DeShawn Stevenson's New Ink: A National Treasure

DeShawn Stevenson showed up in camp with a host of new tattoos around his face and neck, and predictably, the internet went nuts. Duh. Can't you people see he's playing you like a five-dollar viola? At least Mike Tyson lost his mind, and Weezy's got dual residency with space. This is just some dumb publicity stunt that's working like clockwork.

Or is it? Over at BDL, Skeets took the time to put up all known photos and dig a little deeper, posting this explanation from Washington Times:

Stevenson is again sporting his beard, but vows to "keep it clean for the Wizards." He had a close cut, but had a rat-tail. He also is sporting new ink. On his right temple, along his hairline is etched LONDYN, his 1-year-old son's name. On his left cheek bone is inked the Pitsburgh Pirate's 'P', "for the Pittsburgh, that's my favorite team. Barry Bonds, when he first started." The thing about the P is, however, that it's backwards and looks more like a 9. DeShawn tried to explain, "No, if you're standing where Dom's standing and looking at me, it looks like a P." ... The final new tat is a crack on the left side of Stevenson's forehead. He said it's because "I don't crack. I feel like people always try to break me, but I don't crack. So, I put that there."

Here's how I know that DeShawn got this done the morning before camp, possibly without his contacts in: If he doesn't crack, why is there a crack on his head? And doesn't that lend itself to a super-easy "crackhead" pun? Moving on, unless Stevenson thinks Dom is a walking rearview mirror, or himself suffers from some serious vision problems (RESPECT THE CONTACTS THEORY), there's no reason the "P" has to be backward. I call gang sign.

Then there's the giant Abe Lincoln on his neck, flanked by two 5's. I can only suspect that Lincoln was inspired by the renewed interest in Honest Abe sparked by the Obama comparisons. Which, naturally, lead Stevenson to associate himself with Lincoln. Or maybe that brought Lincoln to his attention, and he was like "that's the beard I've got." Or maybe he's been looking for a way to keep the neck beard without anyone accusing him of having joined the Taliban or moving to West Philly. Or wait ... is this a convenient cover-up for ... I'll stop before I put my life in danger.

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.