DeShawn Stevenson's New Ink: A National Treasure


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↵DeShawn Stevenson showed up in camp with a host of new tattoos around ↵his face and neck, and predictably, the internet went nuts. Duh. Can't ↵you people see he's playing you like a five-dollar viola? At least Mike ↵Tyson lost his mind, and Weezy's got dual residency with space. This is ↵just some dumb publicity stunt that's working like clockwork.
↵
↵Or is it? Over at BDL, Skeets took the time to put up all known photos and dig a little deeper, posting this explanation from Washington Times: ↵
↵⇥Stevenson is again sporting his beard, but vows to "keep ↵⇥it clean for the Wizards." He had a close cut, but had a rat-tail. He ↵⇥also is sporting new ink. On his right temple, along his hairline is ↵⇥etched LONDYN, his 1-year-old son's name. On his left cheek bone is ↵⇥inked the Pitsburgh Pirate's 'P', "for the Pittsburgh, that's my ↵⇥favorite team. Barry Bonds, when he first started." The thing about the ↵⇥P is, however, that it's backwards and looks more like a 9. DeShawn ↵⇥tried to explain, "No, if you're standing where Dom's standing and ↵⇥looking at me, it looks like a P." ... The final new tat is a crack on ↵⇥the left side of Stevenson's forehead. He said it's because "I don't ↵⇥crack. I feel like people always try to break me, but I don't crack. ↵⇥So, I put that there." ↵
↵Here's how I know that DeShawn got this done the morning ↵before camp, possibly without his contacts in: If he doesn't crack, why ↵is there a crack on his head? And doesn't that lend itself to a ↵super-easy "crackhead" pun? Moving on, unless Stevenson thinks Dom is a ↵walking rearview mirror, or himself suffers from some serious vision ↵problems (RESPECT THE CONTACTS THEORY), there's no reason the "P" has ↵to be backward. I call gang sign.
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↵Then there's the giant Abe Lincoln on his neck, flanked by two 5's. I ↵can only suspect that Lincoln was inspired by the renewed interest in ↵Honest Abe sparked by the Obama comparisons. Which, naturally, lead ↵Stevenson to associate himself with Lincoln. Or maybe that brought ↵Lincoln to his attention, and he was like "that's the beard I've got." ↵Or maybe he's been looking for a way to keep the neck beard without ↵anyone accusing him of having joined the Taliban or moving to West ↵Philly. Or wait ... is this a convenient cover-up for ... I'll stop ↵before I put my life in danger.↵

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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