This Week In Schadenfreude: Sept. 28

There is much to choose from on a week when Top 10 teams didn't just lose -- they got obliterated. Sometimes not on the scoreboard, but in yardage and overall play, yes. In terms of sheer mindblowing agony, though, no one got it as hard as Cal did. The Golden Bears were 42-3 losers to an Oregon team that had been dismantled by Boise State and only won games against Purdue and Utah through the beauty of the fumble return. In the aftermath, California Golden Blogs asks a simple question:

After the Cal game I went down to the furd. … The roar of that stadium when the Cal score was announced was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life (ok, maybe not quite, but it was extremely painful). They announced it multiple times because, as they PA guy said, “it sounds so good!” And of course, what should have been a good game ended up being a thumping by Stanfurd.

I should have stayed home and drank. So I can use a hug from anyone :)

by AVNevis on Sep 27, 2009 12:45 AM PDT

Elsewhere, you can discuss whether you've been alive to see a more piteous performance by the Bears, join the 82% of readers who are "frankly disgusted" with the performance, and read about … uh … Cal downing Stanford in volleyball. So you've got that going for you. The Fightin' Tedfords are an easy pick for this week's Tears of Unfathomable Sadness award.

The rest of the week in spleen after the jump.

ACC

Hey, remember the "Miami and Florida State are back!" meme? Not so much. Florida State's side of the agony:

It has become apparent to me that the large majority of our game-attending fanbase is comprised of idiots. Consequently, I feel it is my duty (hehe... I said duty) to set the record straight, and inform the masses of the real way you should behave yourself at an FSU football game.

 

This should be fun. Fanbase Turns On Itself is always a winner. Here's my favorite part:

True Seminole Trait #12:

When True Seminoles offer their playcalling opinions, they at least lie about why they think it will work and do not say "Because it works on PlayStation all the time."


True Seminole Trait #13:

No matter how hilarious I think it is, True Seminoles don't rent a U-Haul trailor and park it in front of the Head Coach's house. (Consider this my official plea of innocence if ever questioned.)

No. 12 was copyrighted by Jeff Bowden anyway. There is also Overreact To Innocuous Public Interaction That Might Actually Be Sympathetic:

"A tough loss today eh?" says a Gator fan to me at the store.. Reply

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I'm shopping at Publix with the family after the game and some retard wearing orange and blue is eye balling me. He's about 50'ish so I whisper to my wife "watch this guy is going to say something." So...he walks by me and says "A tough loss today eh?" Would it be wrong for me to say I hope all the a-hole Gator fans get in a fiery crash?

I think you'd be hard pressed to find a fiery crash that consumes all Florida fans without simultaneously immolating Florida State's fanbase, so … no, I think you're good. And one final oh snap:

Re: 1-4 in the last five home games Reply

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Yep, we're Notre Dame now, without the tradition.

I love it when I can't figure out which fanbase should be more offended by a particular statement.

For its part, Miami turned in a 31-7 loss to Virginia Tech that redefined "U":

Let's get it out there in the open; Miami put the "U" in 'ugly' in a lopsided 31-7 loss at Virginia Tech. A one-sided thumping with a few redeeming moments where the Canes showed a pulse. Outside of that, a train wreck of epic proportions.

This has unhinged some local sports-talk radio callers:

BIG TEN

There was much, much misery in the Big Ten this week. None of it was screencapped so excellently as that suffered by Penn State:

Ohio State fans officially have their counterpoint to the Sad Panda picture of Terrelle Pryor. However, this should not be mistaken for fan rage; it's a natural reaction unrelated to your team's performance on the field:

Musburger makes me want to punch babies by PaternosGranddaughter on Sep 26, 2009 7:49 PM PDT

Elsewhere, a newspaper guy wonders if "Iowa is the new Michigan" for Penn State, as the Hawkeyes have taken six of seven from PSU. Since Michigan's also taken six of seven (nine of ten, actually), let's just agree both teams can be the Michigan of Penn State. Also: some Nittany Lion bloggers are bracing for the Motor City Bowl? Surely you overreact.

(OFFTOPIC BUT OUTSTANDING: Kirk Ferentz and all-purpose destroyer Adrian Clayborn as the A-Team. Srsly.)

Purdue, meanwhile, is asking "why the $%*&@!!!!!!!!!!!! did we call a timeout?" and Michigan State blogs have officially approved total freakouts. Check:

Memo to Dantonio: Do you recall Einstein’s definition of insanity? For the past three weeks, every time Nichol has entered the game (aside from garbage time), the offense has sputtered and taken several series to recover (and in case you haven’t noticed, with our secondary needing asbestos jerseys we can’t exactly afford to throw any possessions away on offense if we’re going to keep up). It didn’t work against CMU. It didn’t work against Notre Dame. WHY THE @#$% DID YOU EXPECT IT TO WORK AGAINST WISCONSIN?!?!?!?! …

If Nichol sees the field next weekend for reasons other than “it’s garbage time” or “Cousins got taken off on a stretcher”, then our coaching staff is insane.

There is also an apparently serious Fire Dantonio blog.

And, finally: no one actually wants to see Indiana suffer more than they have to. Aside from Michigan fans, the entire country wanted to see them win in the Big House for the first time since 1967. They did not, and the controversial interception call that ended the game caused Bill Lynch to throw an all-time classic conniption fit that overrides one's natural inclination to avoid rubbing salt in this particular wound:

MVictors thinks he found the destination of that particular wad of rage, FWIW.

BIG EAST

Still a lot of nonconference play going on in the Big East, leaving only Pittsburgh and Louisville losers. As far as Louisville goes, it can't be good for your career when people are modifying standard "Good, Bad, and Ugly" posts like so, can it?

The Good, The Bad, And The Kragtastic

No, that seems like a bad omen. Here's one of the "Kragtastic" things:

The overall awfulness that is Kragthorpe-coached Louisville football.

Hot seat? Hot seat.

Pitt, meanwhile … um. This guy says he's from Atlanta, but I think he means the one in Ukraine:

#1 WANNY - WANNY BE! AVERAGE MEDIOCRE COACH WHO WILL COME OUT ON MONDAY WITH THE PEP RALLY SPEECH. ALL TALK AND NO SUBSTANCE!

Pitt fans seem to be coming around to the idea that Dave Wannstedt isn't a good coach. Note to Pitt fans: if you ever find yourself in a Western and someone says "draw" to you, just fall over dead.

BIG 12

It's come to this: not one team in the conference played a BCS opponent this week. So there's little to pick from outside of Texas Tech's last-minute loss against Houston. But, hey, that's not bad. Any time you get this kind of all-caps request of Pirate Mike ...

Leach

I don’t understand. RUN THE BALL!!! RUN IT! RUN THE BALL! WHY WON’T YOU RUN THE BALL? WE WOULD HAVE WON THE GAME IF YOU KEPT RUNNING THE BALL!!! WHY DO YOU REFUSE TO DO WHAT WORKS? WE NEED AN OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR AND A HEAD COACH! LEACH HAS TO STOP CALLING PLAYS!

by techtom4 on Sep 26, 2009 10:26 PM PDT

… you know someone's screw is a little loose. Who, exactly, do you think your coach is?

Texas Tech fans seem to be taking it in stride, though. When "RAIDair" says he's "turning in his Raider Card!" the general response is "if you think this is bad you should be familiar with the history of our program before Mike Leach":

Good. We don't need ***** fans like you. Turn it in and STFU. You're the type of douche who blames every loss on the refs or claims ESPN and the powers that be hate Tech. Go away you little bizatch and post no more.

There is no pain like old-time Raider pain:

Dude...this is nothing. You would have never made it as a Tech fan 20 years ago... This was much more the norm, back in the day when "snatching defeat from the jaws of victory" was pretty much SOP for Tech...

They've seen it before. They're used to it. Okay, except this guy:

Re: This loss on Leach and his biga-- salary

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Glad I wasn't there. I would have kicked Leach in the Sack.

PAC-10

Washington just beat USC, right? So a loss to Stanford is probably okay for a team that was 0-12 last year? Right?

Fire Sarkisian

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after all his time at USC you would think that he would know how to beat Stanford. Sheesh.
seriously though. should he be fired?

Surely you are just having me on, Steeleman. Surely no one will take your bait.

Never should have been hired......................

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You will all see this during the next 4 years.

Er. Here's that guy again. He seems nice:

Scarfteaseian the savior!!!!!!! Brilliant show for Middler!!!!!

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It's not gonna take that long at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now that was brilliant preparation. Just the type of show that is sure to separate him from the idiot who held the same position this same time last year. Huge advance forward!!!!!!!!!!

- Our favorite loser must be feeling higher than Paul Kersey about now.

You can just smell the difference in attitude, approach, and overall results!!!!!!!!!

-Christ, that idiot almost beat SC and he didn't have the luxury of knowing what was coming on every play.

Still and always will be the wrong hire, people. I wish I could say get his walking papers ready but Scarf and Barf are going down to the end with their personal hire.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh h!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Going down to the end" apparently means "let coach finish first year." This guy's poor 1 key must be the most overworked 1-key in the Pac-10.

SEC

Ole Miss confirmed what a lot of people suspected over the offseason: a win against Texas Tech and an upset of Florida do not a Top 5 team make, especially when said team also lost to Wake Forest and Vanderbilt and happens to be Ole Miss. Some of the Ole Miss folks are not taking it well. This one's more sad than funny:

"I'm glad it's gone," left tackle Bradley Sowell said of the high-intensity spotlight, "so we can just get back to basics and win ballgames."

Get the f--- out of my University, you weak sack of s---. You lost the game. You did. I feel sick. Have fun watching the coaches scramble to replace your sorry a-- in the starting lineup. Nice quote, you sad, sad loser. Seriously: if you feel relieved of the pressure because your miserable performance led to a loss... I don't know what to tell you.

Not to get all Think Of The Children, but surely there's a way to go about this with more humor and less player-directed vitriol.

Well...

I’ll see y’all again in 2049. It’s probably gonna be that long till we’re worth a damn again.

by TheBraveDude on Sep 24, 2009 9:55 PM PDT

There we go. The first guy in this section is your easy Scott Tenorman of the Week, by the way, and that's not even a message board post. It's the most prominent Ole Miss blog out there. The guy goes by "Whiskey Wednesday," so he can blame the demon alcohol.

Elsewhere, Arkansas went down quite meekly against Alabama. The good news: apparently Don Draper writes Arkansas Expats:

Someday, when Bobby has the Hogs competing for SEC championships and wreaking havoc on the national scene, we'll all look back at games like today and laugh.

At least that's what I keep telling myself. It's the only way to cope with bloodlettings like this afternoon's (well, that and my favorite cocktail of grain alcohol and Benadryl).

Not like I have to tell a guy from Arkansas this, but beware the hippies, Arkansas Don Draper. They will hit you and take your money.

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.