UPDATE: NCAA, ACC Not Worried about Clemson Tigers' Underwear Choices

Clemson will lose two fall practices as a penalty for wearing the wrong kind of "compression shorts," or what you might otherwise call "underwear." Note: that's not two practices for some kind of illegal supplement use, or recruiting violations, or working their players without adequate water, but instead for the wrong kind of man-panties on underneath their gear. Performance-enhancing banana hammocks, a scandal of immense proportions or as Coach Dabo Swinney dubbed it: Girdle Gate.

"We've got what I'm calling Girdle Gate going on around here," Swinney said. "The pants that were under our shorts - and just so you know we've always worn that around here - for whatever reason it has become an issue this year. On the first two days of practice the ACC ruled that this was improper attire? to have that girdle on with the little built-in padding.

No padding for ACC players will be tolerated, either in the classroom by cheating, or on the field with excessive foam rubber inserts. If anything more bizarre than Girdle Gate unfolds this season, you will collectively have permission to taze me on sight, because if something odder than this happens, I'll be in need of shock treatment. Swinney and Clemson officials seemed stunned by the suspension, but not as stunned as I am by the notion that ACC equipment inspectors (if there has to be such a thing) would roll up to Clemson's practices and demand to see players' grungy underwear. If ever there was a lose-lose scenario for all parties, this would be it, especially after a solid set of two-a-days played out in late summer heat. Unless they're subcontracting with CDC epidemiologists. This seems not only unsavory for the officials, but downright unsafe.

9:04 p.m. ET UPDATE from Rivals:

"The NCAA gave further review to this situation and informed us this afternoon that we can have the full compliment of practices during the preseason," Clemson Athletic Director Terry Don Phillips said Monday afternoon. "We are pleased with this decision."

Carry on, world.

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