oddball" video page. Current options include "Pig Parade Held in Philippines," "Monkey Pee Monkey Do," and "Woman Puts Squirrel in Tank Top." I know for a fact that Gehrig could not get enough of the squirrel inside the tank top bit. In fact, he used to regularly stuff ferrets into his underwear. ↵

↵
↵⇥Manny Ramirez and Alex Rodriguez and the others of the PED era did not belong in baseball today, and that they did not show the requisite awareness of their own shame, only makes it worse. Lord, send us a 'roider who has the presence of mind to say: "On this day I do my penance; I don't yet belong on the field even with just the memory of this man, I hope you'll forgive me and I can again earn your trust." ↵
↵

↵Because, you know, the world would never have a cross word to say about a 'roider who completely upstaged Lou Gehrig Day with a self-centered stunt involving a self-righteous self-benching. No, that'd be just swell. ↵

↵

↵Anyhow, I would argue further: that no one not named Gehrig should ever again be allowed to play baseball, even Strat-O-Matic. And that Manny Ramirez should be tasered every night for a year. And that the fans who have cheered for him should be tasered, too. And that Manny Ramirez is, pretty much, the Worst Person in the World. And that anyone who so much as cashes one check paid for with dirty baseball money from immoral cheering fans should be banished from civilized society. ↵

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↵Wait, Keith, why is there an MLB logo on your blog? Nooooooooooooooooooooo! ↵

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↵For more of Dan Steinberg, visit his blog with The Washington Post, D.C. Sports Bog. ↵

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This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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